I Admit Defeat. Send In Jeff With The Snake!

It started with putting some leftover chicken and rice in the garbage disposal. The next thing I know the sink is backed up and water is rising up. That was probably 2 weeks or so ago. Luckily I can take most of the pipes apart easily. They're plastic and simply screw together. Draino wasn't working so after the disassembly I noted nothing was in the pipes. Hummmmm.

Since it seemed okay I put the sink pipes together and had to run the dishwasher. Upon my return from a quick grocery shopping trip I had water flowing out of the sink, onto the counter and into my family room. That was last two Sundays ago.

Ater more Drano I finally took all the piping apart and shoved a snake down the line where it meets the wall. The hole in the wall takes a sharp left, then eventually goes down and I think hits a bend that comes back into the sink cabinet. The snake didn't seem to hit anything, but I shook the wire real good. Upon putting the pipes back together I had water clogged up in the sink yet again.

What's a guy to do? Go to The Home Deport! I bought a power snake that attaches to a drill and a water blaster. The water blaster is a piece of rubber that attaches to a garden hose. You slip the hose into the pipes. The blaster will swell to fit the pipe and it has a hole on the end to eject a jet of water into the pipe. In theory this pressurized water will blow the obstruction out of the pipes. Yes I realize this sounds like a leaky condom, but get your pornographic minds out of the gutter. Problem one, the blaster couldn't get shoved into the pipe because it takes such a sharp left turn. No jokes about putting it in the hole. Problem two, I had to attach a second section of hose so I had enough length and the water leaked out the connection, the blaster didn't swell to fit the pipe and I had a flood of water all over the place before I shut the whole operation down. Oh that sounds so wrong. My kitchen looked like something out of Home Improvement. Where's Al when I need him?

After mopping up the mess came the power snake. I couldn't get that thing extended more than 8 feet. To many kinks in the pipes. The drill twisted it around in the pipe, but I swear it didn't hit anything. After a few tries I finally retracted the snake the last time. I swear it was dripping heavy crude oil. What a mess. Guess what, my drain was still clogged!

You remember in Armageddon where they picked up the crazy Russian cosmonaut? You remember when they're trying to get off the asteroid Bruce Willis is about to blow up? "Russian part, American parts, they're all made in Taiwan!" Then hit beats the crap out of everything to get the shuttle to launch. Yeah that was me under the sink at this point. It didn't work.

It was time to call a professional. I'm waiting by the door looking for the van to arrive. I'm sure I looked like a mournful dog. I was really waiting to guide the Roto-Rooter guy to my place. No signs are here so people get lost all the time. Jeff arrived a $2,000 power snake on a dolly. The motor roared as he continued to feed the snake into the pipe. Jeff said he hit something and kept on going. After retraction I had to put the pipes back together myself. Since I took them apart I had to put them back together. Next time I won't be so nice and considerate.

I ran the water for a few minutes and the drain didn't clog. I filled the sink full, then let it drain. I hadn't heard such a great sucking sound since NAFTA. I even had a little whirlpool in my sink. Jeff spent more time waiting for my credit card to go through than he did actually working on the problem. After the fact now I wish I called in the professionals sooner. Like Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor says sometimes you need a more powerful tool.

My grumpy-meter fell significantly after this. A broken furnace for a month, a water leak in my bathroom, and clogged sink for 2 weeks. I wonder what else will go wrong with this place soon? Oh well I have to do the dishes now.

The Good & Bad Of The Jobhunt

I consider it amusing to see various law firm networks hit This Old Blog. I wonder if they are old friends checking up on me. Hey send me an email if you hear of some job opening please.

THE GOOD:

5:30 pm, the Friday after Thanksgiving, I'm downtown mailing an application packet. The mail clerk asks me if I want to overnight it. Given the packet only needed to travel about 6 to 8 blocks I replied if it couldn't get there by the Monday deadline something was wrong with the system.

I retrieve my mail today and see a letter from potential job. It simply acknowledged they received my application and forwarded it to counsel. Now THAT is fast turnaround for both them and the postal service! It wasn't a ding letter either :-)

THE BAD:

I took today off for various reasons. Since I had the free time I hunted for job leads. I'm at a large jobbank that could provide leads. I can upload my resume and potentially have employers contact me. Excellent, time for this database to work for me! Sadly you don't simply upload the resume into the database. As a user I must fill out all their forms. My email address is my User ID and I create a password. It doesn't confirm or reject me, but goes directly into the first of twelve screens. Oh great a 12 step program.

