Whose Trachea Do I Need To Crush To Get Service Around Here?

Some problems are so vexing, they go unresolved for long periods of time after numerous attempts to fix them. Those problems, and their continued existence despite all your best efforts, reach a point where you start to wonder what is so wrong with using the Darth Vader Problem Solving Method? You have to admit the man got results. You kill enough people and things get solved.

Once again my free savings account was hit with a low minimum balance fee as it had been for close to a year now. Once again I didn't understand how free savings account could be hit with a fee. Once again I went to a bank branch to inquire about how to solve this most vexing problem. I went to a branch that wasn't the closest to my home for two reasons: 1) a Taco Bell was near the other branch and I was hungry, and 2) this particular branch (I know I'll be labeled a misgyonist pig for saying this) had the most beautiful female manager I've ever seen. The latter was a safety factor as well; it would be very difficult for me to kill perfection. The balding, chubby male manager of the branch near me I would strike down in anger in a heartbeat. Going into the Character & Fitness Interview I didn't want to explain why I slayed a bank manager and staff over a series of $3 fees. Hey I'm edgy during finals time!

The teller pointed me to her to resolve my issue. Normally the tellers have taken my information down, said they would make some phone calls, etc., etc., and other what has proven to be bogusness resolve my mystery fees. Aphrodite Manager looked into her monitor and explained the problem. First, they don't have a totally free savings account; however, they had one with a minimum balance of $300. That would suit my needs perfectly. Second, the account I had, and one that is no longer offered, had a minimum balance of $1,500. When I requested the no-fee account in August something woefully wrong must have happened. No wonder I kept getting dinged with minimum balance fees! Until I'm gainfully employed I won't have $1,500 in savings for a long time.

Aphrodite Manager made numerous mouse clicks. After the entire point and click exercise she explained my account was the one I needed now and she gave back seven months of fees. Wow, she is decisive, intelligent, has a sense of humor, and a goddess. With her brains, beauty...ummm I guess I'm not really contributing anything to the relationship other than student loan debt. Oh well.

At least Taco Bell was good.