Friday Quotes: Frasier Style

[about Frasier's agent Bebe Glazer]
Niles: You're still consorting with that barracuda?
Frasier: Well, a barracuda is what you want in an agent, Niles. Well, it's just that the station's been sold, I was hoping she might have some scuttlebutt on the new owner. I must admit she's rather hard to get a hold of these days.
Niles: Oh really? I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted "I summon thee" three times.


Sherry Dempsey: I just love making people laugh. I think humor is like medicine.
Niles: [aside] Oh, we must be in the placebo group.


Niles: What's this about?
Lilith: Well, it's about an attraction that I thought was over and now I'm beginning to think, maybe it's not.
Niles: Usually in my dreams, this is where I try to run and can't.


[Frasier tries to comfort Daphne who's unhappy with her love life]
Frasier: I know how bleak these times can be, but believe me, they will come to an end sometime or later. I remember a time back in Boston, I was going through exactly what you're going through now. Just a week later I met a lovely barmaid, sophisticated if a bit loquacious. We fell madly in love and we got engaged... 'course, she left me standing at the altar. But the point is, I didn't give up. I took my poor battered heart and handed it to Lilith... who put it in her little Cuisinart and hit the puree button. But I rebounded! and look how far I've come. I'm divorced, lonely, and living with my father.


Bebe Glazer: Do you have any idea how hot you are? I get offers everyday from other stations offering the moon for you.
Frasier: Good Lord, am I really that hot?
Bebe Glazer: Are you kidding? If I were a pot roast, I'd be done.
Niles: Hello, I'm Niles, a person at the table.
Bebe Glazer: Niles, thank God you're here. Back me up. Give him some sound, brotherly advice.
Niles: She's the Devil, Frasier. Run fast, run far.