1 Year + 1 Day

I forgot about this Sunday. I've been officially a blogger for one year (and now one day). No, Confessions isn't celebrating a blogiversary yet (though soon), but I've been pontificating my point of view and take on the scholastic and legal world for a year now.

I originally accepted the contributor position because I wanted to impart wisdom upon the student readers. I wanted them to think. I wanted to generate opinions. I wanted to provide humor. I wanted people to look within themselves. I wonder if I did that. I wonder if any of my words helped my fellow classmates and other online travelers. Did I do anything good? I hope so because I sometimes wonder.

Neon Replacement Is A Better Caliber

I have a soft spot in my heart for Neons. It revolutionized the US small car market when it came out in 94. It was actually my first choice for a new ride upon graduation, but the lower insurance payments for a single, under 25 male, and slightly lower purchase cost of the Mighty Green Ranger tipped the scales. I'll admit I liked the cute bug eyed look of the original and it was available in what I thought was the perfect shade of green. Sadly a quality control flaw in the engine head gaskets from 94-95 trashed the reputation of these entry level beasts.

Either in 2006 or for model year 2006 (getting conflicting reports on that) Dodge is coming out with a sport-wagon replacement which debuted at the Geneva Auto Show as the concept car Caliber. Whether or not the name stay around for the real intro I don't know, but I gotta admit the Dodge styling crew went gutsy on this one.

My thoughts:
Note the high beltline of the doors allowing minimal glass for the windows. This follows the latest design theme demoed by Chrysler 300, Dodge Magnum, and Dodge Charger. It looks cool, but I am somewhat concerned about visibility issues for the driver. Can I see the vehicle in the other lane? This styling is a result of consumers wanting to feel safe and the illusion of that much sheet metal makes people feel safe.

I guess a psuedo-SUV grill treatment is the new Dodge identity. Reminds me of the Magnum. Good or bad I'm not sure of yet. Still gutsy styling move on their part.

Overall dimensions are similar to the current Neon with the exception of this new sportwagon being about 4.5 inches taller. For the US we'll have 2.0l and 2.4l versions of the New World Engine (NWE) jointly developed by Diamler-Chrysler, Mitsubishi, and Hyundai. The 2.4l promises to be a real screamer from what I've heard. In Europe (hence why the debut was in Geneva) they'll have diesel version (outsourced from VW?) and smaller versions of the NWE. For more pics and info go here.

If the concept holds through to production I'm curious if the Caliber is big enough to outgun my current champ Mazda 3 hatch?

*all photos used under Fair Use doctrine of copyright law. Photos are originally from DCX press release.

Now I'll Have To Rent This Movie

Napoleon Dynomite seems pretty popular, but I've never heard of it! I'm so out of touch it ain't funny!


Kip Dynamite
(Please rate my quiz)


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Liberal Do-Gooders

I was at our school's public interest law retreat this weekend. Panels on human trafficking, human rights, civil rights, judicial nominations, etc. etc in the rustic setting of a camp in the rolling, wooded hills of almost southern Indiana.

Ummm...Brian what were YOU doing there? Okay, first I resent the implication that my reputation is an extreme parady of some rabid Social Security stealing, tax cuts for the corporations, everyone fend for themselves, nuke them all till they glow in the dark conservative. I'm sure I could come up with some over-the-top parady of tree hugging, can't we all just get along, more social welfare spending liberal as well. Remeber from the political test I am a libertarian. No Brian you went for the free food and you thought alcohol would be there, right? I admit we all thought alcohol would be there, but that isn't why I went.

One, I am interested in public interest work. Granted it is from a different point of view than most people, but I simply want the world to be a better place just like they do. Second, by being exposed to different ideologies than my own I am enriched through the process. It helps me define who I am. It helps me see other points of view. It helps me find weaker points in my thoughts and forces me to strengthen them. Some of my most interesting conversations lately have been with those "liberal do-gooders" and I've loved it. We intellectually spar, we treat each other with dignity, we recognize the value of the other person's ideas and beliefs. I've earned the respect several people who some of you would think hate my guts because of the differences in our belief systems. What a shame that so many no longer believe you can be friends with those of different intellectual faiths. What does that say of us as a society?

Of course I have qualms about many of those "liberal do-gooders" when they attack situations that in my opinion are more of a "well sometimes life just sucks, but it isn't really a legal problem" instead of issues that I believe would be more valuable of their time. But I like them and some of them I count as friends and look forward to seeing them in action upon graduation. Those "liberal do-gooders" will keep the system honest, and I truly like an honest and fair system.

I WISH!

Sometimes you take these quizzes and go, "Nope that isn't me!"
I wouldn't mind being more like this though.

You Are From the Sun

Of all your friends, you're the shining star. You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight. You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party. Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty. Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best!

What Planet Are You From?

My Gift From Me To You

*WARNING: someone in this case held a prurient interest in sex IMHO. If this offends you leave now.*

Suggestions to the parties:
1. Dude, get a lawyer and stop representing yourself.
2. This woman has some serious issues. Therapy should be sought.
3. This is not legal advice. I am not your lawyer. I am simply someone with an opinion after reading this totally whacked out story.
4. Hard to think of things like this in legal terms. Do lawyers and judges just shake their heads when they try to translate life events like this into legalese?
5. You know this case will be in either a Contracts, Proprety, or Torts textbook in a few years.
6. Talk about playing doctor! Yikes!

Dr. Richard O. Phillips and Dr. Sharon Irons appeared to have an affair together 6 years ago. It appears they liked only oral sex but she secretly kept semen after they had oral sex, then used it to get pregnant. [Ed. I know the little buggers are fairly resilient, but how do you store semen long enough to keep it viable? What was the...err...delivery system? A turkey baster?]

Upon learning he had a child, when Dr. Irons sued for paternity tests, Dr. Phillips filed suit for emotional distress, fraud, and theft. The Illinois Court of Appeals reasoned, "that, if Phillips' story is true, Irons "deceitfully engaged in sexual acts, which no reasonable person would expect could result in pregnancy, to use plaintiff's sperm in an unorthodox, unanticipated manner yielding extreme consequences."" [Ed. You think?]

The case has been remanded back to the trial court to decided the emotional distress issue. The fraud and theft claims were dismissed. Dr. Irons "asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift -- an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee," the decision said. "There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request."" [Ed. Aww...lovemaking distilled into the barest legal terminology. Would Dr. Ruth approve?]

I've always been of the personal opinion that sex should be viewed as a gift. At least in Illinois there is a legal backing for that opinion.

Time To Unleash WMD On Something

We have a 20MB quota for email messages. If you're dealing purely with text that's plenty. When Word docs, PDFs, Excel spreadsheets, etc arrive in my InBox it fills up pretty quickly. For nearly two and a half years I was usually around three to four hundred messages using up 10MB of server disk space. I didn't NEED that many messages, but I manage my InBox pretty well. An occasional pruning session was needed, but I was fine.

For whatever reason, the List-Serv Wars have evolved from never happening, to a end of semester rite, to a beginning of semester rite, to now everyone with an opinion feels the need to vent. I'm all for Freedom of Speech until it clogs up my InBox! I can't delete the emails fast enough. Left, Right, Republicans, Democrats, Stalinists, Martians, and Cat Lovers are offering their opinions and commentary on everything now. One sender yesterday offered a disclaimer noting the information wasn't meant to start a discussion, but simply disseminate information about the time/place of an event. I believe only about 10 replies have been to that email today.

As B. and I noted last night in the atrium these people are our future colleagues and this scared us. You practice like you play. Do they think their behavior would fly in the real world? Do they think a network administrator wouldn't yank their email privileges in a heartbeat? If you believe the answer to the last question is NO, think again. I've pulled the plug on network access before and loved it.

I just spent an hour deleting over 400 messages because I was at 95% of quota. I have to devote almost as much time managing my InBox as I do to study for the Freedom of Speech that so many of my classmates are exercising.

I've reached the only logical conclusion I can think of at this point. Either bring in a Catholic Nun Schoolteacher with the ruler (oh those hurt bad) to enforce the List-Serv rules or perform a surgical strike on the campus email servers to prevent freedom of speech.

