Mission Impossible

I don't want to blog much about Katrina and New Orleans. There isn't anything I can do. You're bombarded with 24 hour television concerning the disaster. I don't want to add to the bombardment of dispair. After going through various news reports, blogs, and online articles I ask people to think a little bit. Do you honestly believe that no one cares to rescue the people in trouble? Do you believe we truly knew how horribly bad it would be after the hurricane? Do you believe that anyone and everyone that can help isn't rushing from across this large 3,000 mile wide across country to get to the Gulf Coast? Sometimes we need miricles. The reality is that we're human and limited by what we can do. Our technology is amazing, but it can do only so much. Below is a reply I wrote elsewhere to keep things in perspective.

******

I know you're frustrated, but the hospital ship (I'm assuming you're talking about the USNS Comfort out of Baltimore) takes 5 days to prep from standstill to sailing status. (I looked on their website.) I've been hearing about it being readied since the weekend because someone figured it would be needed after Katrina.

I know everyone is frustrated at the situation. I know everyone is asking why wasn't more done ahead of time. When it hit FL it was a minor hurricane, then suddenly it got ginormous. We knew ahead of time the situation would be bad, but we didn't know it would be this bad. We hoped it wouldn't be this bad. Hell, right after the hurricane things seemed relatively okay until the levees burst.

The Red Cross and other organizations that prepare for disaster relief are there now doing the best they can. They prepositioned and brought as many supplies as they could. The military is doing the same thing, but think of the logistical nightmare. ABC or CNN can send in one truck easily, but the army and the guard have to bring in hundreds of trucks, dozens to hundreds of small boats. They have to bring in the fuel, the spare parts, the mechanics to keep the machines running and right now the only machines that can easily get in are helicopters. Few, if any, runways still exist for planes. Roads are gone for trucks and Humvees. Roads that still exist are littered with debris. Docks and other ports are smashed for large ships. The massive amount of aid required to help these people require large ships or planes, the very types of transportation hampered by this disaster.

Everyone involved is trying their best. Everyone involved wishes things could go faster. But the reality is this is practically Mission Impossible.

******

Between television, movies, books, the internet and who knows what else I often think people have an unrealistic view of the world. We're so used to instant results that we're surprised when we can't do something right now. I'm not blaming anyone. I don't want to come down hard on anyone. But big problems take big amounts of time to resolve. It hurts us to see some many in pain. It should hurt us to see that kind of misery and fear. We're a compassionate people.

We're a great country filled with great people. We will save and help as many victims as we can as soon as we can. Yet here is the reality: we can't save everyone no matter how hard we try and there isn't a damn thing that can be done about it. Deep down most of us know that, and that is why we're so frustrated.

There Can Be Only One

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

Radical Thoughts

Given the devastation occurring to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina I wonder if it should be rebuilt. I'm serious. A city below sea level was a disaster waiting to happen. Many people knew this and now the worse fears are being realized. I never thought I would see an American city ordered to be completely evacuated.

Perhaps it should be rebuilt further inland and above sea level, I don't know. Would the new city be named Newer Orleans?

As for the looting of your own neighbors, I truly don't understand some people. You don't have a home now because it is underwater. Where are you going to put your stolen goods. Oh, a more basic question why loot in the middle of a natural disaster?

Are You A Real American?

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 9 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

A Letter To The Regular Teacher

Hello teacher,

My name is Mr. D. and I 'guest taught' for your class today. No that isn't some attempt to hide myself on a blog. I wrote my name on the blackboard and wrote the pronunciation guide, but I've noticed that many teachers seem to go by a Mr/Mrs (First Letter Of Last Name) in order to avoid horrible manglings of their name. Half of your class decided to go with Mr. D. and I accept that. The other half at least tried to pronounce my name correctly. I think two of your 3rd graders got it correct.

I want to begin this letter by stating elementary school teachers should be nominated for sainthood. I am a man known for tremendous patience. I did computer tech support for over 5 years with frustrated computer users. I guided numerous people of limited experience through their problems. I've heard that patience is required for educators. I taught in Honors Society in high school, I've taught many people about computers, and I've attempted to teach others all throughout my life about things they need to know. I believe I am a good amateur educator. I reasoned I had enough patience for a class of 28 third graders. Oh how wrong I was. I'll get to that later.

The good news is I found the lesson plan you provided for me. The bad news is it wasn't with the other lesson plans so I found it right before the children left the school busses. Since I had to dash to the office in order to stop the frantic phone call about to be made to you I never had a chance to go over the lesson plan before my children arrived. Five spare minutes was all I needed to read your document completely. Five minutes to rummage around your room to see what materials and teacher manuals I needed to use. I didn't need to be an expert. I simply needed to know the basic schedule, the few tidbits on certain students you provided, and where certain key items such as band-aids, trash cans, and teacher manuals were located. I arrived early in order to get those five minutes. Why do I always lose time in the Main Office? At times I wonder if the meet and greet is overrated. Perhaps instead of being on-time I should arrive 15 or 20 minutes early just to get all the formalities out of the way. I NEVER GOT THE 5 MINUTES is what I'm saying.

I admit it: I have little experience with children. Now that many of my friends have spawned I'm around a fair number of toddlers. However, except for the 6th, 7th, and 8th graders I met last week, I'm a rather adult oriented person. Most adults can be reasoned with to an extent. I've discovered this tactic doesn't work on 8 year olds. I am not attempting to be their friend. I am their teacher; therefore, I should be higher up the food chain. When explaining myself I'm attempting to show them my decision isn't arbitrary and capricious nor designed to thwart their desires 'just because I can.' For teenagers that idea might work. For 3rd graders I may need a more iron hand in velvet glove approach. I don't know how much I taught the children today, but they certainly teach me!

I've discovered 8 year olds dislike change. If something disrupts their schedule I will hear about it! If I do something differently than you, their regular teacher, would do it I will hear about it. I attempted to teach them to be flexible and go with the flow. Would you be so kind as to reinforce that concept? Anyway the first disruption was the fire alarm. They never panicked. They knew exactly what to do. They lined up and calmly walked out into the hall. Since I had no idea where to go I simply followed them. The fire drill didn't last long, but it took forever to get the kids back into the classroom after the numerous bathroom breaks, replacement batteries for the hearing aid, and hall passes to see the nurse. Do these children have small bladders? Are children so overmedicated now that they are fragile as china? I can relate to the electronic device running out of juice.

