The Axe Effect, BK Cowboys, And Bras

Okay I've seen a Victoria's Secret commercial with background music from Gladiator. That is wrong on so many levels.

Does that Burger King commercial with the singing cowboys creep anyone else out? Seriously? You got some cowboy (is that Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish?) singing some goofy song with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders dancing around, two Daisy Dukes on a handcart, and the Whopper King pushing a Southern Belle in a bustier(sp?) on a swing. It's like watching a freight train hit a car. You know you shouldn't watch, but you have to see the carnage.

Those Axe Deordorant commercials are a classic example of, "Men stink. Men want to get laid. To succeed at the latter, they must deal with the former." I've seen the female wrestlers pile onto the poor guy wearing Axe. Oh that Death From Above move had to hurt when she landed on him. About this one with the mother hitting on the daughter's boyfriend, is Axe implying that a woman's breasts will expand 3 sizes upon contact with the Axe aroma? Does Axe has some weird chemical interaction resulting in spontaneous silicone? Or is the button on her blouse flying off just some party trick that certain women can do, something akin to tying a cherry stem into a knot with only her tongue?

The problem being the Axe effect doesn't work. I'm wearing it now and the attractive blond second year across from me isn't suddenly lunging at me. Not that I would mind, but I'll admit this wouldn't be a most appropriate place for Public Displays of Aroma Induced Lunging (PDAIL). As I'm about to graduate and need a source of income perhaps I should sue Axe for false advertising? Their product is not performing in the way I was led to believe it would. Sadly my legally trained mind has already come up with a crippling defense, Axe never stated PDAIL would occur in law students. They've only advertised PDAIL with MILFs and wrestlers. I don't run into wrestlers very often.

Oh my poor fragile mind needs to get out of here.