The Evil Halloween Candyhound.

As a favor I was supposed to help mow the parents' back yard and leaves. Being stuck in rush hour traffic killed that plan, but I was given other duties. My new job was to help give out Halloween candy to the monsters, superheros, and ghosts that came by.

The fuzzy MacGyver hates the doorbell. He also hates the UPS delivery man, a few uncles, and cats so I wondered how he would handle little monsters. They're not too big so I think he believes he could take them if he had to, but he noticed the candy being handed to them. Candy always has MacGyver's attention so he decided to slip through the door before it closed and follow the creatures with all this new candy down the driveway.

Stupid fur-covered brain with a big nose! At least he made it only 15 feet.

Happy Halloween!

May your costumes be cool and black cats cross your enemies paths.

Quest For Hot Water!

I think the cavemen wanting fire had an easier time with their quest. I haven't had hot water since early September. I haven't complained much because you have people in hurricane regions with no homes, or their homes survived but they don't have electricity, water, gasoline, etc. It put things in perspective. Besides the water wasn't cold, simply tepid. The low powered heating element still worked fine.

So began two months of adjustments. If I wanted hot water for the dishes I simply boiled a few pots worth. I got used to cold showers or simply using a washcloths to clean myself (it works in most parts of the world). If I didn't use any hot water at all, then every 3 days I could get a decent shower. I got hot showers at the gym or at friend's home after I helped with yard work. Yes you can exist without hot water.

I should clarify my living situation. The condo used to be my grandmother's. When she moved to the assisted living home I moved in to be a caretaker of her stuff. One aspect of the deal was I took care of this place so there is no maintenance person on-call and no landlord to complain to if something breaks. That's my job. On the plus side I get to redecorate so I get some of the joys of home ownership: new wood and tile floors, new paint colors, redo the kitchen and bath. All the improvements stopped when I went back to school. I've literally had a few problems lasting a few years simply because until I get a job I can't fix them: a water leak from the upstairs bathroom, a patio that needs some reworking, and I have to replace the shed and fence soon (a visible 10 degree lean isn't a good sign the structure will survive the winter).

Back to the recalitrant water heater, Dad and I decided to simply replace the faulty heating element. Little did we know this would be such an adventure.

Sunday October 23, The Simple Plan:
Electric water heaters usually have two heating elements: one near the top, one near the bottom. The bad element was near the top meaning we only had to drain half the tank. Lucky us as the silty goo and water that came out wasn't nice to look at. The tank is at least 10 years old so we weren't surprised at what was coming out.

One trip to Lowes and we came back with a replacement element and special wrench. Of course you always need a special wench for projects like this. Welcome to home ownership if you're not aware of this. The wrench is actually a special pipe about 6 inches long. One end of the pipe is hexagonally shaped. This end fits over the element which is hexagonally shaped. You see how that works? The other end is circular and has two holes through which you place a screwdriver. You actually use the screwdriver as a lever to twist the pipe/wrench. Simple in theory.

Mom and the dog were our cheerleaders as we tried this out. Okay the dog slept unless he spotted a roaming cat. The plan failed due to bad engineering on the part of the manufacturer: the hexagonal part of the heating element sticks out only a quarter-inch. There wasn't enough surface area for the wrench to grip, much less allow us to twist. Penetrating oil didn't help either. Don't tell me we'll need to replace a $20 part with an entire new water heater? On second thought this might be crafty engineering!

Since the heater won't cooperate we decide to put in a dryer vent through the wall of the utility closet. I have to cut a round hole through the wall above the heater that has been mocking me for 2 hours. Cutting the interior hole was easy. Cutting the exterior hole in the cold drizzle was more difficult. Oh yeah my shoelace got stuck on the step ladder so I fell into the mud. By the end the dryer vent was installed, but I was cold, wet, muddy, covered with sticky insulation foam and still lacking a hot shower to clean myself off with. Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Wednesday October 26, The Simple Plan Version 2.0:
Tip for you to know: when a screw is stuck heat it and hit it to break the seal. Mom was cheerleader again as the dog chased off cats. Dad had the blowtorch going and heated the element. After a minute or two we used a hammer and chisel to ping the edges of the element. Once again the special $5 wrench slips off the element. A $20 part is resisting the efforts of an engineer and a lawyer-handyman. At this point I contemplate finding deer slugs for the 12 gauge and simply blast a hole into the element.

Time for a new plan.

Saturday October 29, Trash The Junker:
Alright we'll just get a new heater from Lowes. Theirs was the cheapest. I drain the heater, but 40 gallons is coming out slowly. Dad takes the drain valve off and shoves my screwdriver around to loosen up the sludge. The resulting grainy liquid scares me. The EPA might want to bring in a HAZMAT team on this one. Put the valve back on and reattach the garden hose to let the water onto my patio. Cut the two water pipes, unhook the electrical wire and lift the heater into my kitchen. OHMYGOD this thing is heavy! Is this thing made of cast iron? Mom keeps the patio door open and holds back the dog. Dad and I carry this thing outside as I'm yelling, "Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop!" since I don't have a good gripe on this oversized cylinder.

