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Thursday, July 15, 2004

Leaving Pieces Of You

The more philosophical side of me believes that in our stronger, more meaningful, relationships  we leave pieces of each other within ourselves as a reaction to being so intensely involved with that other person.  The types of relationships I'm thinking of are as a parent, child, a close friend, spouse, lover, significant other; the kinds of relationships where we have to be vulnerable to each other. 
I'm helping CAG move this weekend.  I've found it cosmically humorous that we have a better relationship now 200 miles apart than when we dated when she was a student here, hence why I let her talk me into helping her move.  The pairing of a liberal feminist who never wants anyone to hold the door open for her and the old-fashioned romantic conservative who liked to bring a few flowers at times and hold the door open for a woman had to be a cosmic joke.  Since I'm writing in the past tense you can tell the romantic relationship ultimately failed, though not for our political/philosophical differences I feel.
So what piece of her is within me?  I can't identify any trait that is a result of our relationship, but I identify a result: I'm in law school partially because of her.  No I don't want to sue her for intentional infliction of harm.  She was an older returning student and I figured if she could quit a good job to become a student to chase her dreams, then I could quit a bad job and become a student chasing my dreams as well.  She inspired me quite a bit, though she never knew it at the time.
So what piece of me is within her?  For the last few years I've thought nothing, but a few weeks ago something happened to change my mind.  Her mother, whom I don't believe knows that CAG and I dated, told me something interesting: Brian, whenever she talks about her male friends it is always Bob and Mike or Rich.  But when she talks of you it is always 'my friend Brian.'  She always talks of you differently with that extra meaning: my friend Brian.  You mean something special to her.
Perhaps I had much more of an effect than I realized at the time?  So ends the philosophy discussion for tonight.

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