Think of it this way people: the job offer that might interest you could be lost in the sea of opinions. Think about that before you hit REPLY.

The Slothness Of The MSM

This is assuming Yahoo is a part of the MainStream Media. Right now on Yahoo's headlines section is a post about Gov. Mitch Daniels proposal for a one year tax hike on the income tax for those that earn more than $100,000 per year.

Today is February 24th. Gov. Daniels proposed this during his State of the State address on January 18th. Wow, you guys are fast to pick this story up!

That being said I liked Gov. Daniels speech. He told the truth. We're in a hole and if everyone shares the pain we can get out of it. These poor economic times are not a time for politics as usual. The gist of his argument was to anger everyone a little bit. With all the grumbling these past few weeks he's done that.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.

It appears I'm under investigation by the House of Representatives. Given the content of this blog I would guess the FCC is coming after me for lewd profanity and prurient interests or something like that. When you get a hit from house.gov it causes me to worry. Yet another reason to anonymous blog.

Romance Ain't Dead Yet. Just On Life Support.

I'm willing to listen to more dreamy pickup lines and see if my results change.

You Are A Realistic Romantic

You are more romantic than 60% of the population. It's easy for you to get swept away by romance... But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective. You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

What You Need In Life

You only need two tools in life. WD-40 to get things going and duct tape to get things to stop.
So very true!

WW Smackdown!

West Wing tonight features a smackdown between Josh and Toby. The fight promises to be so intense that I'll sell you the entire seat, but you'll only need the edge!

What will happen when two white, middle aged, Jewish, high strung, Democratic political hacks duke it out? I have no idea! I'll prolly have blow by blow breakdown afterwards. Where is Mills Lane when you need him? Let's get it on!!!

EDIT: That was it? Two thrown bunches of paper, one fist, and a headlock? I wanted some serious action. I wanted slow motion rage occuring. OMG the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Lana fight scene in Smallville was better than this. On the other hand was Kate Harper making eye contact with Will Bailey or what?

Do You Know Anything About DC Area Schools?

Helping a buddy out. Legal Quandary is likely moving to Washington DC for the next academic year. If you have any scoop on the law schools in the area she would appreciate it.

If you know anything about the neighborhoods, restaurants, K-12 schools I'm sure she would appreciate that as well.

The Magic Long Dead

Once upon a time [because so many stories begin with that phrase] the Purdue - Indiana game was guaranteed to be a titanic battle. The players always played their hearts out, but it was the leaders that helped make the show. On one sideline you had the greatest villain ever Bobby "King of Chair Tossing" Knight. The other side had our hero who scowled all the time Gene "Combover" Keady. All great stories have great heros and villians. Two titanic warriors made for each other. It was as much fun to watch those two on the sidelines as it was to watch the 10 players on the court.

Long ago Knight left for southern environs. For whatever reason Keady and his assistants couldn't recruit the better players and the team declined. One of the few benefits of being in school is that I've barely had time to watch games. I catch a box score and am dismayed, but I haven't seen on the TV screen how the former shine dulled with decay.

Keady's 25th and final season wasn't supposed to end like this. It wasn't supposed to end with a team that won't reach .500 and likely won't make the NIT, much less the NCAA tourney. This season wasn't supposed to end with a lifeless team that lost by 17 points to Indiana.

Perhaps new blood will bring new magic. I can hope so.

That Was Way Too Easy

I haven't run much since doing the 5K two weekends ago. Classes, homework, and other things had been far too distracting lately. I forced myself to go to the gym to run last night. I had planned to run yesterday afternoon after class, but I discovered I had an afternoon meeting. It was a bad news/good news sort of thing. The bad news is that I quit at only 2.5 miles. My left foot started to go a little numb so I decided to quit. The good news was that was the easiest 2.5 miles I had ever done. What did I do differently from my previous runs? Did I stretch out in a better way before running? I held my arms a tad differently when I was running. Did the swinging motion make a difference? I didn't wear my walkman, did the lack of weight make a difference?

I think I'll rest my legs today and see what Thursday brings. Can I make it back to 3 miles?

I Guess I'm A Centrist

You are 53% Gemini

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

The War Over Language

At least two TV stations will show an uncensored documentary about soldiers in Iraq despite a warning from PBS that it can't insure stations against FCC fines stemming from bad language. Frontline doesn't even air until 10pm in most locations. Those kiddies that need earmuffs should be in bed at that point. I can't even imagine anyone thinking that they would watch a documentory just because it had bad language in it.

As I've been learning in class sometimes you can't seperate the message of the speech from the form of the speech. If a soldier in Iraq who is killing people and breaking things in order to maintain the fledgling hope of democracy over there wants to drop the F-bomb, maybe we should be given a chance to hear that.

Need Better Ability To Get Better Grades.

I'm either half full or half empty depending on your point of view.

You Are 50% Psychic

You are pretty psychic. While you aren't Miss Cleo, you've got a little ESP going on. And although you're sometimes off on your predictions... You're more often right than wrong So go with your instincts - you know more than you think

Are You Psychic?

Yes You Use A Hammer Sometimes

When the Mighty Green Ranger fails to start it isn't a good sign. At least it died at my parents so I could borrow Mom's minivan. Mom is in Florida so she doesn't need it now. The nice thing about a stick is you can pop the clutch to start the car, if you have enough of a hill. Or at least a nice long flat area with which you can push. Unfortunately the driveway is L-shaped and I was parked on the short end.

Here's a trick to know, if you think the starter motor is bad you hit it with a hammer! With luck you'll knock the insides around a bit to get it past the dead spot. It fired up and took the MGR to a shop. Battery fine, starter motor fine, but a bad cable to the motor???? Rather odd.

Of course that is an obsolete part so you can't order them anymore. Luckily the cable is really two wire: a big one and a small one. The small one was bad so the crack repair team got some industrial wiring and fashioned an appropriate cable. Then it got MacGyvered into my wiring harness. I really am at the point where the damn thing is being held together with duct tape and bailing wire. Do not fall apart like the Bluesmobile, do not fall apart like the Bluesmobile.

What are you guys thinking?

Yeah! Thank you Brian for giving me a chance to try this blogging thing out. You're so cool and this is going to be so much fun for me. It'll be fun for you too. TRUST ME :-) Besides, this place needs a woman's touch sometime. Sucks that you let me be that woman. I think you'll like the name I selected. From what ya told me anonymous blogging sounds like the way to go. Much less trouble for me ya know?

Who wants to be bored on a Monday night? The girls and I hit a nice bar. I love it when you boys buy me drinks. I feel so sorry for them when I drink them under the table. Here's the big question, I've never understood why you boys buy us drinks. Not that I mind. I love free drinks when I'm out. Seriously, are you hoping to get me drunk enough to give you my number? Maybe you're praying that I'll lose all judgment and let you take me home? Even back in my wilder days I didn't...okay back in my wilder days maybe. I was very different then but those were fun nights.

Anyway, are you guys wanting to make an impression with me and the chicas with the freebies? I don't mind talking with ya especially if you're cute. I'm picky so it sucks to be you. Oh well!

TTYL

No Hot Soup Please

To hold a private private in a swank New York restaurant one group specifically requested no hot soup on the menu because they saw it as a hazard. Was someone allergic to chicken soup? No, it was the monthly Clothing Optional Night.

"It's exciting to be in a restaurant nude," said George Keyes, 65, a retired junior high school English teacher. Nude yes, but not unadorned. Keyes, a lifelong nudist, wore a necklace, earrings and a black leather "genital bracelet" [Ed. Do I really want to know?] with red studs. And white sneakers.

The group was bored with the typical beach goings and wilderness retreats and decided to try something different.

Health regulations mean staff must remain clothed even if they wanted to join in. And diners must bring something to sit on -- a towel or, for discerning women, an elegant silk scarf.
The restaurant's manager covered the windows to maintain privacy at the strictly private party. Extra heaters kept the temperature at a comfortable level for nudity. Yes, we don't want cold nudists.