Mom fixes lunch as dad and I hit Lowes. One water heater, two pipes, a few connectors, an insulating blanket, and a drip pan later we're back. I note the new heater is much lighter than the old one. How much sludge is in the old one and what is it made of? Two more trips to Lowes for different piping, different connectors, and some electrical conduit we finally have the damn thing installed. It's filled with water and we got the air out of the piping. Suddenly my dad doesn't think the damn thing is working. He says he doesn't hear anything. Okay my dad has typical older male notch hearing so the fact he doesn't hear anything doesn't provide me with any useful information. I note this is an electric heater and I've never heard the old one make noises either. He states the water isn't even tepid yet. Dude, we just filled up 40 gallons of cold water. It's going to take more than 5 minutes to heat up 40 gallons! I know gas is good, but it isn't that good.

After 8 hours the parents and cat-chasing dog leave. I'm piddling around for an hour then turn on the hot water faucet. For 20 seconds I'm wondering if the old man was correct then I feel true warmth coming from the water. This isn't tepid, but actual heat! I head to Champs for steak, beer, and football to celebrate. I have my first hot shower in 2 months when I return.

Sunday October 30, I've Been Slimed:
Everyone comes back to finish the job. The dog scares off the cats while Dad and I discuss how to install the insulting blanket. The blanket keeps more heat in the tank and in theory reduces how often it has to come on to heat your water. Just a tip to you homeowners out there to spend the $15 to get one. A little clear tape later with some cutting and taping of the blanket we have it installed. Move the dryer back in place and now we can clean up the trash and pack the tools. Heavy trash pickup doesn't exist here so I'll drive the tank to my parents house and use their heavy trash pickup.

Never mind my big toe as the tank is set down upon it. We slid it into the bed of the MGR and figure it isn't moving. Guess what, as I start and stop the tank moves. Even gently accelerating provokes a tremendous thud. I wonder if the tank will bust through my tailgate and crash onto the road.

At my parents' house they note the scaly, sludgy slime comes out the open pipes whenever the tank slams against my tailgate. I have a yellow ooze all over my tailgate. I've been slimed by buffalo if appearances are anything. You're supposed to drain your water tank every few months to avoid sediment buildup. I might do that with the new one to avoid the sludge problem. Have you ever drained your hot water heater? I didn't think so.

Okay Problem 17 is solved and I have hot water now. This To-Do List never ends.

GO OUTSIDE!!!

The fall colors are at their peak. Nice sunny day and fairly warm. Go outside and look at the pretty leaves. Before the football game of course. You gotta have the football game.

Round 3 For Hot H2O!

If you recall I haven't had hot water for 2 months now. I'll tell you about Rounds 1 & 2 in trying to fix the water heater later, but today is Round 3: outright replacement of the water heater. I have a bad feeling this will be far more difficult than my Dad and I anticipate. Actually I anticipate a disaster so what is worse than a disaster?

I'm So Insulted

You Are French Food

Snobby yet ubiquitous. People act like they understand you more than they actually do.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Come Get Your White Sheets, Hoods, & Secret Rituals.

Some believe Indiana is the upraised middle finger of the South. In the 1910s and '20s we were the national headquarters of the Klan. Looks like a piece of that history is on sale this Saturday in Lebanon. An estate sale of deceased antique collectors revealed a copyrighted 1918 version of the Kloran. "The Kloran, or White Book, describes in detail various Klan rituals with its contents not be divulged to non-Klan members."

I wasn't aware the rituals of the Klan required 54 pages. I thought their rituals were pretty simple.

1. Find blacks, Jews, or homosexuals.
2. Plant a large cross in their front yard and light on fire.
3. Scare them.
4. Optional: lynch them.

Shows you what I know I guess. Looks like the estate sale wants $350 for it.

"The Ku Klux Klan became a social and political force in Indiana following World War I and into the 1920s. The group consisted of native-born, white Protestants who were against Catholics, Jews, African-Americans, immorality and drinking."

The Klan was against immorality??? I guess they didn't consider intimidation and lynching to be immoral.

By the way, I don't recommend Klansman as a Halloween costume. Although seeing the black guy wearing it on campus is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. If ONLY I had a camera at the time.

The Indy X Files

Perfect for Halloween. We have our own resident Ghostbusters in town. Last month Proof Paranormal invited people to come with them to stay overnight in the haunted Hannah House. I wish I had done that. Sounds like fun. I particularly liked the part of the form that said they weren't responsible for serious injuries or death. Good lawyering involved in that waiver.

They even provide a list of typical equipment. Mostly normal audio/visual stuff like camcorders and cameras, but the infrared light and EMF detectors are specialized. I know what I want for Christmas now.

Thanks to another group, Indiana Ghost Trackers, twice a month you can spend overnights in Hannah House. Perhaps I should put sleeping bag on the Christmas list? Nice thing about the overnights is the money goes to save the historic house. Who wants to come with me for some good ghost stories?