I don't recall what I was attempting to do for the next half hour, but another teacher was kind enough to come in and start the mock ISTEP examination. I realize you didn't schedule the mock exam, but you've been gone since last Wednesday. The school wanted to conduct a mock examination today since the dreaded ISTEP exams start tomorrow. Annoying standardized exams that you don't want to take. I can relate to that. I wandered around the room helping the children follow the instructions the other teacher gave. Our students, those who could read a clock, noticed we were going into recess time. We, the teachers, explained the schedule was moved around to accommodate the ISTEP exams. Certain activities, like recess, were in the afternoon this week. At this point I'm recalling Dustin Hoffman in RainMan proclaiming, "Judge Wapner at 4'o clock." over and over again.

I tried to follow your lesson plan for the morning, but the fire drill and mock exam blew it to hell. It didn't help when I passed out the first worksheets about 'predicates' and couldn't find a corresponding lesson in the book. It also didn't help that I had no recollection what a predicate was. The last time I dealt with predicates was over 15 years ago, maybe 20. I asked them if they knew what a predicate was? I was hoping for one genius child and that didn't occur. I had to level with them: I had no idea what a predicate was so filling out the worksheet would be impossible. I've never received a grade lower than a B in English. I'm a published author concerning international law. I've written over 1,100 blog posts. I have no idea what a stinkin' predicate is.

In the interest of saving time I skipped your math lesson and the reading lesson. I went directly to handwriting the letter 'E' in cursive. Why does Little Jonny not want to write? He was willing to write capital 'E' and small 'e.' He refused to write an ending to the sentence. I kept telling him I didn't care what he wrote to end the sentence 'Each evening.' I provided Jonny with several examples of possible endings. Why can't Little Jonny write one of the endings I suggested? At this point I should have inquired as to what the disciplinary rules were, but I had 27 other rambunctious children to attend. I think at this point is when I took his little metal chain away from him. He really didn't like that.

I walked your children down to the lunchroom. Once again I simply followed them as I had no idea where it was. The principal noted how loud they were. No number of shushes, please be quiet, and this odd L hand signal everyone else seemed to use had any effect on their volume. I loved the teachers' lounge though. Sadly I've lost my voice by this point.

I don't see the point of getting the kids back to the classroom just to get them to Art a few minutes later. Maybe it is to give them a bathroom break yet again. Can someone design a school with bathrooms in the lunch room so these kids can go on their own? I liked your art teacher. She made the kids line up twice as they entered the art room too loudly. I warned her they were energetic today despite all my protests to be quiet in the halls. Art class is my prep period. I FINALLY got a chance to prep for a subject: SCIENCE! Would you believe I was a science nerd? A chance to teach "The Solar System" was heavenly. I had the Sun, all 9 planets (including the possible 10th planet recently discovered), various moons by name, and the Asteroid Belt drawn on the board. I didn't introduce the terms "light-minute" and "light-year" but I introduced the concepts to show the vast distances of space. The kids freaked when I wrote 400,000,000,000 on the board to explain how many stars were in our galaxy. I kept reinforcing previous concepts from the lesson. I hope I did Carl Sagan proud, though I resisted the urge to say BILLLL-UONS and BILLLL-UONS of stars. The first 20 minutes of Science were okay. The last 20 minutes they knew Recess was coming.

Speaking of Recess Little Jonny didn't make it. Detention for him. At this point I should mention B. Throughout class and recess I came to the conclusion B. seemed to have a crush on me. "Mr. D. can I help pass out papers?" "Mr. D. I like you. You're funny." "Mr. D. are you married?" "Mr. D. can you help me with my hair?" "Mr. D. how old are you?" "Mr. D. watch this (proceeds to do a somersault)!" A redheaded 3rd grade girl is apparently attracted to me. This proves that god has a sense of humor, and a warped one at that.

Can someone explain to me how a tiny 1st grade girl at recess can be so incredibly loud as she screams? I'm not talking about how painfully high a pitch her scream was, but outright volume. Someone turned the amp up to 11 on her.

The reading magazine proved so topical. It talked about hurricanes and the states that often bear the brunt of those storms. I tried to work in Hurricane Katrina as it was turning New Orleans into Atlantis today as far as I knew. Would someone please explain to me how to keep 20+ children quiet? I kept pointing out how loud they were. I referenced it back to the reading exercise on rules we just completed. Why aren't they listening to me?

I ignored your plan for 10 minutes of that read-aloud time. The children pulverized the room and I wanted them to clean it up. Paper, debris, and a box of 96 crayons was spread every where. I'm still uncertain how the instructions of, "Put all the books back where they belong and clean up your area" are so difficult for 8 year olds to understand. I tried to explain what I was expecting from them, but I had to break up a fight. I didn't care about the notes being passed around and little girls telling on them, but when I have two boys wrestling on the ground knocking over a chair I figure I should intervene. Mr. D's angry voice came out and dropped 3 octaves.

"I don't care who started this fight! I am ending it RIGHT NOW! I don't care what you said and what you threw. You WILL NOT BE SHOVING EACH OTHER AROUND! I want YOU to clean up the mess on this floor by your desk! Since you two are having problems being together I want YOU to grab your bookbag and stand by the pencil sharpener until the bell rings. You two will DO EXACTLY what I say RIGHT NOW!!! I see any more [managed to not say the word CRAP] stuff from either one of you I'm sending you both to the principal's office. I don't care that you'll miss the bus. You'll have to explain to your parents why they had to come to school to pick you up after the principal talks with you. I will eat your souls and steal your lunch money if either one of your does anything I don't like! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!!"

*the bell rings*

Class dismissed!

I attempted to clean up as much of the trash as possible. I put the Crayola 96 Box back together. I forgot the smell of crayons is so pleasant. I've left a note on your desk concerning the several discipline problems. I don't mind the opportunity to teach, but today I was a glorified baby sitter and a bad one at that. I know part of it was my fault. I believe I kept trying to apply adult tactics on children too young to be effective on. Yet part of it is theirs. They need to understand a guest teacher is still their teacher.

Welcome to 3rd grade. I don't know if I want to go back. I might give it another shot, but I need a few days to recover. Good luck getting them through a boring test. I'm sure it'll drive your patience.

Sincerely,
Mr. D.

Confessions Poll: Brian vs. Third Graders

I just received the call. The assignment for today is third graders! I've never taught at a elementary school before. I have to say I preferred the sixth graders to the eight graders in the middle schools. The sixth graders honestly weren't jaded yet and somewhat respected my authority! Eight graders loved to ignore the teacher. Hee-hee that is why I made one answer the question presented. You don't pay attention to my lesson I'll call on you. I learned something in 3 years of law school.

The poll question for today is how will things go for me.