Health regs require the staff to remain clothed, while diners must bring something to sit on -- a towel or, for discerning women, an elegant silk scarf. If I'm naked I certainly want to be comfy.

Artfully Skirting The Law

Boise Idaho passed an ordinance banning total nudity in public unless it had "serious artistic merit" -- an exemption meant to apply to plays, dance performances and art classes. Any good lawyer immediately notices the loopholes in this law. This skill is called good lawyering.

On what it calls Art Club Nights, the Erotic City strip club charges customers $15 for a sketch pad, pencil, and a chance to see completely naked women dancers. "We have a lot of people drawing some very good pictures," said Erotic City owner Chris Teague, who has posted many of the drawings around the club.

With enough practice I'm sure quite a few people have become good sketch artists.

Teague decided to bill Mondays and Tuesdays as art nights, and let the dancers go without their G-strings and pasties. For all those who think there is nothing to do in Idaho take that! Art and culture has arrived.

Irony*

*Inspired by watching something on morning TV.

Our HR person was a major dweeb. He also reminded us of Mr. Rogers with that soft soothing voice of his. When trying to figure out our benefits he was a black hole of information. Information requests went in, but nothing ever came out. While going through the updated employee handbook several of us noticed what we thought was a flaw.

US: Hey in the handbook it says that every time we're sick we get an Incident and it takes a Personal Day.
Mr Rodgers: Yes, your Personal Days are your sick time. But you get 8 Personal Days a year and most people won't be sick 8 different times a year.
US: Yeah, but we get fired after 7 Incidents. Under this rule we can be fired for taking our benefits.
Mr. Rodgers has the look of the Pointy Haired Boss when he realizes that he has been outsmarted.
Mr. Rodgers then explains that if you take 2 consecutive Personal Days for being sick that you only get 1 Incident for that. So at worse we would get 4 Incidents and couldn't be fired.

US: Yeah, but how many of us have kids that get sick? Junior gets sick with the flu and can't go to school. You gotta stay home to take care of the kid. So really our 8 Personal Days isn't just for me, it is also for our families. We can still get 7 Incidents and be fired for taking our benefits.

I think at this point you could see the steam coming out of Mr. Rodgers' ears.

Mr. Rodgers: I'll talk with corporate and get back to you on that.

Monster Of The Gridiron

It must have been the Dwight Freeney jersey I was wearing. I was fast. No one could understand where I got the extra step. I could catch receivers with impunity. I swatted down a pass even.

Now that the Pro Bowl is over I guess I channeled his spirit. Not like he's doing anything right now.

A shame it was cold, wet, raining, and my team still lost!

Funny & Truthful Quote From Last Night

Look, a woman with big brains is ten times better than one with big boobs.

Oh Yeah Billy Is Back!

*Listening to the radio while driving*
Wow this guy sounds like Billy Idol. That's cool.
Wow this song definately has a Billy Idol feel to it. Great guitar riffs.
Is this some classic Billy Idol song that I just don't remember?
No, the sound it way too clean so it's modern.
I wonder who this is? Sounds great.
*DJ announces that this is the first Billy Idol release since 1993 and the new cd will be out in March*
YEAH BABY!!!! I need a leather jacket NOW!

The Bachelor for Barrister's Ball

Reality TV and eBay are two of the strongest influences upon American culture at this time. It's about time I use them for my purposes. I'm capable of thinking outside the box when needed so I've come up with an interesting solution to multiple problems that I see.

Problem 1: how to get more money into the Loan Repayment Assistance Program that encourages newly graduated law students to take poor paying public interest jobs? I like public interest jobs. It proves that not all lawyers are soul sucking hired guns.

Problem 2: to have a 'date' for the Barrister's Ball aka the law school prom on SATURDAY MARCH 5TH. I use the term 'date' only because female companion sounds like I'm talking about a hooker. 'Date' comes closest to my desire to have someone to chat with over dinner, dance, and possibly take a nice walk with along the canal. Yes I know you can go to the Barrister's Ball solo. A 'date' is not a requirement. I would simply prefer to have one. I'm a people person and women are people.

Solution: auction a 'date' with myself to the prom on eBay with all the money going to a charity such as LRAP!

That part isn't hard. I'm a witty conversationalist, can salsa dance, there is a meal and open bar involved, so being my 'date' is no bad thing. Getting onto eBay is simple and PayPal can handle the money issues. I can write a check to the charity. The hard part is getting a documentary to videotape all this for a special Reality TV episode. Since I would be somewhat borrowing ABC's concept of The Bachelor I should give them first dibs. Whatever money I earn from the licensing deal can also go to charity. Or is this idea more like ElimiDate?

I think I'm onto something here. Does anyone have an idea what I might be worth?

Gev V Jetta Road Show On Tour

Long time readers know of my love affair with automobiles. If you've been paying attention you know I'm very intrigued by the new Generation V Jetta from VW. The five cylinder engine is the part I would really need to test. Well now VW is going on a road tour to introduce the automobile. You can preregister for test drives here.

One problem: I found out about this from an ad at the Taco Bell near campus yesterday. The local date was YESTERDAY! Note to VW marketing people. Taco Bell near a college campus is good. A better place to market would be in several of the buildings on campus so that graduating people hungry for new cars would see your test drive! ARGH!!

For those in other locations start clicking that mouse and see if the tour goes near you soon.

The Desire For Civility

Along the lines of my other recent post desiring that human being be civil in their speech (though I didn't articulate it as such), is this heart warming story. Sadly it is likely to fail I feel, but I can hope it works out.

Two lawmakers who crossed the political aisle to become congressional friends and basketball buddies began a drive on Wednesday for greater civility in the sharply divided U.S. House of Representatives.

With former House leaders on hand to recall the old days when Democrats and Republicans worked, drank and played golf together, they announced creation of a bipartisan Center Aisle Caucus.

For the older members of Congress perhaps golf would work out better than basketball? The concept is the same. You can believe in different things, you can disagree about them, but you can be civil and professional about it. You can be friends with the enemy. Would you believe some of my best friends are far-left liberals? We debate each other all the time, but we're respectful and civil about it. (Our insults are purely on a personal friendship level and we know it isn't meant to attack each other. Friends can get away with that.)

A fuller discussion for another day I suppose.

Confessions Poll: Ketchup

Stupid editing of student notes sucks up my time this week! No time to talk about so many of the things I really want to bitch comment upon. Let the weekend arrive!

The poll question - what is the purpose of french fries? Are they a nice snack by themselves OR merely a ketchup conveyance tool?

For me, let me put it this way...whenever I'm coming over to my parents and the ketchup bottle is half full, they grab another one from the store.

And So It Begins..Again

I don't have time to fully express my opinions so I'll cut to the chase. I will likely expand my thoughts on other blogs when I have more free time.

Dear Student Body,

About emails on the list-serv, please grow up. You are not in junior high school, but law school. You are 20-somethings, 30-somethings, and 40-somethings. You are adults. You are being trained to be professionals. Please be professional. If you have a problem with this request please come up to me and explain the problems that you have with this request. Please come up to me in the dark, but very loudly so I can hear you coming and take appropriate action.

Thank you.

I Hate Editing

Between prepping for the talent show last week and editing some 2Ls' Notes this week I haven't really come up with good stuff for Confessions. As I have a Friday afternoon deadline with those Notes blogging will likely be very light the next few days.

Though I hate editing and having to double and triple check citation formats I do like learning new things. Does anyone else like to just read the papers just to learn new information? I've learned so much about Genetically Modified Foods, the controversy of court ordered genetic testing due to privacy and legal harassment concerns, the difficulty of enforcing intellectual property rights against internet users, and the differences in gun laws in multiple countries. I don't know that I would have been exposed to those things without being in law review. That part is cool.

Which Head Has The Inadequate Size Here?

Stories like this make me wish a minimum intelligence requirement was instituted to file lawsuits. Three lawsuits are trying to claim class action status to represent one million people for false advertising against makers of herbal penis enlargement pills, alleging the medicine does not fulfill its promises [Ed. You mean magic penile pills don't work? Does the FDA know about this?].