"Slaying Buffy the vampire."

One of the best qualities Buffy The Vampire Slayer had was the ability to drop in pop culture references and rip on other shows and books. Tonight's Smallville returned the favor. Take one skinny attractive blonde girl as a sorority president, make her a vampire named Buffy Sanders. Throw in a few lines like the title above and you get a good poke back on BTVS.

It was funny if you're a fan of both shows.

The Culture Of Cubiness

Until this season I forgot Chicago had another baseball team than the Cubs. My friends were Cubs fans, when I had cable TV WGN always had Cubs games on, my one trip to Wrigley Field proved it is a big party in and around a decrepit concrete shell that just happens to have a baseball game played in it. Based on all my previous exposure I thought about 7 or 8 people actually cared about the White Sox. This is a common phenomena when a major city has TWO teams in the same sport. Personally I believe this shouldn't be allowed. Spread the sports love around is my philosophy.

Back to the point. I don't know many WhiSox fans, but those Southsiders sure are vocal. They like to remind the sports world, "Hey! There's more to Chicago than those damned Cubs who rely on their ill-formed reputation as losers!" I'm not a baseball fan because I didn't grow up exposed to the Nation's Pastime, but congrats to the Chicago White Sox for providing an excellent season and impressive playoffs. Personally I think they swept the Houston Astros 5-0 because Game 3 was so friggin' long it should count as two games! Maybe now the ghosts of 1917 can be swept away.

As for those lovable losers who have marketed their struggles to the Nth degree, shut up and start spending the money to get a winning team. You make so much coin from your rep as a crappy team that you're complacent to the all-mighty dollar. Give your Northside fans some love so I won't have to listen to them whine all the time please.

Since I Teach 8th Grade Math I Better Know It.

Robin, I'll tell you which one you missed if you send me your answers. As an aside, if you teach something differently than kids are used to they really complain about it. "I got x=3 and you got x=3 for the answer so how is what I'm doing wrong?" You can do the process in different ways kids!

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

That Great Sucking Sound

*trumpet clarion playing all around*

The day has finally arrived. The day that the world changes yet again. Civilization 4 is on sale this entire day. Fanatics likely snatched up the first copies at 4pm yesterday. Civilization was the reason I got into computers. A friend had it on his 286 and we stayed up nights to play it. I finished my homework and went to his dorm room to type in the DOS commands required to play Civ. I created worlds. I destroyed worlds. I traded with neighbors. I conquered neighbors. Sometimes the neighbors conquered me. I had enlightened ages with minimal conflict. I had ass kicking ages with minimal peace. Outside of the band lounge no one saw me for days.

CIV IS LIFE!

Sadly I haven't even played Civ III yet. I finally bought a copy during the summer but promised myself I wouldn't open it while studying for the bar exam. Now Civ 4 is out and my computer isn't powerful enough to play it! ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!! One day I will upgrade my electronic hardware and disappear from all sight. Life will be very good on that day.

Ohhhhhh I'm Not Ash!!!

Strangely enough we were talking about renting Big Trouble In Little China the other day. Swiped shamelessly from LawGeek Gurl.

The Pork Chop Express.


Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Speaking of Ash, my DVD player refuses to play any of my Bruce Campbell DVDs. Reason enough to get a new player. Okay it doesn't play Batman Begins or half of my DVD collection too, but no cheesy dialogue with a never reloading boomstick makes Brian cranky.

Way Too Chili For Me

After destroying a friend's front yard with shovels, chain saws, and a 4x4 Toyota we had chili. After being thwarted by a water heater and destroying a sidewall we had chili.
After going to a vegetarian Indian place where their dish is nothing but beans and a tomato based mix of some kind like chili, I thought how much like meatless chili it was.

I think I've fulfilled my fiber quotient for the week now.

My Inner Child

I have to partially disagree with this. Those who know me know just how jaded and cynical I can really be! I admit to being easily amused though. I wish more people were so.

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

I Guess It's Official

So cold to see the truth. Personally I thought my words and ideas were worth at least something, but I guess not. How do they even measure this?

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

Your Halloween Costume

*BUMP*

It's getting near my favorite holiday: Halloween.
I deem this audience participation day! I want everyone who visits to answer the question: What would you dress up as?

EDIT: Come on folks! I want some creative answers. Do you not like Halloween?

Football Blues

My pool was 3 out of 11 this week. Two weeks ago I was 2 out of 11 with 3 losses by friggin' field goals! Last week was 4 out of 11, and now I'm spiraling towards sub-mediocrity again.

Purdue looked pretty decent in their loss to Wisconsin. The defense showed signs of life. It was nice to see the ball get spread around on offense a bit too. Actually it was spread around too much with 2 interceptions returned for touchdowns. Starting a new QB was overall a good idea. Painter has a cannon for an arm and knows when to run. The option actually worked under him. Sadly he mad a few rookie mistakes like the 2 interceptions. The Boilers have to win out to even be bowl eligible. Let's accept this should be a rebuilding season and start the sophomore QB to get some experience for next year. I think Kirsch makes a good backup QB, but unless he really shines in practice he's had his chance already as the starter this season and didn't do well.

