The Price Of Friendship

Since the newest posts appear on top I'm switching the order of these two so it is easier for you to read. I hadn't meant to have two posts so intertwined in subject matter at the same time, but sometimes you have to tell the whole story, including the tangents that appear out of nowhere.

It was a moment of revelation, yet one that had been simmering on my mind this entire semester. Someone I considered a friend, thought that she was more like a school acquaintance. What is the measure of a friend? How do we make them? How does being in the stressful, time consuming, soul sucking environment of school affect the formation of these relationships? Big questions to ponder. I've been in a big question mood lately.

One basis of friendship is shared experiences. Not simply being in class, but talking with people out of class, doing social things together, having lunch and interacting with them, going dancing at a club, or having drinks at the bar after class. It is the interactions like those that help form the foundation for friendship. A common bond where you know the other person and you learn the things you enjoy, the things you hate, the secrets, both little and big, we all have.

Nearly two and a half years of my life has been spent in this school. Yet what do I have to show for it? I have some academic achievements. I have some legal knowledge. But what else do I have to show for it? What of the human connections with these people that I spend so much time with?

That is the problem I've noticed lately. I have not spent much time with the people that surround me. I spent much time in the library reading case books, downloading articles for my note, writing the note, editing other people's articles and notes, reading more case books, prepping for classes, writing essays, putting together exhibits for presentations, finding guest speakers, emailing the dozens of people and entities that require my time, updating my resume, sending cover letters, etc, etc, etc! Others do the same things I do and some have jobs, family, children, and other obligations vying for their time.

So many of us are here together, yet alone.

Many people are far more social than I am. They dance their way through social situations with a grace I simply don't have. Also some situations occur naturally allowing people to bond in an easier fashion. While I am a fairly social person I much prefer the more intimate gatherings and having a smaller circle of friends. Sometimes I do manage to get out such as when a group of us went to the Claddagh after a spring final, or I take someone to Scholar's Inn for an interesting lunch away from this black hole. Yet those instances are far too few in number. The people that go always enjoy it and we always say we should do this more often, yet we don't. I always here stories of these great nights out, where the people I care about had a great time. Yet it is obvious that I'm not in the circle of friends that many groups have.

I associate with many people, yet lately I've wondered how my friends do I have here? I made it a project of this year to bond with the people I care about here, to be a better friend to those I care about. Yet offers to hit a bar after class, going to rent a movie, having lunch somewhere rarely, if ever, worked. We were all busy, we needed to go to work, we had other plans, we were going out of town that weekend, and all the other normal excuses that busy people with busy and involved lives will have.

When I was accepted to school I looked forward to meeting new people and the excitement of having my social life reborn. How ironic that by being here I have almost no social life with the people that are here? I tried to maintain my contacts with the outside world the best I can. I've done okay with that, at least with some people. Yet how can I be surrounded by a sea of people and yet feel barely connected with most of them? How many of us are acquaintances and people we have a passing familiarity with? What of all the people I've 'met' online? I have online 'friends' who I've known for 5 to 8 years, yet have never met. We know about our children, our careers, our spouses, we know the things that friends know yet never have seen each other. Are they less than friends?

Two and a half years of social interactions, were they wasted years? I hope not. I hope this is merely the pessimistic side of me, because now I need all the friends I can get.