The plaintiff [dude who sues for you non-legal folk out there] claimed he paid $59.95 for a 30-day supply of pills but "experienced no increase in penis size," and then was unable to collect a promised refund. The attorney said "many men had been taken in by dubious claims that the product would add up to 3 inches (7.5 cm) to their penises by "very, very convincing" advertising, such as infomercials featuring doctors and porn stars. [Ed. I always trust informercials and porn stars so why shouldn't anyone else?]
"Males, for whatever reason, may be susceptible because of what they feel they lack," DeNittis said. "It was so believable I confirmed with an expert (that the claims were false) before I filed the lawsuit. They said they had done medical studies proving that it works." "

That mysterious "They" is always the one to blame right? This is a lawsuit the where two of my belief systems conflict. One, I am against fly-by-night operators praying on people's stupidity. People like that should be punished. Two, how stupid do you have to be to believe stuff like this? You did something stupid and survived. Let that be your reward. I'm so conflicted on which side I want to win. Can they both lose?

Had To Share

Some people do not deserve the toys and tools they have. Some people are just tools.

Example #1: I'm right behind a guy in a Porsche 911 with the targa roof off to enjoy the fine 60 plus degree weather we have today. I notice his license plate holder says something like "I'm An Ass" and something about bodybuilding. At this point I notice it is a rather large man with no neck in front of me. The license plate is a vanity stating "SWOLEN" and I also notice the fine Porsche is losing the bottom part of the right quarter panel.

As further proof this toy should not be his, the guy makes a left turn into a parking lot. No big deal except he does it from the right lane and both lanes are a one-way south. Gotta admit the Porsche made the turn with ease.

Which 80's Hair Band Are You?

Now I just need the blond slinking on the hood of that car. Courtesy of Lucas.

My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Which 80s Hair Band Are You?, is whitesnake

Never Heard Of It

I've never heard of this site. My tech prowness must be diminishing. Does anyone even know what "omphaloskepsis" is? Blue is a nice color, but not my favorite. Courtesy of E McPan.


Which Website are You?

Confessions Poll: Pepsi vs. Coke

Blogger is being cranky today so this could be the only post of the day.

You can like both, but you can't like both equally. Which is better: Coke or Pepsi?

News & Commentary

First the commentary: It is 1:45pm and I am STILL exhausted and suffering from this weekend. It wasn't the booze, just the odd hours.

Second the news: I suspect I will regret this later on, but a friend has begged asked me if she could guest post on Confessions a bit. She wants to "try out this blogging thing a bit" without having to maintain her own blog initially. Translated she doesn't want the responsibility of having her own blog so she wants to piggyback on a built in audience.

I've explained what is involved, the difference between being public and anonymous, how to do the cool effects, and other technical/etiquette tidbits. We'll see how this goes. So if you see something that doesn't sound like me don't be shocked.

Since she hasn't decided on whether or not to be public I'm limited in what I'm allowed to say about her. Age between 21 and 40, location is within the United States, known each other between 3 and 15 years, is college educated, not a lawyer or law student, and she is not an ex.

Be on the lookout for her. Yes, I am going to regret this.

I Am Such A Rebel

More accurate than I care to admit.


Which OS are You?

Get Me Away From This Hellish Date

Those of you expecting me to wax on about the romanticism of this day are going to be disappointed. I don't like Valentine's Day actually. So, this is all you'll get for the holiday.

For those who are going out for a Valentine's Day dinner I hope you have no need for this service. Normally you just have a wingperson give you a prearranged call so you can escape a date. I've been that wingperson sometimes. Now it has gone professional. Is this service included in my minutes?

Dare To Be Funny

I didn't need to be at school to help setup the stage, host the sign, set up the tables and chairs, but I was. Setup for the talent show is a more hands the better proposition.

Hey Brian you went to Purdue and know that engineering stuff. What's the best way to get this banner up there?
Well Clark my degree is in psychology, but...

How many law students does it take to host a sign above the stage? At least five and that isn't including a professor.

We couldn't take the dress rehearsal in show order due to wannabe-1Ls taking the LSAT. So we ran the acts without sound first. I was the first act to do the dress rehearsal. Hey my stuff was funny to me, but now I was going to see if anyone else liked it. I may have appeared confident, but I was a little worried. My sense of humor has not translated well in the past. I made fun of two professors in the first minute. My audience of fellow performers and talent show committee folk seemed to enjoy it. A much needed boost for sure!

After seeing some fantabulous singers (one should go directly to American Idol), piano players, guitar players, and two of my favorite musical divas I suddenly felt rather undertalented. These folks were performing for the law school community while I was just going to mouth off. Don't get me wrong, mouthing off is a good skill at times. I decided to do something chancy: I invited my dad to come see the talent show. Oh my, what had I just done? The Fabulous Kelly P., our producer, gave me a job to do: official cameraman of the acts she wanted to record. Give Brian a tech toy and that will keep him entertained. I had fun learning to operate the camera. *giggles* Even got to reserve a seat for my official cameramanness.

A quick trip home for a shower and change of clothes. Refined my act a little bit, printed it off and went back downtown. I put my jacket on the seat next to me in case Dad showed up. Then I just rehearsed my lines, and munched on the Ginormous Cheeseball of Doom. "Oh Brian could you put that cracker someplace it belongs?" *picks up cracker, then puts in mouth with loud crunch* Woo-hoo cash bar, gotta get some social lubricant in me. I would have my lines with me on stage, but I only wanted to use them as a place holder and occasional prop for certain jokes.

The problem with being Official Cameraman was that wielding both the video camera and trying to get snapshots with my own camera proved a daunting task. I can take decent one handed pictures with my camera by pointing it in the general direction of my subject. But I usually do that trick using my right hand as cameras are built with righties in mind to operate the buttons. I had to palm my camera with the left hand and never could use the view finder. Point and Click style will prove very interesting with this roll of film. Also when juggling for my camera I let the video camera juggle a bit. Sorry Fabulous Kelly P., but the first few minutes of your tape might be a tad wobbly.

It was my turn at last halfway through the show. I was the first stand up comic of the night. Now I had to deal with a microphone. This makes a difference as I had to hold it and my notes at the same time. I was only using my notes as a place holder, but suddenly I would have to adjust some of the physical mannerisms due to the lacks of hands! On the other hand (metaphorically speaking) now I had a new tool to use. I can adjust my voice by placing the microphone in different places! As Johnny Carson once remarked, sometimes it isn't the joke, but the technique!

With the spotlight shining in my eyes I couldn't see more than two or three rows deep into the audience and believe me you don't hear them very well on stage. I'm shouting, I'm mimicking, I'm doing push-ups, I'm dropping my voice an octave for sound effects, and I hear some chuckles and that's it! Uh-oh, is the audience not liking the jokes? Are they finding the jokes too obscure? Are they chuckling because they see the humor, but it isn't funny enough for a bust out laugh? I wasn't nervous, but I was concerned. Luckily I had one ace up my sleeve, the totally outrageous material was at the end. NOW I REALLY HEARD LAUGHTER!!! Who knew law school induced senility, apathy, and debt could be so much fun?

I walked around a little to get more wine and everyone said I did great. Good, I can handle looking like an ass on stage (and in real life). I can handle everyone laughing with me, but not at me. So weird to play in front of 60,000 people all the time as part of a big group, but be with a few hundred by myself and suddenly you realize how vulnerable you are.

Maybe I'll have to do open mic night at Crackers with different material now?

The post talent show party was fun. I don't have time to go into it, but I'll tease you a little bit.

"Doing a U-Turn in front of the cop was not a good idea."

"Normally I'm so inhibited, but once you get some alcohol in me I have no problem cage dancing!"

"Oh you have much more talent than that stripper. Your moves were all natural."

"Dancing with you was great. You have some great curves to work with."

"Brian, you're not drunk with all the booze I fed you?"
"Nope. I am a Master."

"Yep we closed down the bar."

"Alright White Castle is going down! They jipped four law students in varying degrees of sobriety. Let's go back for our steamy goodness."

