I'm Gonna Need A Pulse Rifle For This One.

I realize the spiders are simply doing their thing, but they've been inhabiting the space around my mailbox and front door all summer. I hose down their webs and within two days they rebuild their condo. If I give them a week they build the Trump Tower. I finally had enough and bought some spider/pest killer yesterday. I'm sorry, but I'm higher up the food chain than spiders so I win.

I hosed down the spider condo and started spraying with my can of spider doom. One good sized spider came out so I sprayed it. I used the garden hose again to try to get some webbing off my exterior light and out came the biggest damn spider I've ever seen that wasn't in a zoo or something. I know tarantulas are bigger than my hand. I've seen pictures of those camel spiders from Iraq where the soldiers are grabbing them by their legs to hold them up. But this thing was still the biggest thing I've ever seen without a big piece of glass between us.

I seriously wondered if I needed Ellen Ripley and Cpl. Hicks as back up. Game over man! I sprayed spider killer on it, but I don't know if it'll die or just be really pissed now. I'm afraid this chemical concoction will mutate the spider into something the size of a deer. I better see if I have any 12 gauge ammo around and find out what the phone number of the National Guard is.