Tales of a former 2L: The Long Version

Last year at this time I felt such a great sense of accomplishment. I had survived my first year of law school. Though exhausted I felt as if I had climbed a mountain. I had a little time off to enjoy and then I would be attending our European Law program in Lille, France. I knew I had transitioned to a 2L, a second year law student.

Why does the completion of my second year feel like dining on ashes? Last year I felt like I was working my way towards a goal. This year I feel I have more questions than answers. This year I know I accomplished so many things, yet I am strangely unsatisfied. Things were done, but answers were not found. It is a most unsettling feeling.

I wrote a 51 page Note. It is even being published. I have finished ALL of my required classes. I organized a trip to D.C. I took so many practical classes to gain skills, Mediation, Court Externship, & Trial Practice. That was part of the problem: I never had a day off. Maybe I only had one class a day, but it stretched across 6 days a week. I was often reading, typing, editing, prepping 7 days a week. I never had a chance to simply take a day during the week. I could never take a night off to see friends, drink beer, or simply relax at all during the entire semester. I haven't seen a movie since Lord of the Rings before last Christmas.

My Spring Break was hardly relaxing as long time readers will attest. I got burned out so quickly this spring semester. After Spring Break I limped the entire semester. Being dressed up, walking to court three or four days a week. Having to prep for an early Saturday class; having to be dressed up for that. Working Friday nights and dreading Trial Practice. That was a most humbling class. It is likely the single greatest source of my frustration. Learning how to conduct a trial is NOT a natural talent. No matter how hard I tried it seemed that I just fumbled my way through a class. The dream of law school was to be a criminal prosecutor. It was my way to build a better world through law. After Trial Practice, was it a simple first time at the bat and being bad with the required skills, or do I simply lack the talent of a trial lawyer? I can't be a deskbound lawyer because I can't write a legal brief worth a damn. If I can't be a trial lawyer then I'm screwed!

That is the ultimate source of these ashes I suspect. The original dream has some cracks in it. Not getting the prosecutorial internship job did not help. It hasn't helped that I haven't had a chance to stop and blow off school at all. Once finals were over for me I still had to write 2 memos for the judges in my court internship class. I emailed the last one at midnight, read for my first summer class today and then went to class for over 2 hours. No rest for the weary. Not anytime soon I suspect. People need to recharge. It's amazing what we can do when refreshened. I'm carrying the sky on my shoulders for a year now. I'm tired of it.

One year to go. Now I need to find some answers.