The Routine Is On Paper

My stand up routine is down on paper finally. They wanted 3 - 5 minutes and it is likely pushing the 5. With the hoped for laughs it might go longer. I knew basically the jokes I wanted to say. I simply needed them down on paper to organize them better. I'm setting up the stage in an hour. I'll review my material a few times during practice and when my turn arrives during the dress rehearsal hopefully I won't even need the paper. If I need the paper that's cool too. This is purely for fun and many professors have had their scripts with them on stage during the talent show.

$5, 7:30 pm tonight, and CASH BAR!
Be there or be square.

Just Move Along Please

Sorry I have to work on homework and write out my comedy routine for the talent show. No more blogging today. Move along, nothing to see here. I'll catch you on the flip side around Sunday or Monday.

Do NOT Fall For This Email!

Public Service Announcement from Confessions.

I received this email today. Whatever you do, DO NOT FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS! It is called a scam people. No bank will ever send you an email asking for your PIN.

D‮rae‬ Y‮oha‬o! Me‮bm‬er,

T‮sih‬ em‮lia‬ was s‮ne‬t by the Yah‮!oo‬ serv‮re‬ to ver‮fi‬y yo‮ru‬ b‮kna‬ card informa‮oit‬n. Yo‮ru‬ b‮kna‬ ask Ya‮oh‬o! to ‮ od ‬so beca‮esu‬ s‮mo‬e of t‮ieh‬r members no lo‮egn‬r h‮eva‬ acc‮se‬s to email ad‮sserd‬es on Ya‮ooh‬! and t‮yeh‬ n‮ee‬d to
v‮yfire‬ you. You m‮tsu‬ co‮pm‬lete t‮sih‬ pr‮seco‬s by cl‮ci‬king on the li‮kn‬ be‮ol‬w:
[URL deleted to prevent anyone from actually trying this]
and en‮iret‬ng y‮ruo‬ b‮kna‬ ATM-De‮ib‬t C‮dra‬ n‮rebmu‬ and PIN t‮ah‬t you use on A‮MT‬.

Not Quite The Good Samaritan

She flagged me down in the parking lot after class. I had some jumper cables so I figured she would be okay. No luck, the Honda just wouldn't turn over at all. It was like the battery wasn't even in the car. Even if the alternator was dead the jump should at least start the car, the battery just wouldn't recharge with a dead alternator.

I called the campus cops for her to see if they could jump start her (not likely) or try a few other tricks. I let her use my cell phone to see if some friends of her would pick her up. The good new is yes they were on their way.

She thanked me profusely for trying to help. I still felt bad because I couldn't solve her problem. The campus car crew arrived, but it felt like I was just handing off the problem to someone else.

Random Freedom Of Speech Thought

Had this thought in today's class.

First: Don't fight the hypo.

Second: Freedom of Speech is a good thing to have, but rather useless if the audience you want to speak to won't listen to you.

Once More With Feeling*

Title shamelessly stolen from The Fabulous Kelly P.'s post on the same topic.

The annual law school talent show is upon us this Saturday. My first year I merely paid my ticket to attend the event. My second year I decided to have my petty fiefdom assist in sponsoring the talent show. Got our society's name in the program. Oh yeah I also paid my ticket to attend the talent show. This year I wanted to do more. I'm actually going to be in the talent show. On top of that I've also donated some petty fiefdom money to once again sponsor the show. All ticket sales and donations go to the Loan Repayment Assistance Program. LRAP is a program to encourage lawyers to take valuable, yet poorly paying, legal jobs in the public sector. LRAP assists with paying those crushing student loans back.

But enough of my do-gooder routine! You want to know about the act. Originally I was wanting to have a comedy routine with appropriate musical elements. I quickly ran into a problem. I haven't played a horn regularly in over 10 years. Lips, like any muscle, are a use it or lose it situation. I can't even play C and D notes on a Bb scale for warmups. Oh crap! I knew there was no way to get my lips into playing condition so I'll have to use them in a different way: pure standup comedy.

The Fabulous Kelly P., as producer/director, is okay with us doing standup routines. We just have to keep it fairly clean as the talent show is advertised as a family friendly event. No F-bombs, no B-bombs, no S-bombs, though imposing on my freedom of speech this isn't too much of a limitation. I can do plenty of funny stuff without my usual profane potty mouth. When I'm on a rant Eric Cartman has nothing on me.

So if you're not doing anything Saturday night, come on down to The Black Hole and see the faculty, staff, and students perform their dreams. American Legal Idol 101 for only $5.

Oh yeah, two words: CASH BAR.

Just For The Librarians

For the multiple librarians in my readership I had to share this with you.

"With amazing push-button shushing action."

The Crying Game Of Track?

A prize winning track athlete who competed in women's events was actually a man, a court in Zimbabwe has been told. [Ed. This sounds like a very bad movie.] Prosecutors alleged Samukaliso Sithole offended the dignity and sexuality of a woman who befriended him, confided in him and felt comfortable being naked around him, all the while believing him to a woman. [Ed. Normally I would think it would be pretty easy to figure out the differences, but it appears I'm wrong.]

Sithole told the court he was born congenitally deformed. A tribal healer, known in the West as a witchdoctor, gave him ``female status'' but the spell didn't work properly because his family didn't pay the healer's full fee. [Ed. I knew it! Medical malpractice suit will be filed soon I bet. Maybe I should have taken MedMal.] When the police arrived to arrest the athlete, who was boarding a train to compete with his...err...her...err...whatever teammates, Sithole tried to sprint away from the train station but was caught. Police then supervised a medical examination. [Ed. Normally you need a male officer with a male suspect and a female officer with female suspects. I wonder if the cops used both just to be safe in case their informant was lying?]

Sithole competed in women's triple jump, javelin, shot-put and running events, and brought home Zimbabwe's only gold medal from the Southern Region Athletics Championships in neighboring Botswana last June. [Ed. At least Sithole went out a winner!]

No Surprises, Not Really

Courtesy of THL


You're a Narrative writer!


What kind of writer are you?
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What Did You Give Up For Lent?

Emergency Catholics like myself do not perform the rituals of Lent. Believe me I've already given up enough other things that the 40 day ritual is redundant in my life.

However, many of you do Lent so what did you have up for 40 days? Or what are you going to try to give up for 40 days?

Weather Reports From Bloggers

Amazing how much the world changes. I find out a snow storm is coming my way when I am IMing with a blogger in Kansas City. I wake up and notice the white stuff is coming down. So much for the morning jog. The cold I can deal with, but the snow slapping my face is a different story. I guess I'll go to the gym after class.

The Next President Will Be...

For West Wing lovers, aka The Fabulous Kelly P., the next President will be decided not by us, the loyal viewers, but by the writers of the show. The writers wish to figure out who is the most compelling character and make either Alan Alda or Jimmy Smits the next Pres. I guess Gary Cole as the current VEEP isn't in the running at all.

Series producer John "I'm driving a tank through the Chicago E.R." Wells insists real life politics won't influence the outcome of the Presidential election next season.

Indeed, neither Smits' nor Alda's character is a party ideologue. Both depict candidates who are politically moderate and disarmingly likable -- far more nuanced than the Republican challenger played by James Brolin [Ed. Previous producer and series creator Aaron Sorkin really created a numbnut character for the Republicans that year. He was quite P.O.ed about the Gore loss to Bush and admitted he was running a fictional campaign that should have been what the Democrats run in real life. Ah yes, Aaron Sorkin Zen-master political strategist!], who was defeated by Bartlet's re-election in the show's fourth season.

Wells admits that it isn't preordained for Smits to win. That means Toby, Josh, C.J., et al may be booted at the end of next season!

Wells dismissed what he called misconception about the show -- that its audience is overwhelmingly Democratic and agrees with Bartlet's politics. "That's actually not true, and I can prove it by our mail bag ever week," he said. "We have a very, very large Republican audience that loves to watch the show and throw things at the screen."

Hey! I have NEVER thrown anything at the screen.

Why Oh Why Didn't I Take The Blue Pill?