Step 2 is Employment History. I start to fill that out, but the form wants exact dates. I don't have exact dates so I'm randomly selecting a day to go with the months and years I do have. Also I'm manually entering job duties, filling out salary histories, job titles and what not. I've filled in two of my seven prior jobs, but I need to meet friends for lunch. There is NO SAVE BUTTON! Did it ever occur to this database developer that someone might have to fill out the 12 steps over a few sessions? I just leave the computer on as I'm at lunch.

It get back from lunch and click "Add Job" and get a timed out message. I wasn't that far along anyway so I start over. I try to log in, but it doesn't recognize the User ID or password I gave it a few hours earlier. I reenter them and go directly to the first step screen again. After about 45 minutes of filling in my job history I wonder who designed such an unfriendly interface. I get to Step 5: Education. The Education screen has no problem with high school, but had no clue what a J.D. was. "Entry not found. Please enter correct value." Okay, this is a free form where I type something in. This form doesn't have preselected options so what does it consider to be correct values? A search screen comes up and after 2 attempts of serving J.D. the database replies with a Peoplesoft session timed out screen.

I guess being a lawyer does make things worse.

Oh, the database still doesn't recognize my User ID and password and I went in a third time to discover NONE of the work had been saved. I decided to not go any farther.

Dear Database Designer and Web Master your system sucks! I have never seen such a horrendous kludge of an interface. That job bank has to be the most user unfriendly site I've ever seen. I can search for jobs easily enough, but did you design the system so clunky to keep people from posting their resumes on there on purpose? Is this a way for evil pointy haired bosses to prevent their cube dwellers from transferring?

I have friends who do database design. I think I'll ask them to put in a bid to redesign that site.

Send Some Positive Vibes Please.

When I have a bad day I need to remind myself that things can be worse. For example I had the perfect car accident. Aside from a trashed bumper and a bump to my incredibly hard armored head the Ranger and myself were fine. Sadly the most fantabulous Lady L didn't have the perfect crash. When the phone conversation starts with, "Well I'm out of the hospital now..." you know it isn't a good day. I'm very thankful she's okay aside from some bruising and scrapes. The airbags did the job they were designed for. (As an aside when shopping for a new vehicle I highly encourage you get the side airbag option if available and Anti-Lock Brakes.) As for her chariot even my skill with a wrench won't get the job done. Cars can be replaced (and I've already made some recommendations), people can't.

Even though the Lady L should be okay in a few days could you send any spare positive vibes you have her way. I'm sure she would appreciate it. Thanks.

My Spidy Sense Says

Stolen from Legal Quandary.

Okay so I'm like Spider-Man. I can dig that. He is the penultimate hero of the Marvel Universe. Note that Superman is a close second: the penultimate hero of the DC Universe. Combine both for the real world and does that make me the penultimate hero of the legal universe, the blogging universe, the substitute teacher universe, or at least anyone's point of view?

Heh no one probably looks up to me and I'm having a hard time remembering the last time I saved a damsel in distress. Bummer.

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 90% Superman 85% Robin 64% Green Lantern 60% Batman 55% Hulk 55% Iron Man 55% Supergirl 47% Catwoman 45% The Flash 35% Wonder Woman 17%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

I'm So Embarrassed I Missed One!

I need to catch you up on some of the Adventures In 8th Grade! Believe me, when the sub strikes back it ain't pretty! Respect is something you earn and she didn't earn mine. The truth isn't pretty and I'm a blunt guy!

Until then I leave you with yet another cheesy quiz. Welcome to the suck.

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

My Genetics Say Blue

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Indy Cultural Tidbit: The End Of Local Legends

I've never been much of a nightclub/bar person. Even in ye olde college days I rarely hit a bar. The extreme noise that blocks out talking to the person next to you, the foul stench of cigarette smoke, overpriced drinks, and sometimes sticking to the floor simply never appealed to me.

Yet before the Patio closes after 40 years tomorrow I think I'll try to get into the building once and see what it is like. Live music in Broad Ripple is going out with a bang at least.

