Is He Dead Or Just In An Alcoholic and Beef Stupor?

*knocks empty beer glasses off of himself*

The bachelor par...pre-wedding male bonding activities in Three Lakes, Wisconsin was a total success. What happens in the woods stays in the woods, but I will give funny quotes and anecdotes that won't be embaressing. Of if they are embarressing you will have no idea what occurred to whom.

• Lakefront cabins in northen Wisconsin are beautiful things. I highly recommend renting one for a weekend or entire week with the family, significant other, or group of friends. A truly restful experience.
• Renting a 14 person pontoon boat that assumes one person weighs 140lbs is very interesting when no one single person in the group weighs anything close to 140lbs. BiggMann alone counts as two by that measurement!
• *kulp-splash* At least it wasn't me that fell into the lake, though the person that accomplished the feat was my second choice in my prediction list.
• I did win the pool when betting against a friend. I counted on him dilly-dallying instead of hauling ass.
• The outhouse with his n' her's holes and the 'Bon Appetite' magazines as reading material. Classic!
• The quiet solitude of rowing onto the lake in the early morning or just before sunset.
• Noting the fact that having a picnic lunch in that rowboat with a classmate would have been a fantasticly romantic experience. Or with Gillian Anderson.
• Speaking of redheads, when picking up the bachelor in Milwakee his divine neighbor with short curly red hair got her car out of the garage and parked it on the street then walked back inside. Five minutes later you heard the motor of a Harley rumble to life and the neighbor came riding out in full leather jacket and shorty helmet. WOW! Milwakee has some great women :-)
• Pondering if the local wine I got will be any good. Cranberry wine...sounds interesting.
• "My god, it's full of stars!" Light pollution is so bad in downtown you can't see more than a dozen stars. Even in the slightly darker suburbs it isn't much better. On the edge of a remote lake you see so many stars. I've never seen the Milky Way before in person and it is so beautiful. If more people could look up and see the infinite universe at night, would we think the way we normally think?

*warning: rated R for insane silliness, language, adult content, risqueness and the kitchen sink* Now for the good quotes that are not in any context. Trust me, it is better that way:

• Hey try not to rear end the K-9 unit.
• We're in a Ford Explorer with Bridgestone tires. Of course we're in a rolling deathtrap.
• Damnit I'm bouncing, but the sensor won't trip. I want my tacos!
• That would be famous last words as we roll over and die: Oh, my burrito!
• Indiana should just post a sign at the state border that says: It's not our fault Illinois sucks! This said while stuck in traffic on I80-94.
• Oh we don't need this lane of road.
• Stay on target, stay on target!
• I got flipped off by that guy. It must be becase I'm from Illinois.
• Okay let's search the cabin for any axe murderers.
• Does anyone else feel like you're on the set of Evil Dead?
• Not EVERYONE can go for the beer!
• The first pony-keg was gone in 4 hours. Right on schedule.
• With the boat we can be Viking raiders and pillage the cottages. It would take the natives totally by suprise.
• Naval artillery paintball. What an excellent idea!
• I see the S.S. Ass Pirates has arrived.
• Wow, in 10 minutes you've managed to break every watercraft rule except for collisions.
• Oh look, the rowboat has a plug!
• Ohhhhh!! They only have DVD players and we have analog porn!
• All this techology and we still can't get the football game!
• These balls take an odd bounce on pine needles.
• Impressive. Two bounces out of the empty keg!
• It only took 4 hours to empty the first pony keg. Right on schedule.
• I'll help you. *Attempt to pull someone into the boat* HELP ME, HELP ME!!!!
• We got the walrus!
• Great, you were rescued by the U.S.S. A.A.R.P.!
• Old Man, did you like being with the sea?
• Hey will your head clear the bridge?
• Wow, we're a bunch of 30 year olds laughing at shit like this!
• Hey start the motor, that shore is getting real close.
• What do you mean we don't have a paddle?
• Why are we taking on water?
• Beansnappers!?!?! I don't want her to snap my bean!
• Weasals, eh, eh, eh!
• Great, we're on the highway of pornography! Well, what else is there to do up here besides drink?
• Poke it! *poke. WHOOSH!!!* Whoa, FIRE!!! FIRE!!!
• Great, we've invented the jet engine.
• 103% on the bladder is possible, but not recommended.
• Don't chug the pint and then go out on the boat with no toilet!
• There was this gigantic WHOOSH and it was the perfect signal flair.
• Did you burn the dead tree?
• Hey didn't we do stuff like this when we were twelve?
• They're crossing the T and readying their broadside.
• Hey, they're in a defensive posture, ram them!
• Hey try not to close the canopy on my hand this time.
• You know, we have the beer and the tap. We can do whatever we want!
• MARS CHEESE CASTLE!!!
• Excuse me but will you tie me to the dock?
• *Burrrraappppp!* And you're still single? Amazing!
• OMG, are you a pussy? Hey you are what you eat!
• Wow, look at the deathgrip he has on that beer!
• *SPLASH!* Hey, the cabin isn't over here!