You scored as Sci-Fi/Fantasy. You scored Sci-Fi/Fantasy. Depending on the movie this might not deserve a "Congratulations", but you're interested in the future and imaginary worlds far from your own. You probably wish you could be somebody else, or live in one of the worlds from your favourite movies. Check out: Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, Star Wars, The Matrix. Sci-Fi/Fantasy 90% Mindfuck 85% Romantic Comedy 80% Mindless Action Flick 70% Artistic 65% Sadistic Humour 65% Drama/Suspense 20% Movie Recommendation. created with QuizFarm.com

Courtesy of THL

For Sale: Little White Lies

If you're in town or are willing to drive in this applies to you.

Okay here is the deal for my loyal readers. I have a pair of tickets for the ballet Dracula this Friday at 8. Something came up with my partner-in-crime so she asked if I could swap them for another showing. The venue has a no refund policy so I bought another pair for Sunday.

If you're into ballet or are looking for something romantic in a pre-Valentine's Day way or if you just want to do something fancy this Friday night I'm more than willing to sale the tickets to you. Cost value was $84 and they are pretty good seats.

The reason I'm advertising here first is that I lied when I said I had no problems with the swap. I didn't want her to feel guilty that I had to get a second pair. Guilt is a bad thing.

Or in the alternative I'll go with you on Friday night as well. Though personally I can't stay out that late as Saturday is stage setup and dress rehearsal day for the talent show. Please let me know if you're interested in the pair. Thanks.

It Figures

I took the Mighty Green Ranger through the car wash on Saturday. Pink and blue foam everywhere baby! First time in a month or so it has looked good. Today it's rainy! At least the water beads now.

When I was a teenager having to hand wash Stomper (it was a '79 Jeep Cherokee with a 401 cubic inch V-8 and as a friend comment it looked like a Stomper truck. That beast was so big I could stand up inside, bend over and my back would not touch the ceiling!) It usually took two afternoons to really clean Stomper up. One afternoon was to wash and dry, the second afternoon was to polish it. I rarely got to the polish ability as all the local weathermen would call my mother to see if I was washing Tonka that day. If I was they predicted rain within the next 48 hours. They were never wrong.

Happy 12 + 1 Thousandth Visitor

Okay, the counter is right at 13,000 visitors. Someone please visit soon and move that number. Which is worse: 13 or 666? Oh I'll hate it if I see 13,666 within the next few weeks!

Post Game Thoughts

1. I still hate New England.
2. For the most part a very entertaining game. Quite rare for a SuperBowl.
3. Philly QB Donovan McNabb just isn't that accurate a thrower. Those picks cost him points even if New England never really scored off of them.
4. Even without the threat of BoobGate let's be honest and compare this half time show with the past. This year you have Sir Paul McCartney: former Beatle. In the past you had Justin Timberlake, Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, and others. At least this year they had a star worthy of being in the SuperBowl. Can you get The Boss for next year?
5. You could tell the audience on the field was paid. No one under age 25 is going to jam like that for Sir Paul. No offense, but those that young just wouldn't feel that much for him.
6. If you play that many Beatles' songs why not bring back Ringo?
7. Best commercial was Fed Ex Kinkos with Burt Reynolds, the bear, and the groin kick.
8. Some of the Bud Light ones weren't too bad.
9. I saw the airport with nothing going on and complained the commercial was boring. Then you saw all the troops flying home and I realized it was a serious commercial thanking our defending warriors and felt like an ass for mocking the commerical.
10. Some of those CareerBuilder.Com commercials with the monkeys were good.
11. Most of the commercials really sucked. Not worthy of 2.4 million dollars for 30 seconds.
12. Donovan's mom obviously wasn't waiting in the end zone with enough soup to motivate her son to play better.

Almost, But Not Quite

I did not get the free lance columnist position that I applied too. However, they have kept my name for potential opinion columnist. That could be cool.

It appears they were looking for a lifestyle columnist. If we're going by my life then an opinion column would be a much better fit as I have no life currently!

SuperBowl Musings

For the first time in a long time there will not be a big football party. The addition of babies to the group has slowed down our parties. I have been invited to friends' so I do get to watch the game. I have plenty of nachos to bring, but I FORGOT TO BUY BEER YESTERDAY! Sonofabitch! Bringing wine would be stupid and would deserve to have my butt kicked if I brought wine. Oh, there is some tequila and rum here so I'm okay.

With Sir Paul McCartney on stage I'm confident no BoobGate will occur this year.

I fear that some commercials will be okay, some bad, and none will be great. Stupid FCC!

Oh yeah the game itself. I hate New England. I hate the liplock the media has on Tom Brady. It approaches Farve-esque proportions on their genuflecting to his false godness. I don't really care about Philly. But the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So I'm rooting for Philly. The problem is that New England has that certain luck that wins games. Maybe a black cat will walk across their bench during pregame. I WANT Philly to win. I expect New England to win though. It'll be even worse if it is a blow out.

Harmon Rabb Catapults Off JAG

Harmon Rabb Jr, the lawyer every woman wants and the lawyer every man wants to be, will not be on the next season of JAG. David James Elliot has decided to leave the drama [Ed. military legal fantasy] after it's 10th season.

A new character to be introduced this season will replace Rabb. Okay that won't work because no one can be as cool as Harmon Rabb Jr. The character is so cool it survives such a goofy name as Harmon Rabb Jr. He almost approaches Mentos (TM) Levels of Cool. I'll break it down for you.

1. Fantastic legal mind.
2. Flies and lands the megacool F-14 Tomcat that a couple of dudes named Tom Cruise and Anthony "Look I still have hair" Edwards flew in Top Gun.
3. Drives a Corvette.
4. Partnered with Catherine Bell.
   

The Clubhouse

When you were a kid, did you ever want to get into the cool clubhouse? You even knew some of the people in the club and thought you would be a shoe-in to join. Then you discovered your arch-nemesis was already in the club. Didn't that suck?

35.05 For 5K

I had been shopping for a good base layer to wick away moisture but the stores near me were either closed or going out of business so pickings were slim/non-existent. After class I headed up to a different store on the opposite side of town that would have a good selection. It's in a new strip mall so I was shocked that the light I chose to turn in with, didn't actually turn into the mall. Two U-turns later solved the problem, but geez.

Here are things you need to know. You shouldn't really dress in cotton, as in t-shirt, as the layer closest to your skin when you know you'll be working out. Cotton is a horrible insulator when wet and just absorbs your sweat. You want excess heat to leave your body, but a wet t-shirt sucks too much heat away from you on a cold day. Say it with me, hypothermia is bad. Since I would be running in close to freezing weather you now know why I really wanted a good base layer of clothing. When looking for a good base layer you want something that hugs your skin so it wicks away your sweat. A roomy t-shirt leaves air gaps between your skin and the material. It won't wick away the moisture.

The running pants were no problem. They even have zippers by the ankles to make a good seal on your leg. They were roomy and would keep heat. Wicking away sweat isn't very important on legs. The long sleeve upper was the interesting part. I choose white for visibility reasons. It had a nice turtleneck feature which I found a good idea. Trying it on in the dressing room was great. This thing hugs every curve you have. The only thing worse would have been if John Candy were wearing it. Luckily a t-shirt covers the base layer just fine for the sake of appearances. If the t-shirt as the outer layer gets sweaty on the cold day that isn't as important or dangerous. One credit card swipe later I had the important parts of my running outfit.

One stretchy base-layer of spandex, one t-shirt, and one zipped jacket later I got out of my truck and damn near fell on the pavement. The morning frost was quite slippery and not melted yet. 3.1 miles of this would be fun. I walked to the museum that was the start/finish line. I've never been in any kind of organized run before so I had no idea what to expect. I got the thing with my race number on it, two diaper pins to clip the number to my shirt, a free ticket to the museum that day, and the "chip" that kept track of my time. I looked at the chip and the little plastic thingie and had no idea what to do with them. A nice guy told me to use the plastic thingie to tie the chip to my shoes. Excellent. I am learning something!