The Day After Thanksgiving

Raise your hand if you woke up this morning and was not hungry at all.

Some people had to wake up early to shop with the frenzied masses. I, on the other hand, woke up at 6 and decided to keep on sleeping. I woke up at 8 and decided to keep on sleeping. At 9 I decided I should get up. Nice knowing you don't have to be anywhere on a holiday weekend eh? Besides it was 15 degrees with near 0 degree wind chill. The blankets were much warmer!

Something odd happened this holiday: I enjoyed it for the most part. It was good to see the 80 + year old grandparents who are in decent shape. They want to head back to much warmer Florida soon. I'm thinking they'll stay after Christmas. Most of the relatives that annoy me were elsewhere this year. The few that showed up tended to be quiet or in another room.

Mom decided to show me off like a 3rd grade show n'tell project. "My son, the lawyer..." Geez Mom! I even gave real legal advice, "You'll want to consult an experienced trust attorney for that type of asset protection." The key to being a newbie lawyer is remembering that you are minimally competent and able to resist the urge to show off.

Time to work on a few cover letters and get them mailed out. I hope I can find an office supply store that IS NOT located near a mall today.

I'm The Stuffing & Happy Thanksgiving To All.

Stolen from LQ:

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together. People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

New Scents For The Jobhunt

Monday I wasn't called into a school to babysit the hellions our society produces. That is another post for another time. I enjoyed the time off because it allowed me to finally spend a few hours in one sitting to look for potential jobs. I went to about 25-30 websites of places that looked interesting to me. Note to webmasters: please put "Jobs" or "Employment" as a drop down menu or a button on your site. It was interesting to use Yahoo's search engine to find your open jobs when your own internal search engine failed!

Anyway I found a few job openings and I'll send plenty of resumes out soon. One placed wanted a packet of information. Not an uncommon thing, but they wanted transcripts. Since it was part of a generic form they used it didn't specify what type of transcripts, undergraduate or otherwise. I figured both types. I'm so glad I went to a school an hour away. By mail or fax the Registrar's office is notoriously slow in turnaround. In person they're quite speedy.

After lunch I drove up to ye olde undergraduate institute. Since transcripts are free I asked for 5. You never know when you might need to have a transcript handy so a small stockpile seems like a good idea. I was in and out in 10 minutes. Now began the hour or so drive back to downtown. Why is driving so exhausting? It isn't as if you're doing much work.

The law school provides one free voucher for transcripts. Otherwise it costs $7 per transcript. This is another reason why I'm not fond of the university. They really nickel and dime you to death. I decided on 3 transcripts because I only had a $20 bill on me at the time (1 free and pay for 2). It seems our student ID numbers have changed to something other than our social security number. A good idea for protection against identity theft, but I have no idea what this new number is. I had to look it up for the Registrar. Shouldn't the Registrar be able to look up my info? They have my name, birthdate, and a picture ID. It should prevent two different Bob Smiths from getting the wrong transcript. Whatever.

Now I have my stockpile of grades. Oh the joy. I wanted to work on the packet today after teaching, but my recalcitrant plumbing foiled that plan. Hopefully tomorrow I'll work on it. I need that real job soon.

Band and Blogging Counts...Right?

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Who Were You In High School?

Who Is Going To Be The Co-producer?

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Tater-Tastrophy

I spent 2 hours chopping up 7 lbs of potatoes into 1/4 to 1/2" cubes. The small size allowed them to boil easily and my new masher was great. I demand MAXIMUM POTATO MASHING POWER! $4 for a nylon masher by Revere is a good buy in my book. For next year I either need to either create larger cubes for less cutting time or chop it all up the night before.

I had LOTS of garlic and butter mixed in. I was ready for the Thanksgiving Extravaganza. With around 50 people coming I figured my bowl would be empty since I was bringing the good stuff instead of a box of flakes.

For a gathering this large you need to have multiple people bring the same dishes in order to have the basics covered. At least 2 people brought stuffing, multiple desserts, and at least 3 people brought mashed potatoes in addition to one sweet potato dish I saw (oh that one was so good). Unfortunately BiggMann brought 20lbs of mashed potatoes. Mine was barely touched because everyone was full.