Answer 1: Brian will have a lovely time with a class full of young children.
Answer 2: Brian will teach a little and babysit a little, but it won't be too bad a day.
Answer 3: A classroom full of 3rd graders is akin the the critical mass of fissionable material.
Answer 4: These kids will plow through Brian like Hurricane Katrina through New Orleans.

Manic Writer's Block

Some bloggers run out of things to say. Their creative juices dry up for a bit, sometimes forever. I've been having the opposite problem the last few weeks: I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS! I have A TON of things I would love to discuss. I don't know how to articulate them at the moment so I don't post anything other than quickie fluff pieces and quizzes. Not that quickie fluff pieces and quizzes are a bad thing, but I want to stretch out the artistic muscles every now and then.

I will leave the next choice up to you, my reliable audience of 7 people. Which juicy topic should I post on next? #1: an observation about race and economic status. #2: an observation about substitute teachers and their students. #3: something else.

Can I sleep now?

Indy Cultural Tidbits: Things To Do Places To Be

A few quick ideas for your To-Do List:

Feast Of Lanterns at Spades Park on the Near East Side. Free admission and all the proceeds to the Near East Side Community Organization. Food, fun, music, kid zone, and lantern lighting at dust.

Fab For Less Home Tour. Take two wrecks of housing near Foutain Square and transform it into a contest for two sets of designers to compete. They have a $1,000 budget per room. Sounds like Trading Spaces on steroirds. Tix are $10 at the door I believe.

Taking A Bite Out Of...Well People I Guess

You scored as Backup (2.0). You seemed to have changed between the first and second episodes, but you are still our favorite badass doggie! Backup (2.0) 75% Veronica Mars 56% Keith Mars 50% Wallace Fennel 44% Lilly Kane 38% Duncan Kane 25% Logan Echolls 25% Eli 6% Which Veronica Mars Character Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

Speaking of Veronica Mars, last weeks episode was the key! Between the last few eps I now understand this Logan/Veronica romance: Cute boy + Cute Girl + Forbidden Love + Hormones = One Hell Of A Kiss. Did anyone think it was romantic Logan drove to the hotel to beat the crap out of ATF Agent/Kidnapper? Granted in that type of situation you should call the police, but this is television so you need a dramatic rescue to set up the first forbidden kiss. If this law gig doesn't work out I should be a television critic.

I blame you lawgeekgurl for getting me addicted to Veronica Mars. It conflicts with The West Wing! I think Smallville is moving to Thursday nights so VM won't conflict with it. The plan was simple, watch West Wing because NBC came in solidly through my rabbit ears and rely on Other People's TiVo to record other channels. Why can't cable TV be ordered ala carte?

Band Day

Tomorrow's assignment is a middle school orchestra. I can conduct and I can read bass clef, though I'm very rusty at that! Treble clef oh forget that! I'm a lost cause on treble clef. Every Good Boy Does Fine is all I remember. The key is enthusiasm and a willingness to try.

I hope there is another music teacher there! I'll have to dress nicely this time. I could have been the gym teacher again! They get to wear t-shirts and shorts!

Oh, But I Know Far More Colorful Phrasing!

Restrained. Hee-hee, yeah right!

Your word is BUGGER. You are generally quite
restrained, but sometimes your anger or
frustration come to the surface and it all
comes out. Yet you somehow can't stop sounding
polite, despite it all.


Which Swear (Curse) Word Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Run A Lap!

I was the stereotypical sadistic gym teacher today. I made children run laps! Okay they were supposed to run laps according to the other gym teacher. The difference between 6th graders and 8th graders is amazing. Some 6th graders are so tiny. Some 8th graders are as big as me. Yikes!

This had to have been one of the easiest intro to teaching sessions ever. I had home room, made the kids read, then helped the female gym teacher run 5 classes worth of kids. It appears co-ed gym classes require co-ed gym teachers. Some of my duties were simply to be in the boys' locker room to make sure the children weren't goofing off.

I can understand why some people like being in the teaching profession. I wonder if I'll get a call tomorrow morning? If so, what will I teach and where? I think I'll enjoy this. The principlal already noted I got a good review this morning. Might be the first time I was in the principal's office for something good I've done.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Lunch out, seeing Four Brothers, and dinner out. Mom had a busy day. Four Brothers eh? Nice violent John Singleton movie. Mom surprises me sometimes.

Back To School For All.

For all my friends left behind at the Black Hole, good luck on your first day of classes today. As for me I get to teach gym class today as my first assignment. I sense a certain irony to that. Maybe I will not require a workout after work then. This should be interesting.

The Key To A Job Is Even More School?

Potentially good news in a bit. I'll update this after lunch if some things fall into place. Has anyone seen my dress slacks?

Afternoon EDIT:

Luckily a fair number of my classmates already have a job. When they graduated they didn't need to do the job hunt rat race. Some of my classmates managed to secure a job during bar review. However, the rest of the graduating class of 2005 don't have legal employment at this time. I don't have a hard number, but I'm willing to guess at least 60% of those who graduated in May don't have legal employment at this time. I'm one of them. My problem, which I'm willing to bet most of my fellow graduates also share, is I have NO EMPLOYMENT at all! If I had a working spouse or excellent investments this wouldn't be much of a problem, but I'm not that fortunate.

As I've discussed earlier it appears having a degree but not a license to practice (or even the knowledge that at least you've passed the damn Bar Exam) is a no-man's land. Very few jobs are available at this time and the ones that are posted say "Please call back when you've passed the bar." When looking for a temp job or a part time job many managers look at you wondering why someone with my qualifications would want to work retail. They're concerned that you'll bolt out the door as soon as you get "a real job." I can't blame them as they're right!

People get overwhelmed with their problems. What we usually fail to realize is that we rarely need to solve THE BIG PROBLEM all at once. Every problem can be broken down into smaller easier to resolve problems. Instead of thinking, "How am I going to find a legal job when no one wants an unlicensed graduate?" became "I just need some money to pay the electric bill and buy gas at $2.60 a gallon." I didn't need a high paying job for that. The solution proved fairly simple: become a substitute teacher.

Every school district sets up their own standards, but most of them only require a bachelors degree. Anyone with a college education can get a substitute teacher license. Since schools are just starting up this time of year the demand is high. I filled out my substitute teacher packet on Friday and had my orientation session today! I'll likely work tomorrow. The license paperwork usually takes 6 weeks to process, but the school districts are allowed to use people who are "in process." It isn't a lot of money, most fast food workers get paid more than this. Yet the job is very flexible timewise so if I get a job interview one day I simply let the coordinator know I'm not available to work on that particular day. If I get a better job and quit teaching there is no hard feelings as they know this is very temporary work. The $60 a day sure isn't going to keep anyone around. People do this work because they like kids, want to give back to the community, and are looking for a flexible job. I've always been a teacher wherever I've been. This time I can actually use the word as part of my job title.