Thank God I have to Colts still. Go Peyton and kick the winless Houston Texans to the curb.

My Candy Is...

Butterfinger

They call you sticky fingers for a reason!

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Searching For Me.

Once again I'm checking the logs to see how people get here.
The vast majority are finding google caches of my former spokeswomen. Okay I'm not happy with the fact google does that. Throw out those 90 visits and I probably get 5 readers a day.

However I'm on some interesting search lists:
"mistress of pain and disipline" from Ireland. Oh for you spelling Nazis it is their spelling, not mine.
"honey luv"
"motorcycle gang killings, rosslyn drive, cincinnati" from Ohio.
"danica patrick honda commercial" Okay that one makes sense to me actually.
"ballerina costumes in Indiana"

I'm Just Not Feeling Like A Super Lawyer Yet

First, hi to Karen the Miss New Commenter. I actually got to see you from about 50 feet as you said your name. I actually thought you were someone else from 50 feet. Happy accident? Sometimes I wonder if the people commenting actually exist or if I've gone multiple personality disorder again.

By the way, couldn't someone given us a quick overview of how the ceremony was scheduled? We get out of a very cramped hallway and I see people having to tell their name to the audience. I kept trying to make sure my throat was clear before I got in front of the mic.

I'm guessing I'll start feeling like a lawyer when I start performing legal work. I may have to sue someone. Perhaps I need discovery requests to bounce off my chest as I leap over tall courthouses. Disarm frivolous lawsuits with my super legal sense.

Oh yeah, isn't it amazing how fast company websites change? You hit some firm websites and suddenly I see quite a few of my former classmates listed. Good job folks.

I could write down profound thoughts, but I just don't feel like taking the time to type them.

Photograph

Nickleback
All The Right Reasons (2005)

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?

This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out

This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin’ out
They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when

I miss that townI miss their faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

I Wanna Rock!

You Are a Punk Rocker!

When it comes to rock, you don't follow any rules You know that rocking out is all about taking down the man You've got an incredible stage presence and rock persona You scare moms, make bad girls (or boys) swoon, and live life on the edge!

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Oath Of Attorney

The swearing in ceremony is tomorrow morning. Why does it feel so underwhelming? Perhaps because it is the last formal bit of a very long journey. I'm not discounting the significance of taking the oath. It seems to me as if other events and milestones truly measured the heavy lifting of the entire legal experience. Perhaps I'll me more jazzed up tomorrow morning. Good night folks.

Post Homecoming Blues

Either I got better in the presence of others or everyone else was as bad as me. It was good to spend some time with friends, but sad to not spend much time with others. Also sad that many people I would love to see didn't even show up.

Aside from a bruise on my ribs and arm I feel fine. They gave me a 3 valve horn this year instead of a heavier 4 valve. 10 lbs makes a difference, trust me. I wish they had extra bits as one wasn't enough and it didn't even fit in the shank correctly. Even with the shoelaces the damn thing kept falling apart. Even after three different arrangements with the shoelace it just wouldn't stay in one piece.

I need to explain run-in. Per tradition, the alumni band will run into the Hall of Music. Two people hold the doors open, we run in and go down the stairs while the percussion beats a cadence. This is somewhat dangerous. If you trip and fall you have a few hundred people behind you. You can opt out. The building is very long, but with narrow halls so you just keep running and sidestep into rooms or maybe even the lobby on the opposite side of the building. It is a tight fit. Have I mentioned that tubas occupy a lot of space? Tubas are the last section to do run-in (the percussion stays outside and does breakdown). The reason we are last should be obvious. If something goes wrong with us it goes really wrong.

I swung my bell down to clear the door, then had to do a quick S-curve to get to the stairs and SOME DUMB WOMAN WAS WALKING UP THE STAIRS! I swung the bell up and forward to try to avoid decapitating the idiot (I'm not exaggerating here. With 35lbs of heavy metal going downhill at a fast jog I will inflict serious injury because I can easily knock someone over the handrails.) Personally I didn't care too much about her safety as I feel if you do something stupid it is your own fault, but I HAD 15 TUBAS BEHIND ME AND I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE! I've never been scared during a run-in until that one moment.

Overall it was a great weekend. A shame the game stunk. How does a potential call go from being either a touchdown or feet touched the sideline at the 1 yard line to a touchback for Northwestern? How does an accurate field goal kicker keep missing the uprights and sending the ball into the band? How does a defense continue to allow game winning drives against it at the last minute? Time to put in the sophomore backup QB and accept this will be a rebuilding year. I still don't know what to do about the defense.

Off To Battle Swagger I Go.