I can accept in years past where my food wasn't touched because it wasn't good. This year I'm thwarted by excess production. Strangely enough the experience reminded me of law school: no matter what actions you take it doesn't matter.

At least I saw numerous friends, a local newscaster, 2 good football games on TV (go Colts!), and even wished the CAG a happy birthday today. Overall a good experience. Would anyone like some mashed potatoes?

Not Quite A Loser This Week

Week 12 results are in. This is my best week since Week 4. 5 out of 9 teams playing won. I would like to thank Washington State for winning the Apple Cup and FINALLY winning one PAC 10 game. Given the fact no one in the PAC 10 plays defense you would think Washington State would accidentally win one or two games in conference play. I also thank San Jose State for FINALLY winning one game in WAC play.

Next year I will make the time to research teams before picking them. I don't expect to win next year either, but getting smoked isn't fun. Week 13, Conference Championship Week and Bowl Games to go. Perhaps I can still pull out of last place?

Rivalry Week: Oaken Bucket Edition

Rivalry Week: the best time of year. Far too many rivals play this week on the gridiron to note, but I'll highlight a few good games.

If you're an SEC fan then Auburn-Alabama in the Iron Bowl will be good. The SEC's top offense meets their top defense. I think I have one or two 'Bama fans here.

The Big 10 features the cataclsymic Michigan-Ohio State game at Michigan. Largest football stadium in the world with over 110,000 screaming fans. I'm sorry Citations, but I have a bad feeling about your Wolverines. Michigan has improved these last few games, but this might be the first 4 loss Wolverine team in a few years.

For me the Number #1 game will be the Oaken Bucket clash between Purdue-Indiana in Bloomington. Sadly both teams are playing for pride as both are 4-6 and unable to go bowling. I'm heading south towards enemy territory for the first time in 4 years. I'm hoping for a win, but am highly concerned. Those pesky Indiana Hoosiers have taken a step up. The Boilermakers took a large step backwards this season. I still believe Purdue is a rung higher on the Big 10 ladder, but IU is good enough this year to capitalize on our mistakes. With luck things will be okay and I can shut down for the college football season.

Go Boilers!

Is This A Legal Cause Of Action?

I didn't get a chance to post this after it happened, but not too long ago I had to search for a diaper changing station. The Lady L wanted to change a cutie's little stinky deposit. The Q'Doba we had brunch at didn't have a diaper changing station in their bathroom. This did not please The Lady L and she filled out a comment card at staff's direction.

The little strip mall we were at didn't have many stores open yet so I walked across the parking lot to Taco Bell. Having consumed many a chalupa at this store over the past few years I didn't recall seeing one in the men's room, but maybe the ladies' room would have one. None in the men's room, and I insisted The Lady L check the other bathroom for herself. No need for a perfect stranger to call me a perv. No luck in the women's room sadly.

"Can I sue someone for not having a diaper changing station?" asked an exasperated Lady L.

I had to think about that. You can sue anyone for anything. The real question is can you win. My mind full of legal powers thought the better course of action would be to change building codes. Any public place where children are expected should have a diaper changing station. Thus nightclubs, bars, and more adult oriented places would be exempted. I'm sure a good public health argument can be made for providing sanitary places to change unsanitary diapers. Given these stations mount on a wall and don't take up much space it isn't an undue burden on siteowners.

The Lady L asked me to get right on that problem. What am I working for free now?

No I'll Torture Anyone Really!

The pie thing is correct though.

Your Monster Profile

Twisted Gaze You Feast On: Pie You Lurk Around In: Closets You Especially Like to Torment: Republicans

What's Your Monster Name?

Ah The Old College Days

You're A Passed Out Drunk

Drinking gives you that warm fuzzy feeling, until you're thrown in the back of a police car...

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Go To Sleep

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are confident and ready to tackle life. You are pretty vain and happy with your physical appearance. You are born to be the center of attention, and you're unhappy on the sidelines. You're always up for trying something new - in and out of bed!

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

The Way Things Ought To Be

""Wussy" Supreme Court decisions can now be overruled by a three-member panel
consisting of Mr. T, Mike Ditka, and The Rock."

I can agree to that. I can agree to most of the conditions actually. Good job.

