"You Were A Great Scumbag!"

I played the role of Lauren Jones in our Trial Practice class Saturday. I took the class last spring and was asked to role play the part of the scumbag who robbed a store in which an elderly lady was killed. Lauren Jones made a deal to drop the murder charge and turn in the great criminal mastermind of the entire robbery Mr. John Burns! Here are some observations or quotes from the experience:

• "How did a scumbag like you get a nice suit like that? Did you steal it?" I was asked to show up in my nice lawyer suit to be more presentable.
• Going against type the evil criminal mastermind was played by the meekest, most mild-mannered person in a red sweater I have ever seen. Dude looked like Bill Gates! Wait a second...Bill Gates is an evil criminal mastermind!
• It really burned the defense attorneys when I knew my role better than they did. In their defense they have to keep track of the entire case and I only needed to know one role. "I believe in my first statement I said I was in a green Oldsmobile." They brought out the transcript and I read it back to them. "Oh, you're right!"
• It also burned the defense attorneys when they kept making this big deal about the awkwardness of a left-handed maneuver and I am actually left-handed and noted that I do awkward things all the time.
• Whoops, the one thing I wasn't sure of and I stumbled into something that was covered in a motion in limine. D'oh! Damn I had a long criminal record and just couldn't remember all of it.
• Burnsey this...Burnsey that... Oh I really knew Burnsey.
• I kept wanting to object from the audience! Objection leading question!
• As the woman playing the wife of the defendant approached the stand the peanut gallery comment concerning their marriage, "It's a shame! It's a mockery! It's a shamockery!" To my defense I didn't make that comment, but after hearing it immediately thought of the GE commercial with the mild-mannered scientist falling in love with the supermodel.
• Could the judge have mumbled any more? The man was the reincarnation of Johnny Cash.
• "You were a great scumbag!" Comment given to me after the jury retired to deliberate.
• The prosecution still lost even with the additional facts added into the case. Damn beyond a reasonable doubt burden of proof!

I so love role plays! With luck Cookie Monster will take the class soon and I'll play a role for her. To keep it even I'll be Mrs. Burns as she was my Mr. Carletti! I don't think I'm getting in a dress though. Women may look good in men's suits, but no way am I looking good in a skirt! Forget it I'm playing a male role for you CM!

EDIT: Yes the closing argument for the prosecution did an excellent job of noting that everything important the scumbag said could be backed up by other people. The open argument also noted that I wasn't a perfect person, but I was there so I have to tell the sad story of the murder. Stupid defense, how dare they believe that I'm not trustworthy! I only have 4 or 5 convictions ;-)