One small problem solved. Time to move onto the next problem.

You Get To See More Of Spike Luv!

To all the BTVS & Angel fans out there I figured you would like an update on where to watch your favorite actors.

James Marsters (Spike) will be Brainiac on "Smallville." Oh really? It appears he'll be a regular instead of the Villian De Jour.

Alyson Hannigan (Willow) has already been on Veronica Mars and now will be on the CBS show "How I Met Your Mother." I've already seen commercials for that.

Speaking of Veronica Mars, Charisma Carpenter (Cordelia) will be on it this season. I have no idea if both CC and AH will be on an episode together, but that would be cool.

David Boreanaz (Angel) stars in a new Fox drama "Bones."

Seth Green (Oz) stars in NBC's "Four Kings." Is that anything like the movie "Three Kings?"

Nicholas Brendon (our favorite everyman Xander) is on Fox's "Kitchen Confidential." Can Nicholas Brendon cook?

I guess Sarah Michelle Gellar is sticking with movies and makeup commericals for now.

Potpourri Weekend

Fantasy Football Draft:
We came up with a simple draft. Draft the teams, not the players, and just follow the win/loss record. This makes it very easy to follow and very easy to administrate. My problem was that I wasn’t supposed to be in the draft so I did no research on teams. What do I know about the Mountain West and Sun Belt conferences? One person backed out at the last minute so with 30 minutes to go I suddenly had to figure out a draft strategy for all 119 Division I teams. The solution was to draft teams I knew from big conferences, then draft teams from the smaller conferences that I’ve heard of. If I’ve heard of them I’m hoping they won some games. Go Florida, Iowa, and with luck Air Force and Buffalo will pull off a few upsets for me.

Poker Night:
Having never played the game I was content to watch. If I had gotten all the way through ‘Poker For Dummies’ I might have played. Wait a second; I have no job and no money. No way was I playing! With a $10 buy in they need to figure out a way to speed up the game. It shouldn’t take over 6 hours to play.

Football:
When was the last time we played football? I would like to thank the defense for giving up on me for some odd reason and allowing me to run in for the touchdown. Sadly we returned the favor later in the afternoon. I don’t know what is worse: doing something wrong and getting burned for it, or doing everything right and still getting burned for it. I guarded my receiver, my hands were in front of his, but it was the perfect throw and the perfect catch. Even my teammates admitted I couldn’t have done any better than I did on that throw, but sometimes you lose. Oh god I am still sore. Why am I always ending up on the ground? Why can’t Whumpa be thrown to the ground by me for once? I need another Tylenol please.

Misc:
I need some coffee now. I think I’m going through withdrawal symptoms.

Keep Claudia Around Please

Dear Stargate Producers and Writers,

I have heard nasty rumors that you will be killing off Vala, played by Claudia Black, in tonight's episode. Please do not do this. I appreciate Amanda Tapping coming back from maternity leave and that fulfills the Have At Least One Female role required on this action show. I realize that Claudia Black is merely a guest star. That is fine, but don't kill her off please. The interplay between Vala and Daniel Jackson is very amusing to watch. Daniel has been a stale nerdy type for too long and having a strong, mischievous female as a foil is a joy to watch. It makes both deeper characters as they have to figure each other out.

Also I would note that Claudia Black and Michael Shanks, who plays the aforementioned Dr. Jackson, have obvious chemistry together, much like she did with fellow castmate Ben Browder in a certain other series both starred in. Two actors with good chemistry can make up for mediocre writing. They play off each other very well and that makes them both better actors.

Though I am loathe to use this as a reason to not get rid of the character I must point out that Claudia Black is HOT! My female friends have enjoyed the "yumminess" of Ben Browder's addition. My female friends debate the appropriate level of scruffiness on Michael Shank's beard. Since this reasoning is good enough for them I believe it is good enough for me. Claudia Black is a beautiful woman to watch and the bit of Australian accent is most pleasing to hear. I'm hoping for your sake that all the internet rumors are false.

Signed,
Loyal Fan of Claudia Black and all those other people on the show.

I Deny This!

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

They Really Wanted That Attribute

*mope mode on*

You remember my cover letter? The job postings were from a large institution that requires lots of lawyers. I've had numerous contacts with that institution of my 3 years of school. I also figured I should apply now as large institutions tend to have inertia when it comes to personnel decisions.

One of the requirements listed was admitted to the bar. This is a problem for me and 600 other people who took the exam in late July. I figured if the decisions gears turned slow or if they could use a well trained helper to assist those real lawyers for a few months that it was worth my while to send in my resume.

I just got a nice letter from them today. They thanked me for my interest, but they really need licensed lawyers now, not people who only have a framed degree.

I hate this netherworld I'm in. Degreed, yet essentially useless to my chosen profession. Finding a temp position is difficult because I'm overqualified and they would be concerned with me wanting to find other employment later. Hello, that is the nature of a temp position. I refuse to apply to every ad in the job bank. I left a job to go to law school. I left a career I could no longer stand. It has to be about more than just money and being employed. I'm not looking for the perfect job, but I am looking for a place I'll feel comfortable. Certain areas of law and certain types of employers hold no appeal to me.

I need a temp job now so bad. I need enough to pay the bills. That way when I am licensed in a few months (fingers crossed) I can afford to be somewhat choosy. I refuse to be in the position of several classmates. They already have a job or one is waiting for them. Yet some aren't happy or know they will not be happy. Screw that. I don't demand perfection, but I need to enjoy the work I'll be doing. I need to find a reasonable fit somewhere.

If I'm lucky maybe some positions will still be available at that large institution in a few months. I can see myself there.

I'm Like Junior!

Your Musical Tastes Match: Dale Earnhardt Jr.

See his whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

2006 Honda Civic

Honda is throwing some preproduction parties as a way of introducing their next generation Civic. One intrepid blogger, Brett, in Los Angeles has several photos posted on his blog.

Initial comments: exterior styling is an evolution of the generally conservative styling the Civic has had for 2 generations now at least. It will not offend anyone, but it doesn't stand out. The front clip appears Saturnesque to me. I can't stand those wheels to be honest. I hope those are on the base model. Interior layout of the dash and sterring wheel is radically different. I can't tell from the photos how it truly flows, but Honda usually has ergonomics down pretty good.

Word has it the brand spanking new 1.8L 4 cylinder engines have good power for their size, around 140 hp or so. Don't go looking for Mustangs at the stoplight, but should have decent thrust. A hybrid has already been designed, but I have no idea if it will come out the same time as the conventional breathern. Honda will sell a quarter million per year easily in the U.S. as they've been doing for several years now. It will be on my test drive list at the very least.