Truly A Genius Quote

Courtesy of The Mighty Haltor:

"From what I've heard on tv, they've pretty much assured ND an at large BCS bid. Now the only question is which team gets to spank ND's ass in yet another bowl game it doesn't deserve. I'm hoping for Ohio State myself. Watching A.J. Hawk knock the stuffing out of Brady Quinn would be fun."

That would be a fun game to watch.

Just Because Everyone Else Is Doing It Doesn't Mean You Should.

E. McPan, my normally good buddy, has tagged me for a meme. I hate tags. I hate chain letters. I'm a man full of hate. Let's just get used to that.

However I shall be nice (for once) and comply with the tag. I shall be mean in who I tag next though. Karmic balance must be maintained.

1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.

"CHAMPIONS do not follow the convenient or easy way simply because it is the convenient or easy way."

I wasn't happy that day was I? You know I STILL get bills for that hospital visit. Our health care system is so screwed up.

My tagging victims are

Stag
Robin
Disoriented Express (pure mindlessness S you might enjoy)
The Disclaimer (at least you'll be forced to post something LOL)
Senor Pez

The Great Tatter Experiment

With the Thanksgiving Extravaganza coming soon I decided to make mashed potatoes again. I hoped to make something up, but mashed potatoes are always in demand. Normally I simply used a large box of potato flakes to make the dish, but this year I wanted to make real mashed potatoes.

I later found out that everyone thought my old mashed potatoes sucked. Just because everyone finally has a job and some money suddenly we want quality?!?! Lucky for them I wanted to make quality this year.

Here's the problem: how do I make a large batch of homemade actual mashed potatoes? Normally I bake a potato and if I mash it on the plate I have my mashed potatoes. Luckily you just cut up some potatoes, boil them, drain, add some milk and butter, then mash them! Add whatever spices you want at the same time. Simple in concept, but you still need to practice.

The keys are a limited supply of milk and plenty of garlic. I had garlic salt, garlic & herbs (no salt), and minced garlic. No such thing as too much garlic IMHO. After a few days I have it figured out for 3 potatoes. Now I just need to figure it out for a 5lb bag or maybe two 5lb bags. I shall master the homemade mashed potato. I shall not have leftovers this Thanksgiving Extravaganza.

Who wants to make the gravy?

Things That Are So Wrong

My neighbor has her Christmas lights out. I'm pretty sure she got them out after Halloween, but I'm not positive.

Look, the rule is the Christmas holiday season starts the day after Thanksgiving. Most of November is reserved for Thanksgiving, while late November to December is for Christmas. October is for Halloween. You all got that!

Christmas loses it's meaning when it lasts for more than a month.

Sallie Mae Likes Me. She Really Likes Me.

*from a letter I received today*

Dear Brian,

We're in the process of consolidating your student loans, the current interest, all future interest, your firstborn child, your soul, and the next 30 to 145 years of your life. At least you consolidated before interest rates went up. Repayment begins soon and you may cry when the payment book arrives.

Hopefully the amount of debt you just racked up will buy more than most third world countries debt even though both are equivalent in size.

Have a happy day and career.

Sincerely,

Sallie Mae

PS: Alan Greenspan thanks you for your support.

Testostorama: Not Quite There Yet

The Holy Land of Manliness was the unspoken theme for Testostorama. This was the first year for the expo so it isn't perfect. I experienced many thoughts of "Oh that is so cool" and "Eh, I'm so underwhelmed." Testostorama had many cool things: cars, a camper trailer, boats, golf supplies, food, entertainment systems, motorcycles, bicycles, sky diving, scuba diving, basketball, and other assorted whatnot.

My biggest problem was too many things were purely on the wishlist level. Even if I had a real job I still wouldn't be able to afford most of the items on display. A 40' racing boat is expensive! $50,000 for a 20' runabout cruiser. Harley-Davidsons are very nice, but ordinary people can't really afford them anymore.

Things I would change for next year: try to have every display staffed at all times, including Sunday. As a vendor just pay the overtime to get someone out to the fairgrounds. Cars and boats are very large and take up lots of space. Perhaps tone down the auto displays a bit to get different things in. Perhaps bringing in aftermarket vendors for cars would for all the men who have project cars to work on. Bring in more outdoorsy stuff such as camping and hunting supplies. Some high end computer equipment would fit in I believe.

