Decisions Decisions

You hear murmurs all the time through the blogs: what do you do with your blog when you graduate? This tends to apply more for those of us who write publicly instead of anonymously. At the beginning of the fall semester I didn't think I would need to worry. I didn't write things that are controversial so what did I have to worry about.

But lots of topics and thoughts are controversial to someone. The irony is that in the land that champions freedom of speech we're very intolerant, quick to anger, and quick to judge others. I call it like I see it, and I get people mad. I decided to cover something in a satirical manner, and I get people mad. I cover something in a serious way with detailed analysis, and I hear "My god you really think that?" "You can't say that because you represent us!" Over the past 8 months I can't use humor, I can't use analysis and commentary, because some consider me a leader/representative/higher being; therefore, I'm not allowed to be human and have my own thoughts. How messed up is that?

Given so many of the totally insane topics and phraseology I use you might be under the impression that I don't censor myself at all. Some would think I'm crass, others would think I'm brave. The truth is that over the past 8 months I've increasingly censored myself. I'm an artist that can't use my chosen medium in a manner that I want to. Isn't it ironic the fact that because of my soon-to-be legal position, power, and status the reflection I cast upon people and institutions is more of a chain to freedom of expression than to some 19 year old pot-smoking slacker without a care in the world.

I'm becoming more uncertain as to what the direction of Confessions will be. Certain topics I've learned to simply avoid as they cause nothing but trouble to me. I don't mind an honest debate, but sometimes I look at some emails, comments, and discussions with people and think, "What are you whining about?" My thoughts, opinions, ideas, and beliefs get thrown back at me in ways I never imagined could happen. The edgier I get the more flack I take. The internet is weird. Due to the factors of anonymity and convenience it emboldens the cowardice and incivility in ourselves.

Our online school community is so atypical. I don't think many of us even thought about anonymous blogging as this was simply a circle of friends. Most of us didn't think that those outside the family would even read our words. Our school blogging community is very different from others that I've seen: we're very open and public. Still, we have several anonymous bloggers here (and I'm not telling you who) and you never know when any of the public ones show a different side elsewhere. Given the ease of anonymous blogging it is clearly an error for you to think otherwise. Who knows, perhaps I do as well so I can use this medium in a way I want to. You never know.

Still the question is what to do about Confessions. Does it continue to evolve like it has for the past year? Does it simply come down because I can't use it for all the things I would like to use if for? Do I narrow the focus of Confessions and go elsewhere for other interests? I don't need to make the decision now, but it is obvious I'll have to make the decision sometime.