In Vino Veritas

At last weekend's retreat it felt so good to be with people outside the confines of The Black Hole. It was fun to play and teach euchre with my retreat mates. Annie from Chicago(?) and I were discussing the difficulty of making friends in school. We weren't sure if it was the competitive environment, the natural and self-induced stress that many students put on each other, or the fact that the personality make up of some people drawn to such an environment would be abrasive, abusive, power hungry, and egocentric. Probably all of the above. This was hardly the first conversation I've listened in on or participated in on this subject. Many bloggers I email or IM with voice this same concern. In quiet conversations in the atrium the difficulty of making friends is whispered. We treat the difficulty of making the human connection as almost taboo subject matter.

Annie related an interesting story. During the first week or two of her first year she held a wine and cheese party with several classmates. She noted this odd correlation: the people she was closest with now were all at her party then. In vino veritas - in wine we trust. Actually we messed it up, we thought it meant in wine there's truth. Close enough for our purposes though. What makes a friendship? It is a question I've pondered many times here. It isn't solely time spent around people. So many here are mere acquaintances. So many here are simply faces and I don't even know their names. I've never had a chance to talk with them. One blogger and I thought an 'effort component' was a part of friendship. When you take the time to get to know people. You take the time to email and instant message with people. It shows you care enough to put forth an effort. This online blogger community produces some interesting social results. I know more and feel comfortable sharing details of my life with several people I've never met. Yet people I've been around for three years now I barely know sadly.

As my time here ends I've been pondering the social costs. At the beginning of my third year I said I wanted to bring my friends closer to me. That idea failed miserably. I have far fewer friends here than I thought. Sometimes I wonder if I were in a car accident, would anyone care? Reading this probably scares the 0Ls (I like that term for the wanna-bes). You need to know the truth about law school. It is very difficult, very dividing, very much a social strain. You may not have a social support system if you're moving to a different city. Even if you're not moving you won't have as much chance to rely on your old friends due to the time requirements of school. Try to find your friends early. You'll need a social support structure to survive what happens in school. Perhaps you should have your own wine and cheese party at the beginning.