I had done no running at all since last Saturday. Since I have some 'free' time this semester instead of being diligent and working, I've been lazy and goofing off. Not a good idea if I want to train for a 13.1 mile monster in a few months! The siren went off around 8:30 and the mass of humanity ran off. It took me around 90 seconds to even get to the start/finish line due to the multitude of people in front. Some beeper sounded off as our timing chips went over the padding at the start line.

The first half mile was great as I kept my pace, but was passing so many people. I found gaps between people and zipped through. We went past the zoo and this small hill. Oh that hill hurt. The race had a way station at 1 mile and I picked up a cup of water. I could only take in a gulp at a time and almost didn't have this small cup empty by the time the row of trash cans ran out. The race timer said 11 minutes 30 seconds, but I figured I was on a 10 minute mile so far due to the 'late' start.

We headed north up a incline. I didn't see any critters in the zoo. We hung a right back towards campus and The Black Hole. The river had an interesting odor this morning. I felt myself slow. People had been passing me for awhile. The Gatorade at the Mile 2 station was sweet. I didn't want to go to a walking pace. I wasn't feeling pain, but I felt tired. Even with the jacket completely unzipped I was very warm in the sub-40 weather. I didn't see anyone in our reading room as I swung right at The Black Hole. At the canal I gave one last burst of energy. I didn't want to be passed by this one woman. I had nothing against her, but I selected her as a landmark. We jogged for a block and this guy who was walking suddenly started jogging again. We ate his dust. Right before the corner was the Mile 3 marker. I didn't care what times the lady there was shouting at us. The museum driveway was in sight. Some lady made a sprint for it. I thought about running the last 20 yards, but decided to just keep jogging along. My feet and knees were tense, but not in pain. Maybe I stretched out really well for a change? I heard the timer beep as I crossed the finish line.

Food Row game me some water, a banana, and a cookie. They had people with knives and boxes to collect the timing chips back. One woman who had worn shorts for the run took off her shoes so she could put pants on. Steam rolled off her socks. I definitely was not cold at all. I didn't set any speed records. I only wanted to jog the entire way and finish the 5k. My time was 35 minutes 5 seconds for the 3.1 miles. I was the 579th finisher out of 812 participants.

I didn't set the world on fire, but I accomplished what I wanted to do. That counts for something. Oh yeah, I got a bought an appropriate shirt after the race. NEON YELLOW and this training shirt can be seen from 30,000 feet! I might wear it in class to see how many retinas I can burn out.

All TiVo'ed Up On Smallville

I HEART other people's TiVo, especially when they have my Smallville for me. I was so thrilled to have Special Guest Psycho Alicia (played by Sarah Carter) back. Sarah is such a flexible actress. She can play lesbian lovers on Boston Legal and Teleporting Psychotic Girlfriends on Smallville.

Actually last season I never understood why Clark couldn't get past Alicia trying to kill Lana. I mean really what is the First Rule: Redheads, whether natural or bottled, are NOTHING but trouble! (I speak from experience) A girlfriend that could teleport me to Seattle for dinner and is willing to take care of some of the pesky women in my life would be the perfect woman! I'm NOT seeing any downsides here.

Of course Smallville, and Clark Kent, can't juggle FOUR women! You already have that troublesome redhead Lana, a brunette named Lois Lane, and a blonde Chloe. No way could you add in a superpowered freak who can appreciate another superpowered freak! Besides you can't kill off Lois Lane. The entire Superman universe would implode. Kristin Kreuk and Allison Mack are in long term contracts so you can't kill them off either. Bye-bye guest star because your contractual rights are lesser than the others. In yet another example of bad writing, once the bad guy touches you just teleport away from him. No need to allow the scum to put the rag of sleeping chemical on your mouth. Stupid lazy scriptwriters!

Speaking of stupid lazy scriptwriters how did the entire town know Clark and Alicia got married in Vegas? Not like anyone saw them and for whatever reason it wasn't a legal marriage. (Though unless one of the two were under age 18 I have no idea how that would be possible. Being drunk or stones usually isn't enough to get out of wedded bliss. Being a law student really fugs up my enjoyment of some things on TV)

*sigh* I'll miss Sarah Carter...err Alicia. We need to see more of her. Much more of her. *cough* Clark, if someone kills the woman you love you don't hesitate when you have the scumbag's neck in your hand. Darn that supermoral quality of Superman! We'll see how Chloe treats knowing about Clark's superpowers. She already has one point in her favor: she isn't a redhead because as we know redheads are NOTHING but trouble!

Oh yeah, since when did Minnie Driver become a singer? A very good singer at that. "Deeper Water" was beautiful and heartfelt.

Ditching The Date

Note to self: I'm so glad I don't do any of these to persuade a woman to not have a second date with me. My stupidity is far more interesting than those five things!

Note to women: You see #1? I don't want to hear about your ex-husband any more than you want to hear about my ex-GF. It cuts both ways okay?

What Would Make This Last Semester Better?

*WARNING: Extreme use of sarcasm in this post. Do not take literally in any way. The purpose of this post is to provide humor and nothing more. It is not a personal or professional commentary on any events, real or imagined. Some events have a grain of reality to them, some are quite real, some events are purely made up.*

In my RequestLine (In which only 2 people even bothered to put comments in! I am SO disappointed in my readership) Baddox requested my thoughts on how this last semester of hell...err...law school would be better. Oh I have plenty of ideas on that issue.

In no particular order I think these would make my life so much happier.

1. Bring in the senior senator of the state, as a guest speaker. No one hates him as he has statesman qualities. Even Democrats like him because they respect him. A nice reminder of when politics still had some gentlemanly qualities.

2. I can think of one job around school that I would love to do: Office Linebacker. When a gunner just won't shut up I should tackle him. When the professor has no clue how to teach the material I should tackle him. When a student throws away a candy wrapper into the metal recycling bin I should tackle him. When some students are simply an arrogant ass I should tackle him/her/all of them. Pain and fear are such good motivators.

3. Classes. I wonder if I should have taken Sexual Harassment with a friend. She said she would let me practice on her. Stupid me for trying to be practical with my schedule.

4. Sex. Six months ago I would have said 'relationship,' but I've come to a very different conclusion now. A relationship implies two people that care about each other, are willing to assist each other, and want to spend time with each other. You sure as hell aren't going to find THAT in a law school! Why? It assumes that compassionate people are in the student body. No such thing exists! I don't know if school creates the people we become or if certain traits are attracted to school, but this place is full of uptight, anal, frustrated, obsessive compulsive, dour human beings. This does apply to both men and women around here just so you know. For my purposes (because if you're a guy I just not that into you) though if you even find a single woman here, she'll be so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up her ass, you'd have a diamond in two weeks. And then she would worry she'd owe taxes on it. I had an epiphany a few weeks ago that most people around here don't need alcohol or drugs to relax them, they just need a good lay. After hearing a major mack down session in the locker room (trying to time the opening of my locker to such noises was the fun part for me) I noticed the people involved were so much calmer the next day. Instead of worrying about grades a good groin buddy solved the problem. I would just recommend a more private place, perhaps in a study room with newspaper over the windows or your kitchen table. I know I would be for more relaxed and less dour after a good session.

5. Oh, here's another job I would love to have: Official Temptation. Many students need to be weeded out of the program. By distracting those who can't cut it I'm providing a valuable service. Our society should demand the best lawyers possible from our schools. The nice thing is that this job should occur at any school. Those uppitdy Ivy Leaguers NEED to hire me to thin out the ranks. "Hello, my name is Mr. Temptation. Would you like a beer?"

Yeah any of those would make this semester so much better.

Beaming Outta Here!

Yep, this is the last season of Enterprise. Low ratings have killed the mighty Star Trek franchise. I hoped that Enterprise would be good. By placing it as a prequel you didn't have all the stupid technology that was a crutch for lazy writing. I need something goofy to happen, where's the holodeck? I need to swap bodies, how about a transporter accident? We need great tension to occur, how about the shields fail?. Really, by not having all of the traditional Trek toys I figured it would force the writers to come up with good stories. Sadly I could come up with better scripts than many of the episodes I've seen.

At least good writers are on Stargate and BSG. Long live the new kings of Sci-Fi!