Replacement flip folder to replace the broken one from college. Check.
Transferred sufficient pages to new flip folder. Check.
Valve oil. Check.
Mouthpiece. Check.
Shoestring to tie mouthpiece to the bits and bracing. Check.
Shoestring to tie flip folder to my wrist to avoid dropping. I can't find a spare shoelace so screw it.
Camera and film. Check.
White shirt, black pants, black socks, black shoes for uniform. Check.
Pillow, blanket, and air mattress for the floor. Check.
Cash for hanging out at the bar a bit this afternoon. Check.

Off to Homecoming I go. Let's beat Northwestern please!

So Instead Of Going Blond Again...

Your Hair Should Be White

Classy, stylish, and eloquent. You've got a way about you that floors everyone you meet.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Job Hunting Makes You Paranoid.

I swear I'm turning into the nervous nelly that I normally mock. So many situations that people worry about I'm convinced they don't need to truly worry about. It's just nervousness and people tend to focus on how bad things can go instead of how well things can go.

Of course now I'm the one that is nervous.

I've sent out several resumes today. Yeah me! I triple checked the spelling of my cover letters. I read out loud the cover letter because sometimes when you say it you catch something that doesn't occur when you just read it. The issue becomes method of delivery.

Some potential employers provide an email address only. Obviously I'm going to email my resume as a Word doc and my "cover letter" is the email. Some potential employees provide a physical U.S. mailing address. Obviously I have to go old school and print out my cover letter and resume on two pieces of paper and use a fancy envelope to mail it in. While slightly more time consuming and requiring me to get resume quality paper for my printer that isn't a big problem. I should have a batch of resume paper with corresponding envelopes anyway since I'm on the job hunt.

The annoying situation which gets my paranoid fibers going is when you can email, fax, or mail it. For a business letter you have the block addresses at the top, the enclosure at the bottom, and the entire business letter format that Microsoft was nice enough to include as a template in MS Word. What happens if you're going to email your 'cover letter' though? Is it proper business etiquette to have the block addresses at the top and the three line gap between "Thank you" and your name? You don't need the gap because you physically can't sign the email. What happens when the specific ad says "submit a cover letter and resume" and the general Human Resources webpage has "you may do so via U.S. Mail, fax or by email" language? Paranoia is a terrible thing.

I believe this to be the best course of action. As a human being I'm going to be nervous no matter what. The true questions are how nervous will I be and will I let such nervousness dominate my thinking? When given the option and if time isn't an issue I prefer physical letters in the mail. Something about resume quality paper is unmatched in an email though it may be identical in content. However I had a deadline and I was concerned about the USPS getting my letter to the employer before the deadline. Email's best attribute is speed of deliver. When the email is printed off it will have the style of a business letter, including those address blocks at the top. That was the best compromise I figured.

Can you cross your fingers for me? I need some good vibes sent my way. Thanks in advance.

Who You Gonna Call?

After Vatican students take the exorcism class, do they get nuclear powered proton packs?

Homecoming Wishes

I want to beat Northwestern. I want to sound semi-decent as I play. I want to march decently (this is the easy part actually). I don't want my body to ache for 2 days afterward (this will be difficult if I pick the 40lb horn). I want to see old friends. I hope to have dinner with a brunette. I might have dinner with a redhead. I want USC to trash the Irish (just because). I hope I can find a flip folder as my old one finally disintegrated. I wish Bill will keep a good tempo.

That'll be good enough for now.

Top Of The Food Chain!

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Eagle Animal You Were in a Past Life: Whale You are active, a challenger, and optimistic. Hard-working, you are always working towards a set goal.

The Animal Personality Test

That 90/10 Split

I'm feeling 90% lately. I just want that extra 10%! Stupid leftover junk in my lungs. I helped teach the little girl that I KNOW infected me. She still likes me *shudder*. Since I didn't need to read to her she couldn't clamp down on me this time.

Who would have thought that learning/disabled children are some of the easiest kids to teach. I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with an epileptic seizure. When given instructions such as get the kid on the left side and run this magnet over his body to activate some implanted widget I wonder what I've gotten myself into. The fact that a hospital downtown can remotely activate a widget to shock a child is somewhat disturbing to me. It was also disturbing to see the child suddenly go "BUZZ!"

Kind of cool to know I've been around this one middle school so much the kids call me by name in the hallways.

Someone Finally Got Rid Of Paris Hilton...Sorta

I wish I could say the canceling of the unreality series, The Simple Life, was due to our society (or the tv watching part of it) realizing the antics of a clueless, ditzy celebudante was not entertainment. No, the reality is the two leads just can't stand each other. At least Nicole Ritchie and Fox got rid of Paris. I can only hope 280 million others will get rid of her too.

Put Some Of These Ideas Into The Building Codes!

Energy costs are going up so can we tighten up the energy requirements of new construction? Looks like these students demonstrated some ways that can be done.

50-70% more for natural gas, 30% more for electricity, and who knows how much for heating oil. Gonna be a tough winter for all.

This Is NOT Proper Customer Service.