Chicago will be the nearest location, but no date has been announced yet. Road trip!

These Diplomas Look Nice

It has been 3 weeks since I've stepped foot on campus. I've rather enjoyed staying away from this black hole. However out of 3 years worth of textbooks I'm managing to sell one friggin' textbook and two supplements so I had business at the building.

I dropped into the Recorder's office to see if they had an E.T.A. on our diplomas. I was just curious. The boxes arrived 10 minutes before I asked the question. I got to go fishing for my diploma and I am now the first person of the Class of May 2005 to have in his possession a juris doctorate degree.

Boom Baby! Time to get a cheap frame to protect this thing.

EDIT: $10 at Target does wonders. At 20" x 16" this thing is huge. I wonder if that is why it took so long to get. Someone had to kill a redwood to print all of these. The golden seal with the cream and crimson ribbons are a nice touch.

Confessions PSA: How To Get Less Junk Mail!

I don't know about you but I get swamped in junk mail from credit card companies and other useless things I don't want. You can get out of it! Fill out the online form and the mail carrier's back will thank you. It isn't immediate, but you can supposedly reduce the amount of junk mail substantially. You still get it from places you've done business with or local merchants, but I never want to get a Capital One mailing again.

Another opt out form from another service is here. I find their purely online function to be bogus as they require a $5 application fee for an online submission, but you can use the online form and print it. The cost of the stamp is less than $5!

More GM Vaporware?

Vaporware is a computer term for great promises of great product that NEVER arrive. Most General Motors press releases about their future products amount to vaporware. GM would make a good magician with their now you see it...or wait you never really saw it did you approach.

So forgive me in my cynicism if the great General has announced future products with Zeta, their low cost rear wheel drive platform, to provide Chevy, Pontiac, and Buick with new impressive large rear drive vehicles. Zeta is coming, no wait a minute Zeta is going as I told you in March. Why is Zeta important to you? Affordable and high quality rear drive cars are rare. The best handling vehicles are rear wheel drive (RWD) due to a superior weight distribution. The proper image of certain vehicle types is considered RWD i.e. the best luxury sedans are RWD. That image has a trickle down effect. Also if you wish to tow a moderately heavy load and not require a SUV or pickup truck then a RWD car is the only way to go. Minivans don't tow jack! Therefore Zeta, and RWD in general, is important for some aesthetic and technical reasons.

Zeta will, in theory, provide a replacement Pontiac GTO, a reborn Chevy Camaro to fight the supremely popular Ford Mustang, and proper large sedans for Chevy, Pontiac, and Buick in the United States. The Australian Holden division will get the new products first in mid-2006 since Holden was already doing most of the work on Zeta in the first place. From there GM will import vehicles into China under the Buick label (why are Chinese Buicks more interesting than American ones?). By 2008 or 2009 the first Zeta product will be produced in at least one factory and possibly imported as well into the North America market.

Okay GM, you put Zeta on the back burner for six months to pull forward your new class of SUVs, let's see you make something worthy of the Impala SS name! If you make another boring Toyota appliance-like sedan again I'm going to be pissed. Oh well you could always change your mind yet again. BTW: that 5 and 6 speed automatic transmission comment in the story is good, but could you please offer a sport sedan with a 6 speed manual option? I think Pontiac deserves a crack at BMW. Thanks.

If Only The BMV Allowed The Use Of Exclamation Points

Do you think the owner of the nice red VW Jetta TDI (turbo direct injection aka diesel) is bragging here? The license place was "52 MPG."

I get mid-20s in gas mileage. That is with a 11 year old 98 horsepower engine and it just cost me almost $35 to fill it up. If this city had any viable public transportation system I would be using it now.

To Take A Chance.

Chance. It provides equal opportunity to all. Rich, poor, strong, weak, intelligent, stupid. Chance is always around. Sometimes chance bullies you whether you want it around or not. Sometimes you see chance is around and you have the choice as to whether take a chance or not. Those are the worse situations in some ways. You have the choice because you can foresee the possible consequences of the opportunity.

In life you're either living or you're dying. Sometimes chance affects that observation. Sometimes you're stuck in a netherworld between the two. If you take a chance at least you'll end up in one direction or the other. At that point you know what you're dealing with because you took the chance.

Sometimes you pass on chance. You didn't want to, but something happened. You lost your nerve for some silly reason. Then you're still stuck in a purgatory. You're not living or dying. You're nothing. You just want chance to come by one more time so you can do something and then deal with the cards on the table.

Under Construction Again

*Oboe playing light melodic music in the background*

Brian:
Hello everyone and welcome to This Old Blog. I'm your host Brian and we're going to discuss all the changes that have occured since the last episode. Here is our construction supervisor Norm.

Norm:
Hey Brian, as you can tell we've done a lot of work around here. New formats, new schemes and designs. Right now our biggest problem is decideing what to bring back and in what format. The demoltion left us with lots of old material to reuse, but we don't know if we want to reuse all of it.

Brian:
Sounds like a lot of work Norm.

Norm:
Yes it is Brian. We're going to be doing detail work on This Old Blog for at least a week I bet. We're having trouble getting some of the old buttons to work properly. We may just have to rewire those.

Brian:
Oh no. So it wasn't the hot swapable plug and play we were hoping for?

Norm:
Of course not Brian. No upgrade ever works the way you expect it to. At least all the heavy lifting is done. Now we're just dealing with the fine detail work. Luckily we're only 185,000 dollars over budget this time.

Brian:
Wow, for This Old Blog that isn't too bad an overrun. Thanks Norm and that is the end of this episdoe of This Old Blog.

Sometimes You Just Can't Follow Their Advice

"Cover letters should never include the salutations "To Whom It May Concern," "Dear Hiring Partner," or "Dear Sir or Madam.""

I would really like to follow that piece of advice. I understand the reasoning behind it. However when the only contact information you have is a generic human resources email address it makes it difficult to follow that advice. I've looked all over their website to see if I could find out the name of their Human Resources Director, but it does not appear to be available on a public website. I know who it used to be 10 months ago, but that is no guarantee the same person is still in that position. Go with generic greeting or go with a possibly incorrect greeting, which is preferable?

I've also noticed how difficult it is to write a cover letter when six positions are open and you're interested in three of them. I need something more professional than "Hi, any of these three positions sound good to me."

Have I mentioned how much I hate job hunting?

How Did They Figure Out What My Porn Name Was?

Your Outrageous Name Is

Wong Hung Lo

Outrageous Name Generator

I'm Gonna Need A Pulse Rifle For This One.

