Jobs

Things that I wanted to do when I grew up:
Age 4: be an astronaut or a truck driver. They got to see lots of interesting places.
Age 12: be an astronomer or race car driver. I really wanted to win the Indianapolis 500.
Age 18: Mission Payload Specialist on the space shuttle, or some physicist that gets to work with the cyclotron at Fermilab, or an astrophysicist with NASA. Smashing atoms is good!
Age 22: Psychology College Professor with secondary knowledge base involving legal issues. Screw that publish or perish doctrine I wanted to teach those young minds what they needed to know about the world and get tenure via teaching!
Age 26: High level information technology executive. Be the master of the information highway.
Current: ?????

The advantage of being an older, returning student is the clarity of knowing what you want to do. You have consciously made the effort to quit your former career, to endure the agony of school, for the reward of obtaining a law degree and become a lawyer. The summer after first year I smiled contently as I listened to those who went directly from college to law school express doubt about what they wanted to do. After all the work they had put in, some were so unsure about becoming a lawyer. It was comforting to have such clarity of vision.

I wish I had such clarity now. A few weeks ago I had an interesting thought just stumble into my mind: oh shit I'm going to need a job soon! The more you learn, the less you know. I've learned so much these past few years. I know so little now. I'm glad for my friends that already have job offers. I'm also very glad you're being quiet about it. No need to make the rest of us feel bad.

One thing that I have learned is the need to be happy at the job. You don't need the perfect job, but you need a job that is interesting and satisfies you enough. I plateaued at being tech support. I was so good at it that I wasn't allowed to leave it. Whenever someone needed a person with good problem solving skills, good customer service skills, the ability to mentor new employees, the ability to do whatever is asked of them, they came to me. It was nice to be so well respected, but the downside is that I couldn't grow. In the corporate world so many computer problems end up being resolved by a reboot or a password reset: the password reset monkey. The very idea of coming back to school occurred as I was resetting a network password. I had the epithany! I had that one moment of perfect clarity and I bought it! Then I failed to get into school and was laid off.

I ended up being hired by another contracting firm to work at the same job site for worse hours and worse pay. If you thought I was depressed before you had no idea how bad I was at that point. I was so unsatisfied with my job I had to talk to myself for five minutes in the parking garage in order to convince myself to go inside. That's the clarity and power of a law degree, I should never be so unhappy that I need to talk to myself to do the job. The sad thing is that so many lawyers are unsatisfied with their jobs they likely do the same thing. They feel trapped in whatever world they find themselves in.

Coming into school criminal prosecution was the answer for me. Send bad guys to jail and make the world safe by being in court and convincing 12 fellow citizens that my side of the story was right. Sounds appealing doesn't it? I'm talkative, personable, not afraid of public speaking, not stupid, and fueled by lots of righteous anger. One hellacious trial practice class later, a failed attempt to get a paid internship with the prosecutor, a failed attempt to do some pro bono work for the prosecutor's office, and an internship that was supposed to send me to one criminal court and one civil court as a fly on the wall, but instead sent me to two civil courts and what do I have currently? A whole lot of confusion, self-doubt, and no experience in the area of law that I wanted to perform in. I planned that so well didn't I? We have a criminal defense clinic at school. I'll either take it my last semester or take a bare minimum of classes so I have enough free time to do some volunteer work. I don't know if I have the right stuff for criminal law, but I want to find out NOW if it is what I like or a big mistake.

But that is not the answer to the question. What type of job should I apply for that will give better odds of making me happy on the job? I like being an advocate of a person or a cause that I believe in. I like to mentor others, I love teaching others something or offering them advice on their problems. I like to solve problems. I may grumble about the difficulty, but when I resolve a thorny issue you'll see me dance a jig in satisfaction. I do like to work with people overall and not with the cold paperwork and lifeless machinery. I like being there for others. Watch me show off the Big Red S on my chest as I try to save the day. I don't need to be the star, but I like to be respected. I still believe I'm more than a cog in the machine.

Advocate, mentor, problem solver, working with people, being there for others, and a desire for respect: how do all those issues resolve themselves into a job? I don't know yet, but I'll need to find out soon. If you have any ideas, let me know. I can use all the help I can get. I refuse to EVER feel so powerless in a job again.