Dear State Board of Grand Poohbas,

I appreciate your effort to let us, the bar takers, know if we passed on Friday August 30th. However afterwards something went horribly wrong. Please follow the timeline I'm about to describe and see for yourselves.

Saturday October 8: my mailbox received instructions on the swearing in ceremony and several forms for the Nothern and Southern Districts of this fine state in relation to the federal judiciary.

Sunday October 9: I arrive home and discover the before mentioned materials in my mailbox. I'm happy to discover the date, time, and location of the swearing in ceremony. I'm happy to learn the first year of practicing law in the state courts is free, and I will get my first bill next August. However I was most disappointed in the fact I owe two (2) $160 checks to the two federal districts in this state. Could someone have warned us about that ahead of time? Not everyone has a job yet so $320 is a bit of money to suddenly come up with. Oh by the way, the forms and checks are due Tuesday October 11th. This will be a problem in a minute.

Monday October 10: Columbus Day. Please note no mail and no federal court is open that day. I called just to make sure and was in a voicemail hell. I filled out the paperwork and wrote the checks ahead of time.

Tuesday October 11: this is the first day the courthouses are open and the mail runs. I'm not concerned about the Southern District courthouse as it is a 15 minute drive for me to reach. The Northern District courthouse is almost 3 hours away in South Bend. Luckily I cancelled my availability for a job (that thing that provides money) to take care of this situation. I called South Bend and the clerk was very understanding. She knew the forms hadn't arrived until Saturday. Actually I know some people don't even have them as of Monday.

Luckily the clerk had two suggestions: 1) overnight mail the forms and checks to her or 2) leave a correct spelling of my name so my certificate can be printed, then take the forms and check with me to the swearing in ceremony next week.

I thanked the clerk for her time and decided on the first option as I didn't want to deal with extra stuff on the day of my swearing in. Besides I already had the day off and had to go downtown to drop off the material to the other courthouse. Adding a trip to the post office would be minimal effort.

I did the above things and this situation is resolved now. However, why the worry on my part? In previous jobs I've dealt with numerous mail mailings. We found that putting the stuff in envelopes ahead of time since the contents were always the same worked great. Then we used a list created in Microsoft Word to print out names and addresses on Avery labels. We simply slapped the preprinted labels on the envelopes and mailed them out.

It appears you did something similar so I'm at a loss to explain the delay. Nothing in the paperwork had my name on it so the content of every envelope was generic and identical. Perhaps materials didn't get to you on time. Perhaps someone was sick. Still the timing simply didn't work and now numerous people are worried about doing something wrong or something being messed up on their end. If it is a manpower issue, please give some people on the list a call. We'll be happy to help out for a nominal fee.

I also feel sorry for the clerks. They will be getting a lot of phone calls today. Having been under siege to incoming calls I feel their pain. I hope this was a one time mix-up as the alternative would concern me.

Thanks,
WannabeLawyer

Lost Skills

I have alumni band this weekend. I pulled the old horn out last week to practice a bit. I'm terrible now. I can't always complete a Bb scale. I can't hit certain notes at all on the first try. Dropping the jaw or getting the lips to vibrate properly is a pain. I fear how my lips would reacted if I had played something small like a trumpet.

Music is a skill that must be practiced. I figured high notes or low notes would be a problem. Those are easy. The common ordinary midrange notes like C and D (with appropriate flats or sharps) are the painful notes. Useless air blowing through the horn.

My articulation is completely gone. Trying to get through a string of dotted quarter notes with eighth note followers is impossible. To read the music is a haze in some cases. How does this go again I keep hearing in my mind. I feel like I'm back in 7th grade. For 10 years music was almost my life. My playing was as masterful as you could get without having the raw talent required for a music major. Now the notes aren't even a pathetic shadow of themselves. How can something that was so important for so long be not in my life at all anymore?

I keep saying I want to return to my music. Join a community band to get back into the scene a bit. That's why I bought this hunk of dented weighty brass...oh what, six or seven years ago I guess. When I had to work nights joining a band was out of the question. I never felt like I had the time in school. I often question that assumption. When I made the time to do something during a weeknight that had nothing to do with textbooks or projects I found I was my happiest. Perhaps if I had played a bit those three years wouldn't have been so bad.

I miss my old friend. Perhaps once things settle down and become stable I'll finally go back and enjoy the music. My shoulder is going to kill me this weekend. I'm not looking forward to that either.

No More Advanced Degrees Please. One Is Enough.

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas. Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

One Small Good Thing At Least

I'll paraphrase a little bit here.

Dear JobHunter,

Congrats on passing the bar. I have forwarded your resume to gods on Mt. Olympus and await their response. Should I receive signficant feedback I'll get in touch with you.

Thank you,
HR Gatekeeper to the Gods of Mt. Olympus

I'll send out a few more resumes tomorrow if I get back at a decent hour. I might be going on a road trip.

The Leaves Are Starting To Change

Better to burn out than to fade away!

You Are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Did these folks know I'm suffering from bronchitis at the moment?