I did like the bars and TVs everywhere. I wasn't far from the Colts-Texans game on flat screen or High-Def TVs. I even snagged some free pizza. The most humorous item I found was a small, teardrop camper that I thought was cute. I realize "cute" isn't the best word to describe anything at Testostorama, but the Mellow Yellow accents on this little camper was cute. Definitely a bit minimalist (a portapotty, no black water tanks in this little baby) and the highest point on the inside was only 5'9" requiring me to tilt my head, but this camper was pretty impressive for the price. A dry weight of 1,453 lbs makes me wonder what the tow rating on the Mighty Green Ranger is. I know I could use a real vacation.

I challenge anyone to get more than 7 seconds on the mechanical bull. The saddle is a hard slippery plastic that doesn't allow any grip at all. No man or woman I saw lasted more than 7 seconds on that beast and it wasn't even violently swinging at that point. You just slipped off to the side.

In the spring does anyone want to go skydiving with me? You get an all day lesson then jump out of a perfectly good airplane with the assistance of two instructors.

I give the first year effort a solid B. Hopefully Testostorama will be back bigger and better for next year. Something needs to counterbalance the Flower and Patio show.

Sorry Robin But One Of Us Is Going Down!

Purdue v. Illinois at noon Saturday.

Somebody has to win this game to avoid being the bottom of the Big 10.

So Dinner Was Interesting.

I finally meet a fellow blogger who wasn't school related. LawGeekGurl is as fabulous in person as she is online. I'm glad you were in town for a day or two LGG. Good luck on smiting the liar.

Anyway if you're going to have a good dinner somewhere the Rathskeller is always a fabulous place to go. Good beer and good food, what more do you want? I simply wish our meal didn't have so many hiccups. I was running late due to traffic (but I called to let LGG know that). I tripped on the table leg and managed to knock over her not quite finished beer. Luckily it fell into a drain on the wall. The Reichschancellor was even there.

However on my personal Wall of Weird, nothing can top the good night kiss. No, LawGeekGurl didn't kiss me, though she is single and hot gentlemen so if you're interested give her a call. No, I get kissed by the Reichschancellor's boss while having a nice conversation with LGG. I'm betting alcohol and/or a bet was involved.

I'm not certain I can tell the entire story, but shock and awe was involved. This ranks up there with falling into an ocean. Some people believe I lie or exaggerate when telling some stories. Oh no, the weird stuff in my life actually does happen.

I think I'm a weird magnet.

Home Improvement

In the best Tim Allen tradition I purchased a gadget to make my life easier. It goes on the end of your garden hose to blast the leaves out of your gutter. Given the fact I can't recall the last time I cleaned the gutters around here I figured it was a good idea to. The only thing the water blaster did was get me incredibly wet.

So I get a plastic scooper to clean out the gutters the old fashioned way. I just dredge the leaves and decomposing junk onto the patio. Yeah it's been a few years since they've been cleaned. I use the power wand thing to rinse out the mud. I'm proud of the job and figure I'll rake the debris off the patio today when I get home from work.

I get home today and the gutters are completely full of new leaves. So is the patio. Sigh.

I Wouldn't Mind So Much As Long As They Got It Right

I don't know which is worse.
1. Finding a note left on "my" desk after class by a disgruntled student saying "your gay" because I made them mad by attempting to get them to do their assignment.
2. The fact the note isn't grammatically correct in the first place.

Before I Forget...

Despite what *cough* some people *cough* say, NOTHING is wrong with Lauren Holly's hair.

That is all.

Awesome Song & Video!

Since I don't feel like coming up with something creative I'm tapping into the Vast Archieve of Blogging Drafts.

The quiz is a tad lame because I think the person who wrote it doesn't understand the English language. Muddle your way though and see what you get. This is my favorite song of 2003 though.

you are "bring me to life" by
Evanescence...
dynsrc="http://www.boomspeed.com/starlight/bringmetolife.mid">



What Song Are You? MUSIC/VIDEOS, PICS, 10 RESULTS!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

Are You SERIOUSLY Asking Me This Question?

"There's no such thing as a stupid question."

I understand the sentiment of the quote. It encourages you to ask questions to better understand something. However, I strongly disagree with the statement. YES there IS such a thing as a stupid question.

My parents love me. They only want what is best for me, but tonight Dad asked a stupid question.