I realize the spiders are simply doing their thing, but they've been inhabiting the space around my mailbox and front door all summer. I hose down their webs and within two days they rebuild their condo. If I give them a week they build the Trump Tower. I finally had enough and bought some spider/pest killer yesterday. I'm sorry, but I'm higher up the food chain than spiders so I win.

I hosed down the spider condo and started spraying with my can of spider doom. One good sized spider came out so I sprayed it. I used the garden hose again to try to get some webbing off my exterior light and out came the biggest damn spider I've ever seen that wasn't in a zoo or something. I know tarantulas are bigger than my hand. I've seen pictures of those camel spiders from Iraq where the soldiers are grabbing them by their legs to hold them up. But this thing was still the biggest thing I've ever seen without a big piece of glass between us.

I seriously wondered if I needed Ellen Ripley and Cpl. Hicks as back up. Game over man! I sprayed spider killer on it, but I don't know if it'll die or just be really pissed now. I'm afraid this chemical concoction will mutate the spider into something the size of a deer. I better see if I have any 12 gauge ammo around and find out what the phone number of the National Guard is.

I Missed The Taste, But Still Good Stuff The Rest Of The Month

I've driven by the Easley Winery a bazillion times, but I've never made it inside. I missed yesterdays Taste of Indy. DAMMIT! They run lots of things there over the summer and I keep telling myself I will attend one of the festivals/events. Okay your job is to check out the provided schedule. Who wants to go sometime and on what day? Let me know.

Please Read For Your Own Safety

Normally I'm not serious on here, but sometimes I feel the need to give a true Public Service message. I don't want you to do stupid things that will get you killed. I ran into this story on Autoblog. The accelerator on the woman's vehicle got stuck for whatever reason. At only 30 mph she and her son decided to jump out of the vehicle. A 53 year old woman is now dead from a very preventable accident because she paniced and didn't know what to do.

If you are in a car and it wants to accelerate for whatever reason please do the following:

1. Apply the brakes. No engine on a modern car will overpower the brakes.
2. Shift the car into Neutral. If you can't immediately brake (you're on a crowded interstate or road), then simply shift into Neutral. Use the forward momentum to steer your way to the side of the road. By keeping the engine in Neutral you'll still have power steering and brakes to assist you.
3. Turn off the ignition.
4. NEVER JUMP OUT OF THE VEHICLE. If you do crash into something you have seatbelts, airbags, and the crumple zones of the vehicle to provide safety. You will be hurt, but you'll likely still be alive. If you jump out of the car you can hit your head on the pavement or be run over by a the driver behind you. Your odds of survival are far higher inside a vehicle than outside of one.
5. Don't be afraid for the car. Most modern engines will bounce off the rev limiter a few times. If a engine is at redline for a time most engines will automatically shut down. Even if your engine doesn't have that feature and 'blows up' that is far preferable than you dying. Trashing an engine is bad. Trashing yourself is far worse.

Conversely if you lose your brakes do the following.

1. Use the transmission to slowly downshift one gear at a time. Even if you're driving an automatic just start using the 'L' or '1' or '2' gears that are listed. Work you way down into lower gears. The vehicle will start slowing down.
2. Once you're into the lowest gears, shift the engine into neutral and apply the Emergency/Parking Brake. Pull the brake handle, but keep the button on it depressed. The parking brakes should apply and slow you down. By keeping the button depressed the wheels shouldn't lock up. You don't want to lose control.
3. Turn off the engine.

I wish Driver Education was far better in the country than it is. I wish every time you had to renew your license they forced you to take the tests again. Be careful out there.

Power To The Geeks, Nerds, and Sci-Fi Lovers. Our Time Has Come.

Ladies and gentlemen: our convention is coming to town next week starting Thursday. GenCon, the second largest convention this city hosts I believe will be arrving then.

Some news on the line up courtesy of Robin.

"We are pleased to announce the addition of Mary McDonnell and Tricia Helfer to our guest of honor line-up. Mary McDonnell, President Roslin on 'Battlestar Galactica', will be signing on Thursday and Friday. Tricia Helfer, Number 6 on 'Battlestar Galactica', will be signing on Saturday and Sunday. Please join us in welcoming them as guests of honor."

This shows how good a convention this is. Academy Award Nominee and former Victoria's Secret model. Diversity is cool.

"Unfortunately, Summer Glau will be unable to attend Gen Con Indy due to contractual obligations for 'Serenity.' Likewise Ernie Hudson has had to cut back his signing schedule from four full days to just Saturday and Sunday due to new contractual obligations for his reoccurring role on 'Stargate.' While we regret that Summer Glau won't be able to make it and that we will only have Ernie Hudson for two days, we wish both of them the best of luck and much success in their endeavors. "

Ernie Hudson? He is the Prince of Chesse only a few steps below Bruce Campbell's King of Cheese! Ernie will be on Stargate, exxxxxxxxcellent. The Browncoats will mourn the lack of Summer Glau, but we get the movie in a few months.

Teacher's Aide

My taskmistress had a long list. The amount of work required to get a classroom ready for students to come in and learn is amazing and something that was underappreciated until yesterday. We had to make bulletin boards by stapling them to the wall and putting a proper colorful border on the outside. I personally liked the gumball border, but we didn't have enough. The crayon one wasn't bad. I'm on the stepladder to reach the ceiling with the colored paper and stapler in hand. I'm scoring the paper with the scissors to trim it to length. You will sweat doing this. At least the tile floor was very cool to lay on as I put the trim on the bottom of our homemade bulletin board. No wonder the dog likes laying on the floor so much.

Putting up the cursive alphabet proved difficult. We lost the letters 'i' and 'j' for a bit. Luckily the board they were on was stuck behind another board (a bad case of static cling I think). Having only 24 out of 26 letters is sure to mess up second graders. Based on the latest education news they need all the help they can get.

Laminating paper folders is a genius idea. Those folders will last much longer now. However you have to cut the folders out of the large laminate sheet. I'm wondering about the machine that is large enough to laminate 8 or more folders at once. Here's a tip: you don't want to trim the laminate to the edge of the item being laminated. If you do the laminate will eventually fall off so an 1/8 inch edge is fine. The precise use of an exacto knife is how you gain access to the pockets of the folder.

My former life came in handy as I demonstrated the proper technique to swap a floppy and DVD drive in a laptop. At least my knee is recovering. I attempted to sit in a desk to get a proper view of our alphabet and whacked it on some post. I forgot those kids are pretty small compared to me. I imagine it was akin to trying to fit me into a Yugo.

With luck, whether good or bad I'm not certain, I'll help out again this weekend or today. If this law gig doesn't work out maybe I can be a teacher's aide.