Updates

I have a few new links for you to play with. As always please be kind to any new and inexperienced bloggers.

Actually this is a good time to explain the Theory of Triangular Reciprocity: You hurt my friend the new blogger, she is upset by your actions, I hurt you. Pretty simple eh?

3rd Annual SOTU Translation

I have some soiree I'm attending after class, but I will be home before 9pm. Why is that important? I'm watching the State Of The Union so I can provide you with the 3rd Annual SOTU Translation! This is merely a placeholder for that post. The purpose of the translation is to allow people not familiar with political speech and all those goofy nuances to read the SOTU in plain easy to understand English. Should be fun!

EDIT: Gag the soiree was killing me. Watching the SOTU was far more fun than that gig. I've filtered out the Politicalese so this is a proper translations of President Bush's State Of The Union.

My fellow Americans. You all remember you got your jobs a few months ago with the folks voted for ya. Now them Afghanis and Iraqis voted folks in to have jobs like yours. Give me a hell yeah! I had a big party two weeks ago on the Capitol steps. You remember that? W. is for Winner!

The state of our union is confident and strong. Damn I’m getting old in this job. Hey what are we doing for the children? We gotta do better for them young’ens. We need to revive the economy and make jobs, jobs, jobs. *pan to John McCain sleeping* We’ve added 2.3 million jobs. Some of them better than working at Taco Bell. The federal government spends too much. I’ll submit a budget that is still more expensive than ever, but the stuff we don’t have to pay for will be under inflation. I’m getting rid of programs that don’t do jack. Taxpayer dollars must be spent wisely or not at all. No I’m serious on this. *pan to John Kerry clapping*

We need smarter kids. Oh hell how are we going to do that? Where’s a good teacher and active parents when you need them? We must reward small businesses who think up a better light bulb. Let’s protect them from those scumbag lawyers and frivolous lawsuits. We gotta have legal reforms to protect ourselves from greedy lawyers out to line their own pockets. About health care, can we make it cheaper somehow? How about give sick people some choices? Someone oughta write up some statutory code to make life beautiful for sick and healthy folks. This is Washington, code writing fixes all problems. I want patients to choose their own doctors and ban those lawyers.

We need cheap go-go juice for our economy. Four years ago I asked for conservation, exploration, nukes, and some other stuff, oh yeah alternative energy sources. You all been debating this for four years. Let’s get it on you legislators!

We need to update the old system. Look at that tax code. I’ve made a panel to analyze what them other panels said. We’ll make taxes fair to all or at least recommend it. About all those immigrants that keep jumping the borders, we gotta work on this. We need a border that lets in cheap labor that American teenagers don’t want to perform, but keeps out terrorists.

That FICA dude who steals so much of our paychecks. We need to work on that too. The system don’t work because it’ll run out of money in a few years. We gotta fix that. 45 millions gray hairs get money from Social Security. Millions more will get it soon. All you old folks that get scared easily, we ain’t changing the system for you so please be quiet. We’re changing it for the young folks because they won’t get any cash by the time they retire. It’s a great big ponzi scheme to be honest. We, the Feds, just keep adding benefits and costs to the system. That’ll screw ya. In 2018, Social Security will pay out more than it takes in. Deficit spending galore. Can’t have that for Social Security. We only do that with the regular budget. In 2042 the system is bankrupt. *groans as everyone else wants to avoid the buck* I’m asking Congress to get off their duff and get the job done you weenies. You and I gotta pass reforms that’ll make Social Security fixed permanently. We gotta look at it all. I’m even invoking Slick Willy and his suggestions. All ideas are on the table because the children are more important than politics. Teddy you paying attention over there?

I’ll listen to every good or lame-brained idea you got. We gotta work on this, but we can’t screw it up and tick off those on the system now. AARP hates everyone else on this. I recommend Personal Retirement Savings Accounts for the young ones *pan to Senator Obama who has done jack, but is still a darling of the media* Okay you pay into the system, but you put a little bit in your own savings account. It’s your money. The government can’t take it away. Well that’s what we’ll tell you. We got lawyers working on this problem to grab any money we can. The stock market is going to love this. Go Dow Jones go! Look we’re already doing this for federal employees. We’re just letting everyone else in on the game.

We need to bring up moral children. Government ain’t moral so we shouldn’t do this. About those activist judges who write annoying opinions all the time let’s get a marriage amendment.

We need to work on diseases and illness. Let’s not have embryos being exploited, nor the human body be on the futures market. Judges have a duty to faithfully interpret the law, not legislate from the bench. As Pres I get to appoint judges. Cool function eh? The Senate has a part in this: every nominee deserves an up or down vote. Just do it!

Gangs and jails don’t work for young inner city boys. Being in jail or dead is just plain bad. We got to get the thug out of the man. We’ll support groups that will teach respect for woman and disrespect to the gangs. I’m appointing my wife to work on this. Thanks honey, luv ya!

Please reenact the Ryan White Act. AIDS is bad and that will help. Let’s focus on African Americans and their problems with AIDS cause they’re getting most of the new cases. YIKES!

We need and honorable and accurate justice system. We’re funding more money to get DNA training to go. We need competent lawyers for capital cases. Due process is important before we can fry them. The criminals, not the lawyers.

Now it’s time to talk about terrorism. We’ve been working on this for three and a half years now to make the homeland safer. Let’s thank all them policie officers, firefighters, doctors, nurses and a whole lot of other folks and give them a hell yeah! Our nation, working with allies, friends, and less than friends, have nabbed lots of bad guys these past few years. We’ve invaded two countries to get at them. The best defense against terrorists is a good offense, and we’re just going to matriculate down the field. I thank the Congress for giving the military money. They can blow up lots of good stuff with enough money.

We have 28 countries on the ground in Iraq and even the U.N. and E.U. got off their duffs and helped with this weekend’s election. In the next four years I’m building more coalitions to go after terrorists, and going after them we are. Let freedom ring! Let the light blow out the hatred of those crazy terrorists. Our goal is simple. Get rid of tyranny in the world, by finding all the bad guys on the planet.

Our difference is that we’re not going to impose our ideas on others. Our goal is to have communities of nations that are free and answer to their citizens, even if they hate us like the French. Afghanistan, Iraq, the Ukraine, we got elections all over the place. Ain’t it cool?

Secretary of State Rice is working on the Palestinian problem and their terrorists. She’ll work on seeing if the Palestinians can get their own land without pushing the Jews into the sea. That might cost around $350 million or so. Just lettin’ ya know.

I’m reminding the Saudis can lead the way by allowing their own citizens a voice. Egypt has to do something to. We can’t have weapons of mass murder because weapons of mass destruction is passé now. We even got a law scolding Syria to stop being bad. Let’s see how well that works.

Iran is still evil. We’re working with the Europeans to prevent nuclear proliferation and I have a personal message to the Iranian people trying to revolt right now, America stands with you. We’ll talk about sending you all guns later.

All the Middle Eastern terrorists have come to Iraq to play with us. That’s good because we don’t want to play them at home. Our military will play a mean game against the traveling terrorist. I love the Iraqi people; they voted this weekend to spite the evil forces of terrorism.

The insurgents are weak and afraid of democracy and the Iraqis voted in a great act of personal courage while avoiding mortar fire. You showed up our lazy citizens who won’t even vote in the rain.

Thanks to that Iraqi election the whole world knows now that some nutjobs are determined to thwart the will of the Iraqi people. *pan to Dick Lugar* The Iraqis say they want to handle all the security. We’ll gladly train you as fast as we can and our G.I.s can take a more supporting role. We’ll loan you plenty of flak jackets. Don’t worry we will stand by you.

Ain’t gonna to be some artificial time table to get our men and women off the firing line. Scumbags will just try to wait us out if we’re that stupid. We’ll leave when the job is done with glory and honor. Give me a hell yeah! Thank God for our soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen. They make this country look good.

In these 4 years we’ve seen the agony of defeat and the joy of victory. America’s job is simple: to spread liberty where we can. We dream big, but accomplish big. The road ahead is tough, but we know where the road goes. We’ve seen this map before. It leads to freedom and God bless America.