Dad, "Have you heard back from any of those resumes you sent out?"
Me, "Nope." (very matter of factly)
Dad, "Well how come you haven't heard back from them yet?"

My mind is in gear to figure out a way to point out that is a stupid question without being disrespectful to my father.

Me, "You're asking the wrong person that question."

Seriously what was my father thinking? Does he believe all lawyers have a gossip network that I'm tied into? Does he believe my mental powers have expanded to include telepathy or being omniscient?

Here's the answer to the question: I don't know. A thousand reasons could exist for that answer. They saw my resume and tossed it to the circular file. They want to start interviews, but the Human Resources person is on vacation. They're just plain taking their sweet time. Perhaps the reason is some other option I haven't mentioned.

Does anyone thing I truly enjoy being the highest educated substitute teacher in the state?

Screw it I'm going to bed. At least the Colts are up 21-7 over the Patriots at halftime.

Testostorama!

*giant American flag on the wall behind me as herald trumpets play*

Men. Our time has finally arrived. We finally have a show to make up for all the times your mother drug your sorry butt to the Flower and Patio Show. This upcoming weekend from the 11th to the 13th will be an expo to celebrate the things that make us men: Testostorama!

"If men want it, Testostorama will have it." Motorcycles, power tools, billard tables, grills, William "The Fridge" Perry, musical instruments, cars, hunting supplies, casino information, cigars, sports, boats, big screen TVs, all that is holy among men!!!!!!

If I'm not teaching on Friday I'm heading to the promised land.

Napster

My mother was the one who thought up the name for this pic. Who knew Mom could be hip every now and then? Eh, she probably doesn't even know what an online music service is in the first place.

But hey you got a cool doggie pic so what more do you want?

Confessions Poll: Who Won The West Wing Debate?

EDITED BELOW WITH NEW MATERIAL:

This poll is limited to those who wanted the live debate between Congressman Matt Santos (Jimmy Smits) - Democrat and Senator Arnold Vinick (Alan Alda) - Republican on tonight's The West Wing.

I think both flubbed it up in several areas and both were right on target with a few of the issues.

If this is the last season it's been a good one.

EDIT:
The more I think about it, the more I realize if you just combined some of the positions presented you might have some decent solutions to real world problems.

To solve a very complicated illegal immigration problem could you not have increased border patrols, policies to help Mexico and Central American grow their economies to keep their citizens at home, and some type of 'Guest Worker' visa status to help bring illegals into the light a bit?

Alan Alda's character was completely correct with respect to African nations. Our aid to their nations helps with a short term problem, but it'll never allow for economic independence. Of course the economic independence will never occur until stable political structures exist in many of those countries. That point didn't make the The West Wing's script. My question is what policies are required to encourage stable, pro-democratic, pro-human rights, pro-economic growth governments in Africa (or anywhere else for that matter)?

The ammo control position held by Congressman Santos is so far off the mark I don't believe I can intelligently respond to it. Where's Denny Crane when I need him?

Does the Head Start Program fail after a few years? Was the statement by Vinick correct? After a few years do children in Head Start lose the advantage? Vinick is correct in stating not everyone is meant for college. That isn't elitist. That's the truth. A high school education is "an exam of minimal competence" to borrow a phrase I use often. A high school graduate should be able to function in our society. Naturally you need more than a high school diploma to do well, but college isn't the answer for everyone. Why design a system that forces people to go to college when they can't handle it? Promote the idea of trade schools, associates degrees, paralegal schools, the armed services, etc. There is nothing wrong with blue collar jobs, but the workers will need to adapt to changing conditions in their fields. We need to promote the understanding that learning is a live long endeavors now. Santos is correct with the 50 state laboratories idea on education: Every graduate should be able to do X. You all can figure out how you want to achieve that goal.

Sad to say we as voters tend to get the candidates we deserve.

Tailgating Chili Recipe

I'm going to try this out tomorrow and see if it is any good. I need one good thing to occur before we figure out a way to lose yet again. Bowl games, what's a bowl game?

1. Two lbs of ground turkey. Normally ground beef is good, but I want to use up this frozen turkey I've had for some time now. Besides the turkey is healthier right? Cook it tonight so I don't have to mess with it in the morning.
2. One tomato cut up. Never tried this part before.
3. One onion cut up.
4. Two 15 oz. cans of beans.
5. Taco sauce.
6. Some tobassco sauce.
7. One packet of chili seasoning powder.