It's The Car. Chicks Love The Car.

Via Cynical-C
If you ever wanted to know info about the Batmobiles in the movies. The only question is: Keaton Batmobile or Batman Begins Tumbler?

I Actually Wore A Shirt With The Peace Symbol On It When I First Went To College.

Sometimes I'm a big fake. Or sometimes I'm just not really someone that fits into certain cultures. Okay get a job you hippie bums! As seen at E. McPan's.

I am 12% Hippie.

What? Am I a Republican? Why did I even bother taken this test?! I guess I’ll back to my George W. Bush fan club and tell them I just wasted 10 minutes of my life. At least I don’t stink, man.

Take the
Hippie Test
@ FualiDotCom

Stop Using The Worry Tank!

Since this in theory a psuedo-legally inclined blog it is time to start cracking the whip.

Dear Exhausted Bar Exam Takers,

Two weeks ago you finished one of the worse exams on the planet. Do not worry about how you did. Everyone, including myself, walks out of the exam site believing they failed. However, you do not know what happened until the actual results come out. STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN NOT CONTROL! Since you can not control what you have already done, stop worrying about it. The worrying effort you expend NOW has no effect on actions performed in the past. Your stomach will turn into one ugly ulcer resulting in medical bills your unemployed butt can't pay.

I can understand getting anxious when the time for the results grows near. I get that. Yet even that is 6 weeks away or longer depending on your state. Right now ignorance is bliss. Just live your life to the best of your ability now. What will be will be.

Thank you,
Tired of reading about/listening to other people's bitching.

Not A Meat Lovers???

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting. You focus on living a quality life. You're not easily impressed with novelty. Yet, you easily impress others.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

How To Prevent Disasters

The shuttle Discovery landed safely in California today. NASA says it will not launch another shuttle until it figures out how to keep the insulating foam from falling off the fuel tank. Do you remember when the first 3 or 4 shuttle flights had the painted fuel tank? I wonder if the paint helped keep everything together back then?

To help prevent damage from incoming tidal waves it appears you should plant hibiscus trees. According to University of Hawaii researchers, "[t]hey do a really good job of catching rocks and slowing water[.]"

Yee-Haw!!!!

As seen on Hoosiers Ate My Brain. My dad had a 72 (maybe a 70) Dodge Charger with a 383 cubic inch V-8 (and that was not the top of the line engine back then). I never understood why he couldn't jump over a creek like the Duke boys did in their 69 Charger. Our's was green and certainly didn't have a Dixie horn.

What I would give to drive The General Lee once. Truly the second coolest car on television ever. (#1 is KITT from Knight Rider. He talks, he jumps, he can eject people out of the sunroof, and had MICROJAM.)

I have no desire to see the new movie. From the previews it is obvious Bo and Luke Duke are played as friggin' idiots. On the TV show they certainly weren't rocket scientists, but they were pretty street savvy and able to defeat Boss Hogg's nefarious plans. Besides Jessica Simpson versus Catherine Bach as Daisy Duke: NO CONTEST!

You are Bo Duke. You are caring and carefree. You
suffer from the "Peter Pan Syndrome"
and it doesn't look like you'll be growing up
anytime soon.


What Dukes of Hazzard Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

If The Ride Is More Fly, You Must Buy.

Your Summer Ride is a Beetle Convertible

Fun, funky, and a little bit euro. You love your summers to be full of style and sun!

What's Your Summer Ride?

Random Thoughts

Why random thoughts? To be honest I want to be lazy and have no desire to pontificate on something huge now.

My DVD player has partially forsaken me. If it quit playing all DVDs I could accept that. No it teases me with playing some DVDs but not others. It likes Gladiator, Princess Bride, and American Pie. It doesn't play any Bruce Campbell DVD, and had a hiccup with the intro of BSG. Applying Windex to the DVDs doesn't help so I know they aren't dirty despite what the player says. I purchased a DVD player lens cleaner. It is a DVD with bristles on the underside. Is it a bad sign when the DVD player insists the DVD cleaning disk is dirty and refuses to recognize it? Actually none of the CD-ROM drives in my computer recognize the cleaning disk either. Did Memorex just swipe $10 from me for a bogus product?

I laughed when I saw them: dolls/action figures from Army of Darkness and Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The funniest thing was the "enhancement factor" that often occurs when action figures are made of women. The Willow figure was far more amply endowed than actress Alyson Hannigan is. Most actresses actually seem to like that effect.

Speaking of Buffy alum Charisma Carpenter (Cordelia Chase) will be playing a young stepmom on Veronica Mars this season. Wait a second, is anyone able to get married on that show? Daddy Echolls should be in jail and unable to wed. Keith Mars has the hots for Wallace's mom. Who can Cordy be a stepmom to?

You know computer equipment has come a long way when you see a case with a deep black lacquor finish that a grand piano would be envious of. If you just looked at the box you wouldn't think it was a computer.

Batman Begins on the IMAX screen kicks ass.

The Mighty Green Ranger carrying a large pink plastic smokestack is amusing to see. I feel sorry for the guy mowing his lawn with the confused look on his face at that sight.

The problem with the downtown canal is that it isn't a destination by itself. It really needed a few restarants by it to liven it up instead of apartments, condos, office complexes, and the State Musuem.

I still want a motorcycle.

Great Minds Think Alike

As seen on Martinis, Persistence, and A Smile. With the exact same results no less.

You Are 40% Left Brained, 60% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

My Weirdness Adds Spice And Other Assorted Variety To My Life.

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Welcome NASCAR To The Brickyard

The NASCAR teams are coming to the Brickyard 40...err AllState 400 at the Brickyard (stupid corporate sponsorship ruins names). I'll be honest, I don't really follow NASCAR. I have lots of reasons for this, but in the end it isn't a form of racing I get into. However I love the $200 million the NASCAR fans spend here every year. Any racing series that wants to use the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is good in my book.

I'm hoping Purdue graduate Ryan Newman wins, though Indiana native Tony Stewart is looking pretty good to climb the fence at Indy.

Humor Me

I can see part of this, but I know I have other aspects of humor. Maybe I need to see more movies because some of the questions I truly had no idea.

the Ham (26% dark, 60% spontaneous, 33% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN SPONTANEOUS LIGHT Your style's mostly goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on dark You scored higher than 81% on spontaneous You scored higher than 45% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

The Way-Back Machine

I've started cleaning around here. It is amazing what a vacuum cleaner does to a three-quarter inch layer of dust bunnies. I'm going through various shelves and piles of papers and found a folder with my initial law school application in it. I wonder how my life would have been different had I gotten in the first time as a night student. I would have known a very different group of people. I would likely have transferred to being a day student after the first year. I might have graduated a semester or two ahead of when I actually did. I could actually be employed by now (ah...a paycheck).