Two Out Of Eleven!

I'm going to hang my head in shame concerning my picks for Saturday. 2 out of friggin' 11! I had 3 losses by a field goal. Yeah this will hurt me pretty bad in the standings.

The A.O.D.

I don't know what is wrong with this team. The personnel aren't playing to their level. Injuries in key positions are starting to mount. The offensive coordinator has become lost in play calling amid all his Burger King wrappers. The defense couldn't stop a drunken dog while the offense has no idea how to sustain a drive.

We lost to an underperforming Iowa that suddenly looked like a Top 10 team.

Three losses in a row. Two games were the opposition got over 500 yards in offense. Something drastic must be done: I'm thinking human sacrifice.

Until the defense learns to tackle nothing can be done. Players are already cycling into the defense due to injuries. The offense needs to keep the ball, score touchdowns, and pray they have more bullets than the other guys. I have a plan. First Rocket Scientist creates a device that can intercept and broadcast telepathic waves from the key decision makers: offensive coordinator and QB. This device allows the audience to tap into the thoughts of the OC and QB. By 'audience' I mean myself and a few select friends.

EXAMPLE: OC calls an option right. We intercept the bad play and intervene. BUZZ!!! Negative WhopperBoy go five wide!

Of course we need a QB that can throw to someone not named Dorian Bryant. Perhaps if we put #9 jerseys on all the receivers Kirsch would spread the ball around. Kirsch locks onto one receiver or at best locks onto one side of the field. He never goes to his third and fourth receivers.

EXAMPLE: QB looks for the #9 jersey yet again. We intercept the panic and intervene. BUZZ!!! Negative look right and see the stork on the 35.

This device shall be known as the Audience Override Device or A.O.D. because we like T.L.A. (Three Letter Acronyms).

Northwestern, Penn State, and Wisconsin are looking way too tough now and I got a bad feeling about the next 3 games.

Yes I Pulled The Trigger And It Was Good!

I could/should have sent numerous children to In School Intervention today, but I only sent four. When I warn one child four times in 20 seconds to NOT THROW the paper ball into the trash can ala Michael Jordan and then he does it RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME I don't feel sorry for him.

I felt a little sorry for one as he retaliated against his friend. However I didn't see the stupid thing his friend did; I only saw what he did. Hey, I warned them not to do that and at least one of them did that.

Why can't I use a ruler to swat their hands real fast? It worked for me when I was a kid. I turned out okay. Can I borrow the sheriff's taser?

As much as I complain I do like it when they learn something from my teachings. I belief many of you should try to be a substitute teacher sometime. You might learn something.

Not Quite The Money Shot I Hoped For

When you get mail from the state bar association you're happy. At least when you're waiting for written confirmation that you passed the bar. I was wanting info on the swearing in ceremony. The letter said we could have our picture taken. That's nice, but where/when the ceremony. The letter mentions the place and the date, but not a time. Oh dear am I going to have to investigate the place/date/time of my own ceremony? I wonder if the parental units want to come?

Conflicts Of Interest

Decisions, decisions. Ye olde alma mater plays Iowa tomorrow. Iowa is in my pool and I took quite a drubbing last week. Stupid Florida and Michigan State!!!

Who should I root for is the problem.

No money is riding on this so that means it is pure pride. That makes it worse.

I Don't Think This Costume Will Fit Me.

Swiped from Citations (for once I'm returning the favor).

You Are A....Gothic Ballerina!
-dark

-beautiful

-kind


What's Your Halloween Costume? .:with pics:.
brought to you by Quizilla

I Hate Water

The problem with pushing the fluids is the fluids push back.

I am not exaggerating when I say I estimate I've drank 4 to 6 liters of water every day this week. Easily. Likely more to be honest.

Perhaps I'll visit a doctor after school to see if I can get meds to kill this cough. Keeping supersaturated seems to be the only thing that keeps my hacking at bay. I'll take a pill please. Resource Center with small groups of children. Oh that sounds nice. Real teachers are not paid well enough in my opinion.

As A Student I Have Failed.

Maybe once I start suing people I'll get meaner.

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Scoobie Rex And The 3.

Let's call this very preliminary research having nothing better to do concerning future automobile purchases within the next year or three. Unless a dramatic change occurs a small sedan/sportwagon seems the most likely candidate for my Wheels of Doom.

Subaru Impreza WRX: Scoobies, Rex, the WRX whatever you call it those in the know are aware of the fun nature of this beast. The silver all-wheel drive wagon was an '05 and the dealer was wanting to get rid of it. The 06's are coming and EVERYTHING MUST GO! The only difference between the two is Subaru upgrading the engine from a WRX only 2.0L flat four to the more common 2.5L flat four found throughout the Subie fleet. Ah yes going to a big block for more scoot, not uncommon.