What do you think?

Church Says Science Isn't Heresy!

With apologies to Galileo, a cardinal who heads the Pontifical Council for Culture in Rome stated, "the faithful should listen to what secular modern science has to offer, warning that religion risks turning into "fundamentalism" if it ignores scientific reason."

Cardinal Poupard wants all disciplines to listen to each other. He reasons theology can learn much from natural science as natural science can learn much from theology. "We know where scientific reason can end up by itself: the atomic bomb and the possibility of cloning human beings are fruit of a reason that wants to free itself from every ethical or religious link[.]"

Wow, can someone show this article to Intelligent Design proponents?

How Much For The House Without The Wife?

$600,000 for a 1910 bungalow in Denver. I know it's all about location, location, location, but would the cost be less if you divorced her from the housing deal before you married her? I'm not in the market anyway as you have to be 40 to 60 years old. I'm old, but not that old.

So far she's had 60 responses. Luv...twue luv..

Give A "Hell Yeah" To...

my good buddy E. McPan for passing her bar exam. I knew you would.

PS: send her some beer for the party.
PPS: ROAD TRIP!!!

I'm Going To Need Some John Wayne Movies!

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

And He Was Such A Good Boy Before The Incident.

I haven't had a good teaching story lately. Yesterday they warned me the children would be amped up on Halloween sugar and little hellions. Instead of going to the school I'm at most of the time (and I become almost a regular teacher with them) I get sent somewhere they don't really know me as I've only been there twice. Subs are nothing but a big target.

Not only that, but they were 8th graders. Every grade is a unique critter. 6th graders are energetic, but impossible to keep on task. 8th graders are rebellious and want to stick it to the man. 7th graders are a mixture of the two. 8th graders act worse than 3rd graders in many ways. They talk, won't sit still, won't stay in their seats, they absolutely don't care about the assignment, they ask stupid questions knowing full well what the answer is. They do it just to be a smartass.

The day teachers weren't allowed to use corporal punishment is the day America went to hell. I think I'm on the 6th level today. Let me explain it to the touchy-feely types: children get stuck on stupid all the time sometimes. Children don't know consequences exist. Getting my fingers whacked with a ruler reminded me of consequences. The pain from my knuckle cleared up my brain of those stupid thoughts. It was such a simple system back then. Those touchy-feely types will counter that children shouldn't live in fear and that hitting them is disrespectful. One: fear can be an excellent motivator and attitude adjuster. Two: by performing the actions that bring disrespect you learn the actions that promote respect. You always learn both sides of the coin. Besides I'm talking about a limited, proportional response not the wholesale slaughter of an entire class except for today.

Anyway two kids decided to resolve their argument the old fashioned way: by beating the crap out each other. One class is leaving as another is entering and greetings of hostility seem normal these days. I'm filling out the paperwork saying one kid did fine in my class just as he throws a punch. Now I'm trying to get between two 8th graders throwing punches as thirty kids want to watch, and I'm trying to get help at the same time. Do you remember that school fights don't end when one walks away? Oh no, out in the hallway was round 2! I'm trying to figure out how to get both into another classroom with a teacher when I lose one of them.

The difference between fights now and when we were in school is they're treated more seriously now. The sheriff had my lost one on concrete by the entrance as I'm trying to draw the blinds shut so my next class doesn't watch.

Since so many parents have abandoned their parental duties they shouldn't complain if I'm forced to shove my loafer up a kid's butt to prevent even bigger problems. I'm sorry sir/madam that you've elected to have no rules in your house, but a classroom has rules and your child learned the hard way that rules shouldn't be broken when I adjusted his attitude for him.

The last time I got involved in a fight the 13 year old was as physically large as me as I'm making sure the orchestra teacher wasn't flattened by accident. I'm a temporary teacher, not a drill instructor trained in unarmed combat. I need a real job soon please.

The Wisdom Of Denny Crane

"Edward R. Murrow is media and dead. And dead don't count!"

All lawyers should learn from Denny Crane.

EDIT:

Alan Shore: "Do you think the army would let two pink flamingos join?"
Denny Crane: "Don't ask, don't tell."

HA!