Oh well, no pondering the what might have beens. In the folder with my application was a transcript of ye olde undergraduate days. Yes, we had only muskets back then defend ourselves against the roaming saber toothed tiger on the way to Chem 115, but I also had lots of A's on ye olde report card. I finally saw something that explains a problem I had in undergrad. I changed majors and wanted to have enough credits to graduate in only 4 years (the few, the proud). To do that I thought I needed one 20 credit hour semester (remember this is undergrad so 17 - 18 credit hours is pretty normal). That one spring semester was the worst of my life (at the time...had I only known about law school then). I had a continuous stream of papers, mid-terms, projects, and other exams out the wazoo because I took six real classes (and band. You always have band there). My roommates and friends wanted to kill me because I was so stressed out from all the work. I survived that semester with only one B to dent the GPA (in stats...I hate fake math).

For my final semester I discovered I only needed 12 credits instead of 15. I never understood why until I looked at my transcript. I received credit for a class I never took. It's okay, I tested directly into a upper level Spanish course so they gave me credit for the lower level Spanish class that I tested out of. CRAP, I busted my ass off one semester when I didn't need to!

Lesson to be learned: get into all those Advanced Placement high school classes you can and see how many college classes you can test out of. You need all the beer drinking/relaxing time in college you can get!

Oh well back to cleaning. I think I can throw out all those pledges to do pro bono work. Yet another thing I never accomplished in school.

Confessions Poll: What Will It Take To Convince You To Drive A Stick?

General Motors is laying off 150 jobs at an Indiana transmission plant. Why? GM cites a lack of demand for manual transmissions. In the United States only one in ten vehicles is sold with a manual transmission (that is a fact). I'm willing to bet another 10% or so of people know how to drive a stick, but don't (that is a guess). I'm betting 50% or more of American drivers have no idea what to do with a third pedal on the floor (both a fact and guess).

Which leads to a question I've been pondering: what would it take for you to drive a manual transmission? Three of my regular readers do drive a stick so I'm really asking this of everyone else. Some people prefer to drive a manual tranny (they prefer to control their vehicle vs. having some computer or automated valve control their vehicle). Some people are buying a more entry level car and don't wan't to pay the extra $800-$1,000 for an automatic. Some people want that extra 2 - 4 miles per gallon (at $2.50 a gallon I don't blame them).

If you're an automatic fan do you simply like the convenience? Perhaps you've never been exposed to a manual and have no idea what to do? Are you afraid of the physical coordination required by your body to drive a manual?

What do you think folks?

Any Takers?

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

A Primative Screwhead Meets Bruce Campbell

You've seen him everywhere, but you might not know his name. Some actors are on the A-List, some never get anywhere, others work a lot but never star in big-budget critically acclaimed materials. The latter is Bruce Campbell, the self-proclaimed King of The B-Movies.

Dude is just as funny in person as he is on the screen. I couldn't find any of his books at various bookstores, because everyone already bought them out, so I had to buy them on-site. A good thing I hit the ATM before driving to the south side. If you've never been to Key Cinemas I'll describe it for you. Think of a typical small 60's or 70's strip mall. It is a typical for the era two screen theater. No fancy sound system, no stadium seating. In fact the place may not have been renovated since it was built. Yes the place is a bit of a dive. Yet when you're dealing with little, inexpensive indie flicks this is the type of place they get shown.

Anyway he was seated at the front of the theater. He's at a table with some job-site work lamps providing illumination. I just sat in a seat and started to read his autobiography "If Chins Could Kill" and waited for my number to be called. Some lady would call out, "Numbers 30 through 60 please" to line us up. Bruce Campbell had a bullhorn next to him so he would repeat the instructions to the effect of, "Numbers 30 through 60 please line up. If you're not numbers 30 through 60 please go away or ask your mother why you can't count."

My number range was called up so 30 of us got in line. We heard a screaming baby and a guy walks by us and asks if he can cut ahead since the child is cranky. What a genius! Next time I'm in a long line I'm borrowing a child! I get up front, shake the man's hand, have a handler take a picture as I'm there and he signs his name to both books. "Hey Brian" and then a long curvy line that might resemble a 'B' and an 'S' merged together. If I had to sign stuff for 500 people in a day I guess my signature would become shorthand as well. He asked what I did and what type of law I wanted to get into. I told him the paying kind.

I went back to a seat to keep reading If Chins Could Kill (friggin' hilarious so far) and then we had a Q & A session before his latest movie: The Man With The Screaming Brain (doesn't that title exude quality?). The Q&A session is where Bruce Campbell's sense of humor shines. Dude ripped on Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck big time. He noted he's the only guy to stop Spiderman: "Did Spiderman get inside to see that play? Nope he didn't. Doc Ock couldn't do that!" If we want to see Evil Dead 4 we need to call Sam Raimi and ask him to not make Spiderman 3. BC's explanation for Congo was "Sometimes things look better on paper than they actually turn out." He called the guy next to me a dumbass for wanting to be Brad Pitt and subject to that much media attention and paperazzi. BC explained that Ozzie Davis made Bubba Ho-Tep a far more classy movie: "Sure you have me fighting mummies, but then you add someone good like Ozzie Davis to the movie and people start wondering how he got in there. It made the movie more classy automatically." He encouraged us to NOT try to find the cabin from Evil Dead: "That is PRIVATE property. It's in rural Tennessee and they don't mess around out there. You'll end up full of buckshot."

BC left us then we saw 88 minutes of crappy Sci-Fi channel produced in Bulgaria where it is cheap chessiness: The Man With The Screaming Brain. Where else are you going to see brain transplants, psycho killer gypsy brides, Stacy Keach (oh how the mighty have fallen), horrible Eastern European accents, and RoboBlonde with a new brain?

Hail to the king baby!

Post Way Too Short Vacation Blues

I got back in town yesterday. I enjoyed seeing my friends (whom shall be nicknamed Cylon and Pet Doc) as well as the CAG. I enjoyed seeing Venetian Night on the lakefront and the firework show. I enjoyed seeing the IKEA store (a post in itself), but I have to be honest a week long or two vacation is more appropriate after the bar exam, not a weekend.

At least I'm back in time for a Bruce Campbell live appearance, book signing, and movie premiere! I purchased a ticket yesterday so today I need to get a book for him to sign. Looks like I'm heading to Barnes & Noble after lunch. 10 pm premier of the latest cheesy Bruce Campbell movie: Hail to the King baby!