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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What Would Chuck Norris Do?

Thanks to Topor Indy I've now found the coolest website on the planet: Chuck Norris Facts. As long time readers of Confessions are aware I have a Kickass Scale (TM). The supreme awesomeness of Chuck Norris places him on the Kickass Scale (TM) naturally. Before going out to the Indy Home Show last night with my parents, the Chuck Norris classic Lone Wolf McQuade was on. We watched the last part we TiVoed instead of the State Of The Union.

I'm feeling the need to have a Chuck Norris film festival at my place. Invasion USA, Missing In Action, any episode of Walker Texas Ranger, Delta Force, A Force Of One are testosterone filled roundhouse kicking must sees!

Courtesy of Chuck Norris Facts here are some facts about Chuck Norris you need to know:

"Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won."

"There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma."

"Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building."

"Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink."

"When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side."

"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."

"Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one."

"An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME."

"Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum."

"Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold."

"'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA."

"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise."

""Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard."

"In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris."

"The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off."

"Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi."

"Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover."

"Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch.""

"The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn."

I feel the need to invade Cuba now.

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