This WRX was well equipped: sunroof, STi short throw shift lever, additional turbo boost gauge all for an MSRP of $26K, but EVERYTHING MUST GO! I stalled it in the parking lot. Twice. Every clutch is different and finding the friction zone takes experience. Besides I didn't know how high I had to rev the engine to make sure it didn't stall out. This thing is fast. The unlimited torque made the WRX move smartly without the need to downshift. EVERY gear had power to spare. It was weird to be on the interstate, pass traffic in 5th, and not require a quarter-mile of empty space behind me to allow traffic to catch up.

Some say the WRX has a very intrusive engine noise coming into the passenger compartment. I say it is a performance oriented growl from the flat four. I'm curious how the standard shifter performs as the performance short throw STi shifter I found somewhat annoying. I did get better with it further in the test drive. The sunroof is nice. Opening the hood and looking at things that aren't the cylinder heads is a very odd experience. All major fluids are easy to access and well marked.

"You know I need to get this wagon out of here. With rebates and good dealing we can get this close to 20 grand." If I had any source of regular income I would have sold my soul to get the keys to the silver turbo wagon with all-wheel drive.

Mazda 3s: The front drive dark red wagon was almost perfect. Being down 67 HP and 67 lb-Ft of torque was not a problem as the 3 is over 350lbs lighter than the WRX. All-wheel drive adds weight. With objective instruments the WRX will perform better in almost every way, but my miscalibrated buttmeter didn't notice a difference. The leather seats were very comfy. The 3's manual shifter felt vastly superior to the Subaru's. The shifts fell naturally into place. Once again, superior power felt available regardless of what gear I was in. Passing traffic in 4th or 5th made no difference. Engine noise is far quieter in the Mazda. Dodging between semis and SUVs on the interstate was easy. The 3 is so nimble you almost will it into a space.

The interior was fine and all control buttons were easy to reach. The Knight Rider inspired radio was interesting to look at. The louder the volume the more lights activated. The mute button on the steering wheel was an interesting feature. It didn't turn off the radio, merely silenced it. On a perfect 78 degree day the sunroof was wonderful.

At $21K MSRP this 3 was nearly fully loaded with leather, sunroof, Bose stereo. The only obvious item missing was the nav screen. Bah, people are too dependent on those anyway. Ditch the lux items while keeping the performance goodies and MSRP comes down to around $18.5K.

WINER: Tough call here. Both vehicles are very capable performance-wise. Both are comfy on the inside with good ergonomics concerning the control buttons, levers, and knobs. Both are highly functional as little wagons where other people and cargo are a concern. If you demand rally inspired absolute performance the Subaru WRX is your vehicle. If you want bang for the buck, the Mazda 3 will leave you smiling all the way to the bank.

To Do List

Get haircut to eliminate bedhead. Check.
Send resume to HR person who requested it after I passed the bar. Check.
Go through car wash to get rid of cat paw prints all over side of MGR. Check.
Get rid of annoying cough. Still working on that one.
Drink plenty of fluids. Check.
Watch the best show on Wednesday night: Veronica Mars. When the clock hits 8:00 9:00 Check.

My To Do List was more extensive, but I got distracted by reading a book. I forgot you can read for purposes not related to school. What a pleasant rediscovery.

Post VM Edit: did anyone else find the Logan/Cordy...er Mama Casablancas sex scene creepy? Yes poor Logan will be our touched by shadows and darkness anti-hero for the season. I feel sorry for him. The whiny girl Wallace is into...don't like her at all. She is far too manipulative. The current sheriff is either a patsy willing to bend to community pressure or too lazy and incompetent to do a proper investigation on anything. I don't mind one flub up in a season, but two bonehead maneuvers in two seasons is a bit much.

Ideas That Seemed Good At The Time

Quick morning observation:

Flu season is upon us. How do you hold a clinic? Have a drive-thru at a parking lot. Just sit in your car, drive up and get the shot. Some people have been at the lot since 4am. With gasoline near $3/gallon I'm not letting my engine idle that long. I'm also not getting up at O-dark thirty!

One of these days I'll blog about something interesting I promise. Until that time you're stuck with this.

How Do You Live Your Life

From my vast Archive of Drafts I publish this. I'll return to real blogging once my germ/bacteria infested body stops killing me. Okay except for a extremely annoying cough I'm feeling much better now. Amazing what 13 hours of sleep yesterday and 11 hours today can do for the human body.

Courtesy of Disoriented Express. Okay I'll agree to this.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

I Am A WMD

I'm recovering from a cold. I bet you thought I would say alcohol induced poisoning/binge. Nope. It was coming on Friday, I fought it Saturday while at a football game (upon further review not one of my brighter ideas), and am attempting to sleep it off Sunday and today.

I don't feel too bad, but my voice would go out in a few minutes if I had to talk. I couldn't go into work because of that. Besides I might infect the children or they'll infect me. Either way isn't good. Aside from the cough and the sore throat I believe the worst part is my joints aching. Oh Tylenol Cold kick in soon please.

Maybe another nap would be a good idea.

Sorry but no commentary on horrible football, Serenity (go to movie theaters and see now please), or SCOTUS nominees today.